So I'm possibly starting T sometime soon, as I've recently begun to see a therapist outside of my regular therapist that actually specializes in gender and can write referral letters to endos and such. She's a lovely lady, but due to some anxiety I have surrounding making requests, I'm afraid to bring this up to her.

Basically, I have bipolar disorder and BPD, the first since I was around 15 and the second since I turned 18. So needless to say, I have pretty bad mood swings.
Lately, though, since I started doing DBT with my regular therapist (I've been doing it for about a year now) my BPD mood swings aren't nearly as bad or as frequent as they used to be. My cyclic bipolar mood swings are still just as bad, but the medication I've been on since the start of last year has kept them at a level where I'm still able to function when I'm depressed, and I'm able to be relatively calm while I'm hypomanic.

When I talked to my new therapist, as she found out about my diagnoses she immediately retracted her suggestions about the shots and began talking about the gel.
Now, there are two problems I have with gel. 1) I've heard it doesn't work nearly as well and 2) I have REALLY bad sensory issues, and applying gel/ointment no matter the reason for it has always been hellish for me. It's so bad that I'm getting anxiety just thinking about it.

I have also heard from other guys that have bipolar/BPD that T actually stabilizes their mood swings. After my appointment with the therapist, I began looking into mood swings towards the end of the T-shot cycle (whatever you call it), and a lot of guys, even with these disorders, have said they haven't had any major problems, but rather that the T has actually helped stabilize them even more.

I just figured I'd get some input from the guys here. If anyone has bipolar/BPD or both and you're doing the shots, how has it affected your mood swings?

Not bipolar and just a little input. Gel can be just as effective as shots so the only  real difference between the two is the additional requirements and time involved using gel. The other issue is that with shots your T levels can be about a quarter your starting value before you get the next injection. Gel would smooth out the swing making shifts in T less likely to trigger your bipolar swing. I think that gel  would be the better option but that will be up to your doctors to decide.

Gel works exactly the same as injections. It is a myth that there is any difference between the two. I started on gel and switched to shots because they were cheaper. My T levels have stayed the same the entire time with very little fluctuation.

BPD is the abbreviation for borderline personality disorder, which I have been diagnosed with. You didn't mention it outright in your post, but if that is not what you meant by your abbreviation, you can just ignore the rest of this.

I was diagnosed with BPD around 17/18. My mental health has dramatically improved since transitioning. Anytime I experience any kind of issue (usually anxiety or depression), it is dysphoria related and mostly due to having to wait for surgery. No more swinging, highs/lows, suicidal ideation, etc. Having spoken to therapists regarding referrals for surgery since that original diagnosis, I do feel my BPD diagnosis was incorrect and that what was read to be those symptoms were actually a result of my unaddressed gender dysphoria.

On gel, which works great.

Not bipolar or have BPD, but the last two years I had a hormone crash (unrelated to T because I was not on it yet) and experienced what I can only describe as concentrated continuous full blown anxiety for that whole time as a result of both low T and low E. Absolute hell. Going on T fixed it, got rid of the anxiety and preoccupation/insomnia and many of my physical issues as well. Like Max said my mental health has seen a dramatic improvement; I am not on any other medications like anti depressants or antipsych drugs and haven't been for a decade or so, so I know it was the T.

Thank you all for your replies!

I've been reading more on gel today, and I didn't realize how expensive it is, but I also didn't realize that it has the same impact. I'll definitely talk more with my therapist about it when I see her next week.

She mentioned as well that mental health tends to improve drastically when trans guys start T, which I'm looking forward to after struggling with it for so long. And it sounds like you guys haven't had to be on psych meds for a while! So maybe I can get off mine, too!

Maybe gel is the right choice for me after all. I'll just have to get past the actual act of putting it on that makes me so anxious.

Thank you all!

Quote from: maksim on March 07, 2017, 04:23:10 PM
Maybe gel is the right choice for me after all. I'll just have to get past the actual act of putting it on that makes me so anxious.

Thank you all!

You can always start on the gel/shots and then decide to switch to the other one. If it doesn't work out then switch back.

Hi Maksim!

I don´t have BPD but I have had symptoms of BPD as well as intense anxiety.

Anyhow, here´s the deal.
If you use gel, you use it daily. This means that your T levels will stay more "even". When you use injections, you will have slight variations in your level - I have been told that it tends to wind down until you get your next shot. I am not on shots atm so this is not first hand experience. But pretty much everybody I know, has reported something like this.

