Dissociation from the body. Living in the mind instead.

Quote from: SailorMars1994 on March 19, 2017, 06:38:23 PM
Transformation fetish? dont quite think I heard that one.. wazz dat?

Fiction where someone changes gender via magic or science and has adventures learning to adapt to the new normal. The sex runs all over the gamut from none at all to vanilla to some serious kinks.

Yes I read it, even now. One author even based a character on me. She was a therapist in a repressive society who was supposed to be overseeing conversion therapy but instead led the trans underground railroad. I have no idea if she finished that book.

Escapism.  Fleeing into my own mind, into works of fiction where gender was mutable, could change on a whim.

Cosplay; one of the few activies where presentation was everything and nobody cared much about the body buried in the costume.  I managed to link this with a work of escapist fiction where folks could swap bodies easily, almost on a whim, and the birth gender of one character was a minor mystery, by cosplaying "Major Motoko Kusanagi" from Ghost in the Shell. I still have the wig.  . (I'm almost tempted to resurrect the outfit with the new movie coming out.  Almost.)

Antidepressants.  I gave them up not long after beginning HRT, and simply have no need for them any longer.

From age 10 to 12, it was music and dressing up in my mom's clothes for a bit after school. But, after getting busted 1000 times for that, the cross-dressing stopped. I started to sneak into my dad's liquor after that. I got involved with smoking pot at age 15 because the second round of suicidal thoughts popped up. (First round was at age 10) So, I slid down the slippery slope and I spent the next 15 years being drunk and high to cope with the gender dysphoria. I wasted a lot of time. I also wasted a lot of money that could've went towards electro and other things.

  Gender dysphoria? What's that?  I didn't know what it is until fairly recently. In fact I had never even heard of it.

But to answer the question.. My unreasonable need was was appeased by crossdressing. I never stopped for very long and my need to do it always made itself known with an ever louder voice until I began dressing again.  I could add drugs, alcohol, anger and such to the list but think those were entwined with all my inadequacies though they too may have been part of this gender dysphoria of which you speak. It is hard say what caused what but I am convinced this gender dysphoria thing has had a part in it all.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

Quote from: Dee Marshall on March 19, 2017, 07:19:05 PM
Fiction where someone changes gender via magic or science and has adventures learning to adapt to the new normal. The sex runs all over the gamut from none at all to vanilla to some serious kinks.

Yes I read it, even now. One author even based a character on me. She was a therapist in a repressive society who was supposed to be overseeing conversion therapy but instead led the trans underground railroad. I have no idea if she finished that book.

Oh thank the powers that be that I'm not alone. For a while I told myself that my only interest in being female was because of my transformation fetish, but I never had any interest in any transformation other than MtF (they made things interesting but never really peaked my interest) and I find that when I am accepting of myself that the transformation fetish practically disappears entirely. There are other aspects of it, sure, but I am starting to think that the appearance of the fetish in general might have been my subconscious trying to show to me what I really wanted and felt in a way that was relatively safe.

lying to myself about what my feelings were/what they meant, and doing/having whatever little masculine things i could get away with. 

Distractions and an eating disorder/semi-depersonalization.
I convinced myself that the eating disorder would undo puberty and be the perfect cover (as they are typically seen as something females have). *Note that I knew anyone could get an eating disorder.* The eating disorder and my anxiety caused me to become somewhat depersonalized for that period of my life, so I don't remember too much besides being a zombie.
Distractions were with video games, art, music, books and the internet. I still use some of these to cope with my dysphoria.

Drinking, drugs, depression, picking fights, volunteering for dangerous jobs, any stupid "macho" behavior I could point at and say, mostly to my self, "See, I'm a manly man!"

Sports, hobbies, family, yoga, meditation, denial and alcohol.

