So i suddenly find myself in love with a guy and i have not really felt this exact way about anyone like this, except perhaps my wife (it's ok we are in an open marriage for over two decades). We have seen each other like 15 times in 3 weeks, i am not even kidding We have a lot of joint friends and share so much in common. I could brag on him more, but readers of this post might start sticking their fingers down their throats.

So anyways i obviously want to do my best at this and not overwhelm him. He told me that he " he wants to start seeing me outside of our friends gathering place". We usually end up being along after they all leave but actually going on dates sounds exciting and a bit scary. We are affectionate with one another, we hug, we kiss some, cuddle and i could literally stare into his baby blue eyes for an entire day straight. (see there i go again). We have not had sex yet and frankly I'm emotionally whirling and kind of love taking that slow.

He did say something that sort of concerns me. He basically said " the physical attraction he has for me is still new and not that strong yet ". The yet part i find interesting because he then said " but i am pretty sure that will develop because the emotional thing is there" I then reminded him i was only going to get more feminine as time goes on and he said he knew that. He said "lets go slow and see how all that develops." Our friends are already calling us a cute couple and taking selfies with us  He has never dated or been with a trans woman.

Questions: Have you ever heard someone say like " my physical attraction will develop for you"? because i can't really ever recall being in love without that initial strong physical attraction. He always says things like " you look really nice tonight" and as soon one of us walks in the room we beam smiles at one another. I believe part of him is sort of reeling from all of this too and from the social aspect of being with a trans woman, however he never acts embarrassed or anything and our first kiss was in public.

Also i know there are many threads that discuss HRT and its effect on sexuality but,  I have always considered myself very bisexual but recently my estrogen was doubled and i am pretty uninterested in looking at women at all. Have any of you seen such a swing? This does present some challenge to my marriage, although we are friends and companions well over the physical part.

Anyways thanks for reading about my sappy love life Would love any thoughts or similar experiences.

Let me cast the net a bit wider to see if anyone has thoughts or care to share experiences on this sort of thing:

How important is physical attraction to you in relationships? Does it have to be complete or partial? Do you consider yourself picky?

For those of you that are bisexual is the band of attraction wider for one gender compared to the other? It always has been for me and I sort of don't like that. I feel like i want to find a lot more men attractive but i don't often and that feels superficial. Like beards on guys messes it up for me, even though the guy could easily shave it off.

Anyways thanks!

Quote from: RobynD on February 21, 2017, 11:58:48 AM
Let me cast the net a bit wider to see if anyone has thoughts or care to share experiences on this sort of thing:

How important is physical attraction to you in relationships? Does it have to be complete or partial? Do you consider yourself picky?

I made the mistake first time of thinking physical attraction isn't that important in a sexual relationship. If it's some other type of relationship then I guess it might not be. It's not everything by any means but is important if you want long-term happiness with someone in that way.

Picky, yes. I may be bi but I'm very picky.

QuoteFor those of you that are bisexual is the band of attraction wider for one gender compared to the other? It always has been for me and I sort of don't like that. I feel like i want to find a lot more men attractive but i don't often and that feels superficial. Like beards on guys messes it up for me, even though the guy could easily shave it off.

Yeah. Mine's the opposite to what you just described.

Regards your first post - the guy saying his attraction will develop for you in time - that sounds an unusual thing to come out and say, but maybe he's just being honest and observing/sharing his own feelings about being with you. It could well be a profound first experience for him. They usually do start off with a strong physical reaction and gain emotional attachment if that happens rather than this way round, but my guess is there must be some attraction there to begin with.

Thank you for sharing Kylo. Yeah, he actually did admit there was an attraction there so perhaps you are right, he just is very honest. Anyways its an adventure and we need those.

Another thing on the attraction to genders, sexual attraction to my " wider band ", women is more superficial, for the narrower band it is much more based on emotional connection and it intense - way more intense, uncomfortably intense at some times. I guess that sort of makes logical sense.

Oh Robyn that sounds so dreamy good.  Romance is the dance of love and we have endless ways of expressing that music.  I too find my leaning toward men has been greater since HRT and since I am bi/pan or queer much of the attraction and interest i feel is based on shared attraction.  I recall thinking that the hair on my arms or other appendages would sure look good to me on a real man. 

Having been with plenty of partners I know appearances are just the dust cover for most good books.  We certainly know that stereotypically fabulous lookers can house a shallow and lackluster lover.  We can overthink this but until we get there in an intimate way or speak with specifics about our lovey dovey wants and needs we just don't know.  I recall surprise when the hunk I met was, shall we say less than versatile?  Another lover with an obviously gorgeous body but virtually no excitement, erogenous interest or a tepid response might become a great friend but?  On the other hand I have met people who I eventually fell in love with before knowing much about how compatible we might become or what their body was really like.  Hard to know until you go, eh?

Part of the challenge for me is recognizing my primary commitment remains with my wife and that suggests less than total availability for another.  Starting a romance with limits is sometimes easier to consider until we need to place those boundaries on how far, how often and how meaningful the other relationship becomes?  Is a new love worth the potential heartbreaks when or if anyone in the mix wants more or less than we do?  Having been there, I would now need substantial assurances and mutual agreements before allowing myself to fall too deep.  Everything works out fine in my fantasy worlds and i can indulge my imagination readily.  Real people can get hurt however, and I hear you care deeply about your family too.   I deal with jealousy by considering that I want the best for my lovers, even if that is not me.
Romance and possibilities will be part of my flame until i grow cold.  Good for you for having an open mind to love's potential. 

Thank you Tessa! Interesting that you seem to have experienced the same interest shift post HRT. Some would say it is only because we are happier and more relaxed that we feel we can pursue our love interests more fully.

What you say about looks equating to other positive things is definitely true. You never know until you get to know someone quite well and even then there are things you don't know. A lot can be said for passion in a relationship and it doesn't have to be the TV and movie kind, just passion (you know what i mean)

With regard to the poly commitments, yeah it sure is a challenge at times when the world is so fixated on "mr or mrs right and complete monogamy. (the ideal does not often stand up that well, but it is still an admirable and thing to respect )I try to be up front and as realistic as i can be to the other person. Often this takes the form of "we are just friends" and then we still are intimate and in love. For my own situation i made a commitment i intend to keep, that does not mean that the form of the relationship couldn't change, etc so there is some flexibility there. I'm not a jealous person either

Yeah, I've had relationships that started with a deep emotional connection, and then the physical attraction grew out of that.  In general I've found them to be much more rewarding relationships than starting the other way around.

As to your "swing" in orientation alongside changes in HRT, yes, I've had that experience too, and have seen it in many others as well.  It doesn't always happen, no, but it's really not uncommon. 

Enjoy your NRE!

Thanks Sophia! Yeah love that NRE. If science could put that in a pill form, it would destroy a lot of depression in the world

I'm happy with the swing in my sexuality, it feels pretty cool.