T usually helps a lot with anxiety and it can help stabilize moodswings. However moodswings in FTM can also be tied up to your hormonal cycle. In my case (and possibly others) this means that you can still have more moodswings around the time of shark week, even if shark week stops.

T has helped even out my moods tremendously. I still have some ups and downs though, however these are also related to other factors, such as the amount of outdoor time, sunshine I get, how healthy I eat, etc. IMO, starting with gel is the best option if you want to see how your emotions respond: then later on, if you feel okay with it, you could always consider changing to injections.

About the sensory issues: I don´t know what that´s like, but the gel (androgel, testogel, which are the same) is really easy to put on, it doesn´t stick, it isn´t thick (more watery than thick). It does have some alcohol in it and you can certainly smell it, and it does tend to dry out the skin a bit if you apply it in the same place over and over (I have dry skin and this has happened). Personally I try switching the location from my upper legs, to my belly and my arms for a while, and then after another whole I switch back again.

If you have any other questions about the gel ask away

I've been talking lately with my GP about starting T, and I also have Bipolar I. I've had the diagnosis for about 6 years now, and it's well managed.

In my chats with my GP, my worry was that years back when I was on the birth control pill (pre-BP diagnosis but with serious depression/anxiety), the weekly hormonal changes on the birth control really messed me with me, emotionally and physically. Given that history, I'm nervous about doing T shots every week, or every other week. We agreed that either the gel or patch would be better for me, since it's daily and won't cause any mood spikes, as the T shot would do as it wears off until the next shot/spike. We also think it's a good idea for me to start on a lower dose rather than higher and adjust as we see how my body deals with T and how it affects my moods, if it does.

Thanks again for more replies, I'm definitely going to talk this over with my endo once I get referred to them.

My experience with Bipolar and starting T was not a good one. It threw my moods seriously out of wack, depressed, hostile, suicidal. My psych meds had to be adjusted multiple times to compensate. My doctor then gave me a lower than average dose of T and switched me to weekly injections instead of biweekly. All of that helped tremendously and I've stayed on that low dose ever since. I still get emotional around the time I am do for my shot but that part is common for most guys.

Quote from: MattFlo on March 14, 2017, 11:41:34 PM
My experience with Bipolar and starting T was not a good one. It threw my moods seriously out of wack, depressed, hostile, suicidal. My psych meds had to be adjusted multiple times to compensate. My doctor then gave me a lower than average dose of T and switched me to weekly injections instead of biweekly. All of that helped tremendously and I've stayed on that low dose ever since. I still get emotional around the time I am do for my shot but that part is common for most guys.

Did you consider the gel for the daily dose instead? Why / why not?   I was discussing with my GP weekly vs daily and he thought daily would be a better starting place for me to keep moods even.

At the time I did not consider the gel. It just never came up in conversation. But I actually am considering it now for many reasons.

I'd just like to mention that if you're worried about the price of gel, see if there's a compounding pharmacy nearby that'll compound it for you. When I initially switched to gel I was gonna get it at Rite-Aid until I found out how expensive it is there, so I called a local pharmacy and they said they could do it for like $900 cheaper (I don't remember the exact number, but I honestly don't think that's too far off). It probably didn't help that my insurance doesn't cover it at all though, so your case might be different.

I have BPD, and I find my moods to be much more stable on T. I get injections every two weeks. They're underdosing me (unfortunately), so I can't say how my moods would be on a proper dose. However, even as the T starts to get out of my body, I don't seem to have any more frequent mood swings, so that's good.

I also treat with marijuana. I'm not sure where you live, but CBD oil is legal in some places even if weed isn't (I live in Maryland, and while weed is illegal, medical is legal with the right diagnosis, and CBD oil is legal for everyone). In case you aren't aware, CBD oil doesn't get you high, but it provides the mental calming/soothing effects of marijuana. Sometimes I'm having a bad day and need the CBD to be able to go back to work and deal with customers (otherwise, I'm too afraid of having a breakdown or an episode). Last time I couldn't "medicate", I had a breakdown on a busy Friday and literally had to sit in the bathroom and then out in the cold in my car while everyone else worked their tails off, and that made me feel even worse on top of everything. I never thought I'd buy a vape, I don't personally like them, but I'm considering buying one to keep on me at work for times like these.