Hi everyone!
Sorry for my lack of posts. This recovery turned out to be a lot rougher than I expected it to be. I am now two and a half weeks post-op, and doing pretty well. I am back in my home state and staying with my mom while I recover some more.
For people wondering what it's like having surgery with Dr. McGinn, here are some of my experiences. My first impression of Dr. McGinn was that she had kind of a harsh, brash personality. That was okay with me, because I was going to her for her skills as a surgeon, and not for her to be warm toward me. Once I was actually there for surgery I felt like she warmed up quite a bit. She was very caring toward me during my recovery, and her staff was wonderful. I felt that Dr. McGinn was very, very competent and clearly focused on my wellness and my outcome.
Waking up from surgery was awful (I'm guessing no one is surprised by that). My first few days of recovery were spent in the hospital, and I was kind of astounded by how hard those few days were. I was in a lot of pain, and I basically could not move at all. I wasn't paralyzed or anything, it was just that it was painful to move, and clearly not a good idea. On day two of my hospital stay, the nurses informed me that my goal for the day was to stand up. That was it for the day - just stand up for like, 5 seconds. That was amazingly hard to do. I pushed myself a little harder and asked them if I could try to walk. They said I could walk a few steps, but that was it. I did it, and then immediately got back into bed and slept for a few hours. On day 3, my goal was to walk around the hospital ward. I did that, but man was it hard. Once I was able to walk unassisted, they were ready to release me from the hospital.
The first time I saw the result of the surgery, I have to admit that I was kind of horrified. Everything down there was just a mess of stitches and it looked like someone had punched a hole inside of me. It looked more like a wound than a vagina to me. I had kind of expected that, but it was still scary to see for real.
Once I had been released, my mom drove me back to the Gaia House. The staff there was absolutely wonderful - they were kind, helpful, and understanding. The place itself was quiet and peaceful, and really felt like the kind of place where you'd want to recover when you were in a lot of pain and very injured.
At first it was really hard for me to even get into and out of bed. I made a lot of really uncomfortable noises every time I tried to shift myself into a comfortable position. It was very rough at first. I struggled to sleep, and I woke up in pain every time. Part of the reason for this was probably because my mom and I decided to skip the Vicodin altogether and go directly to Tylenol. There's a history of addiction in my family, and every time I have surgery we try to get me off of the narcotic pain meds as fast as possible.
I had a few days at the Gaia House where I was in so much pain that it was just a matter of trying to get through the day one moment at a time. Oddly, these days seemed to come and go. I would have one day where I felt so good that my mom could leave me alone to go shopping in town, and then the next day I would feel so terrible that she was afraid to let me out of her sight.
I had my first post-op appointment a week after surgery. This was the first time they took the packing out of me and the first time I saw the full extent of the damage. To be honest, it was pretty scary. The inside of my vulva and the inside of my vagina both looked like a dark shade of purple to me, as if someone had just stabbed me and not sewn up the injury. I was expected to dilate for the first time. First Dr. McGinn's assistant showed me how to dilate, and then she had me do it. The sensation of it was like knowing I had a wound, and then intentionally shoving something inside of it. It was frightening and very unsettling, but it was over very quickly and I realized that I was okay.
Dr. McGinn's assistant had me hold a mirror up to my vulva while she spread them a little bit and showed me all of the different parts. Even in my wounded state, I could see that Dr. McGinn and her staff had done an excellent job. All of the parts you would expect were there, and looked pretty good. My clitoris looked especially fantastic, and was perfectly situated under the hood of the vulva.
Once I got back to the Gaia house, I began my dilation schedule. I was really afraid of my first dilation, but it really wasn't so bad. It was a little bit painful the first few times, but I quickly figured out that I could reduce that pain by being careful about the angle I used while inserting the dilator. There is still some pain at the very back of my vagina while I dilate, and usually after I finish there's some soreness for 15-30 minutes afterward. Otherwise, I mostly find the experience to be annoying and boring. I've taken Dr. McGinn's advice, and chosen a few TV shows that I will only watch while I am dilating. That helps me to make myself do it.