Quote from: ImSomething on March 19, 2017, 10:55:41 PM
Oh thank the powers that be that I'm not alone. For a while I told myself that my only interest in being female was because of my transformation fetish, but I never had any interest in any transformation other than MtF (they made things interesting but never really peaked my interest) and I find that when I am accepting of myself that the transformation fetish practically disappears entirely. There are other aspects of it, sure, but I am starting to think that the appearance of the fetish in general might have been my subconscious trying to show to me what I really wanted and felt in a way that was relatively safe.

You are among good company.

Quote from: ImSomething on March 19, 2017, 10:55:41 PM
Oh thank the powers that be that I'm not alone. For a while I told myself that my only interest in being female was because of my transformation fetish, but I never had any interest in any transformation other than MtF (they made things interesting but never really peaked my interest) and I find that when I am accepting of myself that the transformation fetish practically disappears entirely. There are other aspects of it, sure, but I am starting to think that the appearance of the fetish in general might have been my subconscious trying to show to me what I really wanted and felt in a way that was relatively safe.

I don't even care about the sex. This kind of fiction and MMORPGs are what kept me sane as I was realizing that I'm trans.

Quote from: TinaW on March 20, 2017, 12:57:01 AM
Drinking, drugs, depression, picking fights, volunteering for dangerous jobs, any stupid "macho" behavior I could point at and say, mostly to my self, "See, I'm a manly man!"

So I wasn't the only one!

Hyper masculinity.  Beard, major weight training, career in Law Enforcement, fathered 5 kids, etc.  A lot of rage and heavy drinking.  All of that but my career is gone and I feel a million times better than ever.

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Extreme sports
Risk-taking in general
Porn
Prayer
Escape into daydreams
Dressing in mainly women's "tomboy" clothes
Pursuing lots of sexual partners (women and men)

There were many more that i have probably mentally stuffed away.

You know ive felt different since i was around 12-13 and never really knew what it was i knew i didnt feel male i knew that much and had no idea about transgenders or dysphoria i smoked pot, i drank and drank i suffered with extreme general anxiety to the point i could and can not leave the house and be around other people.  Now that i have found out so much about transgenders and dysphoria and talking with the lovely men and women on this site i know what i need what i feel and what i want and know that i will get it.  Now though i drink some and i smoke pot still but now its not to deal with my feelings its more for my anxiety now more than anything.

Quote from: Danielle834 on March 20, 2017, 06:04:18 PM
Hyper masculinity.  Beard, major weight training, career in Law Enforcement, fathered 5 kids, etc.  A lot of rage and heavy drinking.  All of that but my career is gone and I feel a million times better than ever.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G891A using Tapatalk

I did some of that, too, actually. At 18 (which I still am but still) I had a full beard, baggy clothes, intentionally masculine body language, a "man's man" persona...it just wasn't me. I felt uncomfortable with it, especially the social aspects, so I'm working to peel it all back, one by one.

Repression was my main mechanism.  I focused on doing everything I could to be more manly.  I got to the gym and bulked up big time. Grew a mustache and goatee and shaved my head. Bought a Harley, wore muscle shirts, went deer hunting, basically anything I could do to "feel" more like a man. I got really good at it.  I was a pretty imposing figure.  My kids' friends thought I was scary, guys didn't mess with me in bars and so far everyone I've come out to has told me how shocked they were and how they'd have never guessed in a million years that this was me.

I found crossdressing in private to be somewhat helpful.  Getting out on an occasional Halloween helped to. Much like Dee mentioned, I also focused heavily on putting others' needs before mine.  For 25 years, since we met in High School, I've done everything I could to make my wife happy, sometimes at the expense of my own happiness or comfort. Same with my friends, I never wanted to be the one that was asking for something, I always wanted to be the one offering to help.

That last bit is part of what is making it so hard for me now. It's a tough pill to swallow when my therapist says I need to focus on self-care. I feel sometimes like I'm being selfish even though my wife and my family all tell me I have to do what is right for me.

Alcohol and drugs --for decades.
Have not touched them, nor do I crave them, since.  Quite telling, if you ask me.