I've been that way since I started my transition 6 years ago. I wish I wasn't like that, but I am. My ex from 1 year ago, before we started dating, told me he never been with a transgender and we dated for 6 months and even started living together, but then I found out he dated 1 other 2 years before meeting me so I broke up with him and despite him coming to my house crying and begging me to not leave him saying that he didn't tell me because he knew I wouldn't go out with him, I still didn't care and slammed the door in his face and told him if he dosnt leave I'm calling the cops. Im just feeling so depressed, im rejected really cute guys over something like that. I just don't want to be compared to past transgenders.

I can see that point of view completely.
I would not want to be judged on that standard.  I guess cis women probably go through similar feelings about other girls a guy hs been with, but it is just different about trans* and being compared to others and their progress, situations, etc...
Glad I am married...

As long as you aren't comparing him to past men. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, no?

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: ainsley on March 08, 2017, 02:59:42 PM
I can see that point of view completely.
I would not want to be judged on that standard.  I guess cis women probably go through similar feelings about other girls a guy hs been with, but it is just different about trans* and being compared to others and their progress, situations, etc...
Glad I am married...

someone who understands, finally. Everyone keeps on saying that cis gendered girls  go through the same thing, which they do, but for trans girls, guys judge us more harshly and if one transgender looked one way they would expect every other transgender to look like that or end up looking like that. With cis girls guys will date them no matter who looked better.

I've given guys who had been with transgenders a chance and everytime things go bad they would compare me and tell me why the other transgender or transgenders looked more female than me and say that I need to get work done on my body.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on March 08, 2017, 03:11:15 PM
I've given guys who had been with transgenders a chance and everytime things go bad they would compare me and tell me why the other transgender or transgenders looked more female than me and say that I need to get work done on my body.

Yea, that is exactly what i was saying.  No guy would say that to a cis girl.
I feel for ya.  That sux.

I think the greatest lesson for anyone is we are attracted to what we want, but what we want is not always what we need. I use to compare my partners ex's to me and each time the relationship failed because I was so wrapped up in comparing I failed to focus on what was more important. In the end I just let it go and figured why compare, if I was that bad or ugly why did they leave that person and instead date me.

Answer: Because I am better than them.

---confidence is key as well as not deflecting from the truth that we are all insecure.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on March 08, 2017, 03:11:15 PM
I've given guys who had been with transgenders a chance and everytime things go bad they would compare me and tell me why the other transgender or transgenders looked more female than me and say that I need to get work done on my body.

At first I was a little confused and wondering if you were just being weird and picky for silly reasons but now it really makes sense from this perspective. 

Ahhhhhh ** sigh **  To be young enough and pretty enough to have such a problem.....

Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me,
Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee,
Sounds of the rude world heard in the day,
Lulled by the moonlight have all passed away!

Jeanette

Actually i get that too. Also if they dated trans girls before my mind thinks (probably wrongly) are they just into the fetish of it all? We get to choose who we hang out with and as long as we are not hypocritical then yeah i totally get it.

As for anyone who decided to unfavorably compare you to someone before, even when things are in the break up stage,  and strike at the heart of one of our greatest insecurities just because they are feeling hurt, is being a special kind of jerk.

If they start comparing you to past exs that is very low.
Do guys do this to cis girls??
Thinking they can tell you how your body should be? A good hard slap :@

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on March 08, 2017, 03:11:15 PM
I've given guys who had been with transgenders a chance and everytime things go bad they would compare me and tell me why the other transgender or transgenders looked more female than me and say that I need to get work done on my body.

Yikes! that is not nice.  Wish I could offer up some input or advice. From this perspective I can see why you feel as you do.  I've never dated or been romantically involved with a man who was 't' knowledgeable before. For a long time I thought it would be a welcome change from always having to -tell- them about me. One thing I do like though, is that you are giving them a chance at getting to know you and in return, you get to know them regardless if they dated t-girls before you. The right one will come along and I guarantee it will be when you least expect it 

Hang in there and you are in a good environment to vent about such things.

Quote from: JeanetteLW on March 08, 2017, 05:17:56 PM
Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me,
Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee,
Sounds of the rude world heard in the day,
Lulled by the moonlight have all passed away!

Jeanette

I love this. May I steal it? 
Please write more.

I think, not sure, that it is a Bing Crosby song.

Actually it's a bit older than that.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beautiful_Dreamer

Fun fact, Stephen Foster is in a branch of my family tree...

Sorry to derail the conversation, I just saw the song and this popped into my head.

Quote from: RobynD on March 09, 2017, 09:40:53 AM
Actually i get that too. Also if they dated trans girls before my mind thinks (probably wrongly) are they just into the fetish of it all?

This is exactly where my mind goes as well.

Even if you are their first, there is nothing preventing them from comparing you to other trans women in their thoughts. And If you reject guys on that premise, you may be missing out on a special one; however, using comparisons as a way to hurt you during an argument is totally unacceptable, and you are totally right about moving on from those relationships.

Quote from: kittenpower on March 11, 2017, 12:44:12 PM
Even if you are their first, there is nothing preventing them from comparing you to other trans women in their thoughts. And If you reject guys on that premise, you may be missing out on a special one; however, using comparisons as a way to hurt you during an argument is totally unacceptable, and you are totally right about moving on from those relationships.

This is what I was thinking, maybe you are missing out on that special person by using this standard. What about the positive reasoning to the argument. Maybe the guy dated a trans person , found out it didn't matter to them or it was nice, and for whatever reason moved on from that person. People can be attracted to trans folk without it being a fetish right? I guess I never have understood the thought that someone who is attracted to trans people is some type of fetish fiend. It is almost like saying that we think someone is weird if they are attracted to us. Am I naive or missing something here? Not saying I'm an expert. I haven't dated in a century or two. I just think if my standard had been not dating southern girls, I would have missed out on someone super special.
Moni

Quote from: HappyMoni on March 11, 2017, 08:48:50 PM
This is what I was thinking, maybe you are missing out on that special person by using this standard. What about the positive reasoning to the argument. Maybe the guy dated a trans person , found out it didn't matter to them or it was nice, and for whatever reason moved on from that person. People can be attracted to trans folk without it being a fetish right? I guess I never have understood the thought that someone who is attracted to trans people is some type of fetish fiend. It is almost like saying that we think someone is weird if they are attracted to us. Am I naive or missing something here? Not saying I'm an expert. I haven't dated in a century or two. I just think if my standard had been not dating southern girls, I would have missed out on someone super special.
Moni

for me it's  not about having a fetish, I don't want to be compared to the past transgender. Given your story, I would wonder if the guy would have dated me if it wasn't for that first transgender which would bring up insecurities and make me wonder how much prettier she must have been to make a guy want to try it and constantly wonder if he would have done the same for me if he hadn't met her and met me first instead.