At my second post-op appointment a few days later, Dr. McGinn's assistant double checked that everything was healing alright. She confirmed that my depth was excellent at 6 inches, and gave me some additional instructions. Apparently some of the thickness of my incisions was actually a special glue they put over the incisions to keep them in place, and she informed me that it was okay to start scraping that off in the shower. She also took out an enormous q-tip, and told me that she needed to ensure that my clitoris had sensation. She poked it lightly, and I squeaked out a loud: "YEP!" My mom seemed extremely amused at that part.
Dr. McGinn's staff gave us a very formal looking letter stating that I had surgically transitioned, and that I met the legal requirements to change any documentation I needed to.
The next week or so after that was basically a blur of sleeping and gradually feeling the pain reduce. Eventually, getting out of bed went from being agonizing and scary to being a little annoying. I started taking short walks around the floor we were on once in a while.
When it was time to go home, my mom and I took it careful and slow. We checked out of the Gaia House a day before we were set to fly home, and stayed at the airport Marriott the night before our trip so I would be less at risk of a setback in my recovery. Even just the 30 minute drive to the Marriott exhausted me so much that I had to sleep once we got to our room.
The next day we took a shuttle over to the airport. Dr. McGinn had strongly advised me to use a wheelchair at the airport even if I felt well enough to walk, and so I did. I was wheeled to my gate, and wheeled onto the plane later. I was well enough that I took a short walk around our waiting area, mostly because it seemed to help with my discomfort to alternate between sitting and walking. For our trip home, my mom had bumped us up to first class so that I would have more room to be comfortable. It turned out to be a great idea, since I seemed to really need the leg room to get remotely comfortable. We were in the very first row, so I was able to actually press my feet up against a little wall for part of the flight and lean back considerably. Those two things ended up being very important in keeping me comfortable enough to tolerate the four hour flight. I also took two short walks around the plane, and stood briefly a few times. When we arrived, a wheelchair and airport employee were there to take me to baggage claim. I ended up feeling very grateful for that, because I'm not sure I could have walked that whole distance.
Once we got back to my mom's place, I basically felt like doing nothing but having dinner and sleeping. Even the following day, I basically slept the whole day. Even though I had barely walked on our trip home, I was totally wiped out. I must have slept for like, 16 hours total. I was barely awake enough to dilate.
At this point, I feel like I have healed considerably. I had my first day with no pain medication two days ago (2 weeks and 2 days after surgery). I'm starting to recognize the outcome of the surgery as more than just a wound. The incisions are healing nicely, and the color inside of both the vulva and the vagina has changed from purple to my normal skin color. Dilation is still uncomfortable, but it's less painful than it was. More and more, I look at the results as being a normal part of my body.
Personally, I am not quite sure what to think of my surgical outcome so far. I have never seen a cisgender woman's vagina in person, but I have seen pictures. The labia look pretty good to me and the vulva fully hoods the clitoris. Right now, I also interpret everything as being set pretty deep inside me. Even the urethra seems to be set deeper than I would have expected based on pictures I had seen of other surgical results. I notice that my vulva tend to remain slightly open any time my legs are spread apart, and I don't know if that is how it works in cisgender women. The labia minora do fully surround the vagina, which I am happy about.
Overall, I am happy with McGinn's work. I think there are some differences between what I'm seeing and what cisgender women have, but I think she did a good job. My mom has seen the results in both of my post-op appointments, and she says that she is amazed at how close it looks to the real thing. I guess she would probably know better than I do, since I have not seen the real thing.
I am scheduled for another post-op visit with Dr. McGinn 6 weeks after surgery. My mom and I plan to fly back to New Hope for two days to have that visit. Until then, Dr. McGinn's orders are bed rest and only very short walks as I can tolerate them. I am not even really supposed to be sitting up in bed as often as I am, but it's hard to lay down for weeks on end. I am trying to dilate 5 times a day as requested, but I have slipped a few times due to sleeping too much.
I'll keep everyone updated on my recovery as I progress.
