Leading a dual life is stressful. 

I keep forgetting to change my watch when I put on my guy costume.  At the weekly kaffeeklatsch this morning, I was reaching for my cup of coffee and my pretty ladies' watch showed from under my cuff.  I don't think anyone noticed.  If they did, the official excuse would be that the battery in mine died and I'm borrowing my wife's.

Earlier this week, I dead-named myself signing an email to my brother.  And I have to stop and do a gender check before using a public washroom.

I'll be glad when there's just one of me!

I'm working on it.  I have a deadline now: the end of July, when I am scheduled to do an astronomy talk as Kathy.  I am coming out to the organizers on a need to know basis.  Today, the chair of the committee was given a draft of the program and wondered who this Kathy person was.  So there is no turning back now.

Good for you. It's extremely hard when you have carried around as much baggage as we have. I so want to go full time too. The only thing keeping me is fear.

Painting oneself into a corner is a great motivator.  I have a feeling that I will need to do something similar to warm up cold feet when I get to that point.

My wife told me to rip off the band-aid because she was tired of not knowing who would walk in the door. 

I've been leading a dual life for 5 years now so I can totally understand where you are coming from. It wasn't easy before, but now it's even more stressful as time passes and I'm getting really tired of changing all the time. My guy wardrobe is deteriorating rapidly and I just cannot buy any more male clothes, I just can't. I missed the last company party as it had a dresscode and I promised myself that I will never ever wear a suit and there are some events where I would like to go, but not as a guy. I have to solve this because I'm starting to lose my will to live and that's starting to show in my work as well and that's needed to finance my further transition.

Quote from: Lynne on March 10, 2017, 12:36:50 AM
I've been leading a dual life for 5 years now so I can totally understand where you are coming from. It wasn't easy before, but now it's even more stressful as time passes and I'm getting really tired of changing all the time. My guy wardrobe is deteriorating rapidly and I just cannot buy any more male clothes, I just can't. I missed the last company party as it had a dresscode and I promised myself that I will never ever wear a suit and there are some events where I would like to go, but not as a guy. I have to solve this because I'm starting to lose my will to live and that's starting to show in my work as well and that's needed to finance my further transition.

I'm actually between jobs and dreading the idea of having to go back to wearing men's clothes. I don't pass, though, not sure what my options are...I tried to live as genderfluid through the last job, but that isn't quite who I am...

I hear you ladies, I started full time a whole three days ago LOL. It was the flip flopping between presentations that got me in the end. It took about 3 weeks of getting really annoyed with myself before I drew a line in the sand So far the biggest thing I have noticed is I really don't care what people are thinking anymore...life is too short and we only get one go around...

Liz

This double life is, has been and no doubt will continue to be very stressful. Only yesterday, when my mum came to visit (who doesn't know about this part of my life) did she utter those worrying words,
"Your eyes look lovely, are you wearing make up?"

Argh! Immediate panic, whilst I snapped back a stern no at her. Then though, I did something really stupid, said "I don't think so?!?" And got up to check in the mirror!!!
What was I thinking? Not my smartest move if I'm honest.

Still, I spent the next 4 hours outside working on her car, covered in grease and swearing profusely. There, that should cover it up...

I'll be honest, I don't want to come out to them. I don't want to make my life into their problem. Not to mention that I work in the family business so don't want to risk any of that either.

Guess I will just have to up my secrets game.

I got to the stage where I just peeked through a crack in the door and promptly unceremoniously fell through it. Still finding my bearings in the new world, but it's certainly more colorful over here.
I remember as a child my mum found one of her lipsticks in my pocket. She didn't say anything just placed it on my bedroom table for me to squirm over.

Quote from: Shy on March 10, 2017, 03:49:51 AM
I remember as a child my mum found one of her lipsticks in my pocket. She didn't say anything just placed it on my bedroom table for me to squirm over.

   My Mom used to use that tactic though is was my cigarettes on the TV in the living room. They would be there for a day or two then somehow turned up in another of my hiding places. Thank you for the memory.

jeanette

I still live in male mode full time, and I really envy you girls for even presenting as women part of the time. I'm at a point where I want to be seen as me but everyone keeps using male pronouns and my old name but they don't know any different but I'm still getting frustrated because I want them to just know. =.=

To say its frustrating is a bit of an understatement really but, I don't think I would want to ask some of the bigoted people I know for any sort of support.  I guess sometimes I almost feel like I need to ask for their approval/ permission. 

Permission to be who I am?!? I don't think so!

I too led the double life for most for my adult life. I remember the accidents I'd have answering the door with just a T shirt on and perfectly obvious  boobs on a mans chest (well sorts man).

Quote from: KathyLauren on March 09, 2017, 07:58:23 PM
Leading a dual life is stressful. 

Oh boy... I only made it 2 weeks. I was not going to come out at work until I had some face work done and my voice was female.
After 2 weeks of the dual life I didn't care anymore what would happen at work, I had to come out.

BTW, nothing happened, they were very accepting. Now I wish I had done it years ago!

Atleast you have a deadline, July comes quick.
I am nearly 8 months on hormones and still not out, can't do these damn brows, are style my hair. It is a real stress. I also have a very physical job wher I am starting to feel my body weakening, And I have pains in my back and neck now that don't go away.
I am tiered of the lie. I duno what to do about it, ther is no real way out in a work like mine, but it gives me the financial stability I need.
Fair play to you setting a deadline, that is very brave and would cause me so much nerves. :S

Quote from: ChristineRachel on March 10, 2017, 11:56:27 AM
Atleast you have a deadline, July comes quick.
I am nearly 8 months on hormones and still not out, can't do these damn brows, are style my hair. It is a real stress. I also have a very physical job wher I am starting to feel my body weakening, And I have pains in my back and neck now that don't go away.
I am tiered of the lie. I duno what to do about it, ther is no real way out in a work like mine, but it gives me the financial stability I need.
Fair play to you setting a deadline, that is very brave and would cause me so much nerves. :S

Dear, those brows aren't fooling anybody, you're already out

I would be out now but think I will need 6 mths on HRT first and some wigs as mine is a dirty job and will need 2 the same so one can wash and dry . Fed up of having to wait till I am home to become me, one day I will just come out with it at work and go for it as life is flashing by.

I am definitely longing for the day that I can go full time. But I gotta take it a step at a time. HRT first.  Need to give it time to do it's job.  Also need to get to work on hair removal. I don't want to be trying to live full time but having to let facial hair grow out so I can have electrolysis done.  I am very anxious to let at least my management and HR know, but I think even that can wait for a while so I probably will.