Hi everyone. I've been on testosterone (female to male transition) for two years now and I have always had this nagging feeling that it wasn't right. But...it wasn't necessarily wrong, either. I feel like I'm getting away with something when people call me Sir but Miss was just as bad. Now I'm thinking about stopping the testosterone because I don't feel that I fit into either gender correctly (that is a bad word for this). Does anyone have any advice? I feel like it's going to be a huge burden to essentially "come out" again. I'd appreciate any input.

Thanks!! 

As always, you should consider discussing this with a therapist. Your time on T has taught you more about yourself so your values should be reexamined in therapy. For now you should recall how you felt before T and now. Is you dysphoria any better on T than it was on E? Unfortunately hormones are binary so you will have to decide on one. Presentation can be non binary so the question will be what are you comfortable with?

I would delay coming out again until you have examined the above. There is no rush and there is the possibility that another coming out may not be required.

How does the T make you feel?

I live far to the she side but am still nonbinary.  Sometimes I live as an androgyne, sometimes I live as a woman.  As a man, well, it sure screws with the stereotypes if I do or am percieved as doing that.

T is heavy emotionally, but being nonbinary does not necessarily mean you don't need it.

I take full transition estrogen, and its a high level dose.   No T blockers, but I don't need them either.

The gender therapist thing is also good advice.

But as to the binary nonbinary thing, a lot of us go low dose, you could back it off, make a lot of different adjustments, make sure the endo is in on it though.

You may find low dose is the key to feeling good.

When I am called she, I usually feel amusement, because I am a sh'e, not a she.   I do not follow the standard transsexual narrative, much to many peoples total confusion.   That does not invalidate my femininity nor my ability to pass.  It just reflects my core, and my core is nonbinary sh'e.

I don't expect anyone to understand this, but it is my truth.

You can do and be anything.   Hormones get us to endpoints, yes.   They also make us feel good.  We can present any way we want.

In the end, its about how it makes you feel, and what you need to see in the mirror to feel happy, and how you socially relate to others, and how much dysphoria is driving you.

Its up to you, your choice.   And you may very well be nonbinary.   There are ftm nonbinaries and mtf nonbinaries and everything under the sun in between and in combination.

What makes you feel good?   Live it

Satin Joy

I definitely knew I never felt 100% male pre T and on T due to lessened dysphoria I became truthfull with myself I realised I'm definitely nb. For me T is the best compromise. Even accidentally missing a dose for one day I found I couldn't cope because the dysphoria came back that badly. Maybe you could try the same thing and see how you feel?

I think like cis people a trans person won't like all the changes from hormones. As long as you like most of the changes or eitherwise your dysphoria is too hard to cope with HRT is the best treatment. I know I feel happier in a more male looking body; I never felt happy in how my body looked pre T; although I don't like how muscular/stocky I now look. But being referred to as male feels loads better than being referred to as female. Although it still doesn't feel right and rather be referred as genderless. For now I'm not out as nb because not many people would understand it; so I'm simply living life as me. I'm mostly comfortable within myself; a vast improvement on how I used to feel.

Just to add I feel around 90% male and the rest genderless. Which is probably why I can't cope without T.

I'm nonbinary - afab bi-gender F/M. I desperately want some of the changes T will offer because my male side really wants them, but other changes are abhorrent to my female side. I'm still debating with myself, and it's getting vicious.

Non-binaryness may possibly be at the root of your issues. Or not. It's something you have to explore for yourself. I think most trans folks are done a great disservice by not being presented with the possibility of non-binary before they transition. I think a lot of "binary trans" folks are actually non-binary but they're pushed into accepting themselves as fully binary trans by the larger trans community. Supposedly any feelings other than full trans can only be explained by decades of social conditioning. Which I think is total animal excrement.

However, being non-binary makes everything more difficult. Not only is every one of us different in how our sides mix, and even which sides we have, but how to manage them is a headache. It would be much easier to be binary trans because the decisions are far more clear-cut. No matter what I do, I'm going to cause myself some degree of dysphoria, or spend a lot of money that I don't have in mitigating the more dysphoric effects.

I like that post and that avatar

Not to troll or anything, but I LOVE the name Preston =)

I'm also gender fluid, non-binary, androgynous, partial transmale, etc.

I don't take artificial hormones, and don't have any particular gender preference, as I have both gender elements, but the male side is slightly stronger in some aspects.

I'm also asexual, so don't worry about it much. I tend to dress androgynously, but can rock ballroom gowns, and feminine clothes for certain occasions..doesn't bother me.

I'm too tiny and feminine to pass as male so I just dress in whatever gives me comfort and freedom of movement.