It all started when I decided not to go to the local TG support group meeting. The reason I didn't has quite a bit to do with my own insecurities but isn't central to this post (maybe in another post). My motivation for going to a meeting, though, is to meet other trans folk in person with the strange notion that one or two may someday become a close friend. Yeah and not in *that* way so get it out of your mind (being loaded up on HRT, the most sexual thing I do these days is put coconut oil in my coffee - very kinky, right?).

I have lots of cis female friends, a few residual cis male friends and some gay friends. My therapist - the best friend money can buy. And of course, my partner who is my soulmate. They all care for me but no one really understands the trans thing. And while I do dabble on line on this forum I do not have a single trans friend who I meet in person and can talk about being trans. So. My question to you all is: do you have a close friend who is trans? Someone who you can talk to about anything. A best friend as it were. How did you meet them? Do you see them often? Or is being trans just another kind of being an island?

I have never had a close friend.  I suppose it was always too risky, carrying the big secret.  Now, after all these years, I do not know if I can learn how to have one.  My wife is my best friend, but it's not the same thing.

But, close or not, having friends in real life is a blessing, especially trans friends who can understand your experience.  My support group is an hour and a half drive away, so the travel logistics make it hard to socialize with them outside of group meetings.  Still, I count them as friends.

I work with (different group but same town) another transgender woman who I wouldn't call a close friend (we just met) but I do feel a kinship towards her that potentially could morph into a good friendship.  (At least I'm hoping)

I'd love to have such a close friend as well. It takes effort for sure. Part of me feels like focusing on our commonality in order to make friends sounds non genuine, but the other part of me feels like this is a special circumstance.

Like you i have mainly cis female friends, my spouse, a few cis male friends, a boyfriend and my therapist. Lots of support but none who totally understand my challenges and struggles.

Went to a support group the other day and met at least two people who could become good friends in the future, it's awkward, and stereotypical support group, and all that, but worth it if you can make some friends I suppose.

I have had the opportunity to be invited into the home of two trans ladies. While I enjoyed visiting, and would visit again if the opportunity presents itself, I don't think we would become "close friends".
I do have two other lady friends, born female...who have been extremely supportive of me. One I have been in public dressed in womens shorts and tank top, but nothing more. The other, I have met and we have had lunch but I was in male mode. But the point is, they both support me as much as I could ever ask them to, and more even. While they live in a location that I cant get to easily, I have been known to go try on clothes and send pics and ask their opinion while I am in the store. The one thing I wish for is to be able to shop with someone who can help me decide what looks good. It wasn't until after I started dressing in female attire myself that I learned why it was so important for women to shop as much as they do...Oh my goodness! Was that a sexist remark? It wasn't intended to be! Please forgive me. But as a man I was always able to go into a store and pick up a pair of jeans and go home with them without ever even trying them on. Not so with womens clothes!

My point in my above ramble is that while the friends who support me the most may not be trans, they are close friends who know me, support me and not afraid to be with me in public when I dress in my girl clothes. Thank you ladies for that!

Roni

Quote from: Roni-jalyn on March 09, 2017, 12:11:03 PM
I  I have been known to go try on clothes and send pics and ask their opinion while I am in the store. The one thing I wish for is to be able to shop with someone who can help me decide what looks good. It wasn't until after I started dressing in female attire myself that I learned why it was so important for women to shop as much as they do...Oh my goodness! Was that a sexist remark? It wasn't intended to be! Please forgive me. But as a man I was always able to go into a store and pick up a pair of jeans and go home with them without ever even trying them on. Not so with womens clothes!

Roni

Roni you have described the metamorphosis that many of us go through with regard to shopping. I could shop all day if i had the time. I agree having a friend with is wonderful. For me that has been my wife and sometimes a close cis-female friend.

However, getting fashion conscious yourself is kind of fun too. Pintrest is an excellent resource for this as is Youtube, various fashion blogs etc.

 I went to my local TG group for the first time a month back, next meeting is this Saturday so hoping to find companionship there. It seemed a very diverse and friendly lot.
I've not been socialised for years, so it was a challenge for me to meet new people, or even get out of the house of an evening for that matter.
In a way it was strange, as for the first time in my life I didn't have to put on an act and could just be myself. Lots of bad habits there to unlearn though, I'm still very guarded in many areas. It's going to take time to drop the mask completely and trust people again.
So the potential for friendship and a soulmate is always around the corner, the change in me now is that I'm actually looking for company instead running away from it.

Shy

Didn't have any luck at my local support group. But After a long time searching I did eventually friend a really sweet post-op girl same age as me and I'm having so much fun getting to know her. We only met last Saturday but I totally adore her, I feel like we share a lot of struggles and experiences and its wonderful to have someone to meet in person and talk about such things!

I'm kinda hoping we can get to a 'best friend' stage down the line, cus she's really amazing and just what I was looking for (hoping she enjoys spending time with me too..!). I have already connected with her on a level I never have with my cis friends.. We hung out 3 times and are already at the point where no subject is taboo, its really wonderful to have someone who can relate so much to ones problems! I especially enjoy we are the same age, around here there are so many very young open transgenders, which is wonderful that they are able to come out so soon for sure, but I can't really get a good friendship going with 17 and 18 year olds

Floof you are so lucky. Looking at some of the other responses - thank you by the way - it does seem to be a challenge to develop that close friendship. And it appears several, if not all, want that if it could happen. But I guess because we are really sort of rare and we tend to hide it's a needle in a haystack thing for sure. Oh well ...

I am kind of in the same boat.  My wife really wants me to go to the support group for this exact reason.  I have been a few times and met some great people but so far I have only "clicked" with one other Trans woman.  We do text a little but live about an hour apart so while I would love for us to be bffs, I am not sure if it will happen or not.  Plus, we have been burned by other friends  (who have no idea about me) so I guess I am just leary or developing more friends. I really want to sit and talk about what I am going through with someone who is going through the same thing. Therapist and my wife are great but they are not going through the same thing...my wife has her own adjustments to make.

My two best friends are trans actually. <3

Aside from my cousin, and an old acquaintance of mine whom I don't see anymore, pretty much all other trans people I come across going about my every day life just look at me with pure disgust and hate..

Wish I knew what it was I ever did to them..