I knew from my earliest thoughts that I should be female. I can remember back to about four years of age, and my identity was already there. I was maybe 5 or 6 when my mum caught me wearing her underwear. I wanted to be just like her, like many daughters who want to be like their mums. I was shamed into never doing that again, so I knew I had to hide those thoughts. Interestingly, my mum will not admit that that ever happened. I think she is consumed by guilt and thinks she failed me by suppressing my true identity. I hope she believes my forgiveness.

When I was younger, before I knew anything really, I really had a hard time socializing with other kids.
At 10, I saw a magazine article about a "transsexual" and the jig was up. I didn't know or care that surgery was required. Dressing in mom's stockings, then my own illicitly, and underwear, provided a real outlet.
In junior high I found Playboy and got real jealous real fast. Oh the possibilities!
In high school I turned to fantasy and science fiction, thinking I could build a female robot suit I could climb into and live as a woman.
It wasn't until INTERNET some years later, after many a fantastic night of dreaming, that I discovered possibilities could become reality.
And now here we are.

I believe I was around 4 years old. Maybe younger? That would have been around 1961.

Before a certain age you aren't really aware of gender. So I realized something was amiss about that same time.

I used to always play with the girls on my block. One day I saw my friend had pretty red nail polish on. So I went to my mom and asked her to paint my nails like the other girls. She tried to explain that I was a little boy, but I would have none of that! Lol. So she painted my finger and toe nails.

I remember one other time where she put a dress on me because I asked. I don't remember the circumstances.

At some point I was aware of people having "sex changes" and wished I could do that. When I hit my teens I told my mom I wasn't getting my hair cut anymore. So by the time I was 13 or so I have hair past my shoulders.

In high school I dressed very androgynously. I wore what ever girl's clothing I could get away with. But never dresses or things like that. I also painted my nails. Usually black (as they are right now) but other colors too. I kind of used the 70s glam rock thing as a cover.

I was never very effeminate, but I wasn't masculine either. I'm small, only 5'5", and back then like 120lbs.
People always mistook me for a girl unless they saw my face.

In the 80s I cut my hair short, but grew it out and wore it in a big goth hairdo, complete with eyeliner, etc.

Since then I'm fluctuated between having long hair and then being very "normal" looking as a guy.

I've been a musician since about age 13. This affords me the opportunity to not look like everyone else. Lol.

I went through periods of cross dressing, but mostly in private, except on Halloween. [emoji3]

In the 90s I was living with someone and we had a son. She's now 25. I raised him myself since he was about 6. In the early 2000s I got married and we had a daughter. She's 12.

It wasn't until we got divorced in 2011 that I decided it's time to deal with my gender issues. My ex wife knew nothing about it, but did end up saying it makes sense since I always seemed more like women she knew. And she liked that about me.

Interestingly, I'll be 60 this year and I more or less look like I did right after high school. Lol. (Just older and with purple streaks in my hair)

I'm still living as a guy, but I look like my profile picture, sans makeup during the day. I'm not sure what they think of me at work, but everyone is nice and I think they just view me as a musician with long hair and black nail polish. Lol


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