Just a note on autogynephillia, it's a term that was coined in psychology a long time ago to delegitimize transgender people's claims that it was who they are, and that they felt deep inside that their assigned gender didn't match up with their minds.  The claim is that every transgender save for those that transitioned before puberty was sexually attracted to themselves as a woman.  This has been debunked on a bunch of fronts, for instance many of us would have transitioned before puberty if given the option.  It's also been found that certain brain structures in transgender individuals matched those of their claimed gender identity.  Not to mention that it doesn't make any sense for people who transitioned early, and female to male transgender people to have a completely different condition.  There is certainly a sexual component, but it only seems to surface in those who are in the denial stage, and goes away as they leave that stage (at least that was my experience).  In the best case you could say that being a transgender person motivates autogynephillia, not the other way around.  There are no longer any credible psychologists who would say that someone is not a transgender person, they're just autogynephillic.  Just google  ->-bleeped-<- debunked and you'll get tons of sources, it's fueled by hate, not science.

It's tempting to say that if it's a disconnect between brain and body you could fix the brain, but it's a STRUCTURAL difference, it's hardware, not software, so to fix it you'd have to give the person a new brain, and there aren't many of us who would elect that procedure even if it was 100% survivable with today's medicine (pretty sure that'd be 0% survivable right now).  So the only options we have at the moment is to change our bodies completely with hormones, surgery, and all the scary stuff, or cope with whatever mechanisms are available be it denial, low dose HRT to take the edge off, working in some feminine elements, or any number of other things we've tried.  No one is saying he has to transition, but denial is the worst coping mechanism by far, and that's the part that ends up hurting the people closest to us, it's easy to blame that on coming out since that's the thing immediately before all the trouble, but if it wasn't for the denial it wouldn't hurt anyone to begin with.

Sorry to rant, but that  ->-bleeped-<- thing had me going for a while too, it seemed to fit at first, and that's why it's so dangerous, since it doesn't recommend any proper way to cope with being a transgender person, it just says you're a silly horny guy who's crazy and going too far! Which is not helpful.  The fix to a problem is never "pretend it doesn't exist".

Daniellekai

Thank you for your comment! Autogyephillia did describe him at first because of what he initially told me. Especially since it was related to masturbation and I had no other information at the time. He said that when he would masturbate, it would not be of a vision of anyone else (no face or specific person) but the vision was him satisfying himself as a woman. So when I read about Autogynephillia, it sounded (at first) like he had created this fantasy woman upon himself and it evolved over time. Then came the Transvestic Fetishisim... which in the very beginning described him because he would only put a bra on, masturbate, take it off and be done. He said for years he did only that. He also said that when he would act on the urge after it built up, he would be good to not do it for weeks at a time. Maybe just once a month.
I totally agree when you say that the worst thing to go is to pretend it doesn't exist. It makes it very difficult for him and for me to just not talk about it when I know so much. I am the type of person who wants to deal with things to move forward and begin living again... I will always be there for him.

My own therory. S/he probably had gender related issues for some time before that. I dont take pride in admitting this but I too used to sexualize my female sel starting at age 15 lasting till age 18 or so. However, i had mild gender questionings at an early age and also started to experience some forms of Dysphoria at age 13. For myself, the turning it into a kink was done in two way. One, that was when my testosterone and sex drive actually really seemed to kick off. Before that I had no real sex drive or fantasies, and if I did it be like once every couple of months.  Despite my dirty mind and sex jokes i was really never truly kinky before 15 and 2, it provided a release. The thinking back then was ''This is fun and this is ok, becuase I am not acting on my trans-feelings''. Like him at age 15 I was very anti-lgbt, or, I tried to be anyways.

Perhaps it might be helpful to do a little thought experiment:

Imagine that you were born in the body of a male. With all the male equipment, i.e. genitalia.  Now imagine maturing and  your genitalia produces high levels of androgen.  Androgen is REALLy  potent stuff.  It makes you really horny to the point where you just can't fight it. It needs to be released.   One way or another.   It's a biological imperative.   You've heard the expression about how the "little head does the thinking for the big head."  That expression came from the very real lived experience of androgen-dominant males.  You can try to run from it and avoid it but in the end that strategy will eventually prove fruitless.  For a comical treatment of this see the Seinfeld episode "The contest."  Now imagine that you, a woman, have to deal with this somehow.  Are you going to deal with as a normal cisgender man?  That's not possible. You're a woman.  You are going to cope with it the only way you can. As a woman. Your thoughts, needs and fantasies are those of a woman. Not a man.  To put a label on it and brand it as Autogynophelia and beat yourself up about how you're not normal is one way to go.   A pretty dumb way.  The other way is just to accept it. I'm a woman.  What is happening to me is off.  It's off because I don't have the correct hormones in my body.  It's off because I was born in the wrong body.   But denying it isn't helpful.