Hello everyone,

My name is Angie.  I live in the north east US and I have been using these pages, I believe, since I started my transition in 2006. To date I have had Orchiectomy in May 2013 in NY with Dr. Spencer. In October 2015 I had SRS with Dr. Bowers in San Mateo and then a B.A. in Indianapolis with Dr. Gallagher in February 2016.  All of my surgeries were covered by insurance. 

I'm now in the process of saving for FFS, which in my opinion is the most important surgery. Had I been able to do it first, I would have.

Although Susan's Place has been an invaluable resource throughout my transition (thank you Susan!!!), I've never been moved to joined. That has changed now because I'm in a very different part of my journey.  I feel pretty much completed aside from FFs and yet I've been experiencing dysphoria pretty badly lately.

So, how I hope to use these pages is by sharing my story as well as looking for advice.

So my first "issue." Gender dysphoria.  I'm 10 years fulltime this year in the fall and having dysphoria has totally blindsided me.  I feel like I'm at the beginning again. I don't like leaving the house sometimes, and I feel like people are always staring at me and "spooking" me.  The kicker is I pass and I know I do, yet I can't shake the feeling.  I think it stems from having everything else being done yet when I look in the mirror I see remnants of him.  It's a strange feeling to have a vagina and dysphoria at the same time.  I should note that I'm 6'1 and a former model so people do indeed look. But I find myself on edge.  It could be I'm 42 and I'm being seen as my age now. Which is hard.  And I feel as I age my transness is a bit more apparent.  I've seen in older trans women who passed their entire lives without ffs and get to a certain age and things become noticeable.

Issue #2. Dry, tight, painful when having sex vagina.

That pretty much sums it up, lol! I absolutely do not regret SRS, but it's a pain.  Since day 1 my Vag has been tight and it never loosened. I've been great about dilating until the past 3 months.  I've travelled a lot and it's difficult to adhere to a dilation schedule when doing so.  I've lost about 1/2 an inch.  I'm not too concerned because I believe I can get it back. (learned that here).Any advice on tight, painful when having sex vaginas, will be greatly appreciated.  I 've actually stopped dating because of the sex thing.  My last bf was fine with it. We had anal sex instead. But I didn't go through all of this to be relegated to the back door!

Thanks for reading this long rant.

I'm totally grateful for all the great information here!

Angie

P.S. Although I'm saving, I'm researching getting insurance to cover ffs. It's difficult but it does happen. Dr. Spiegel is on my list of possible surgeons as well as a doctor in NYC who I know will except insurance yet he isn't world renowned.

Are you using enough lube? You are probably not going to produce enough of it on your own. The other thing is you could be tensing up and that is making it tighter.

Regarding number 2, perhaps you could try Suporn's dynamic dilation technique. Its supposed to be good for that kind of thing.

Welcome to Susan's Place.
(1) Not moving in society is not a good thing. If it continues, you should consider seeing a therapist. This happens in the CIS population so any good therapist would be aware of it and how to deal with it. Something not mentioned in your post. Some post surgical girls discontinue HRT. This is a huge mistake and if you did, you should make an effort to get back on it again. Because of bad advice, I was off HRT for about 10 years and my face lost so much fat that I became very gaunt in appearance even though I was 10 pounds overweight. A year back on HRT and losing 30 pounds, I am looking far better but I will require more time to regain all I lost.

(2) One possibility for the dryness is the doctor can prescribe a vaginal estrogen cream. This will help the vagina become self lubricating. This would be even worst if you are not on HRT.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Quote from: DemonRaven on March 16, 2017, 05:09:37 PM
Are you using enough lube? You are probably not going to produce enough of it on your own. The other thing is you could be tensing up and that is making it tighter.

Thank you for replying. I started off using surgilube like many do.  It worked ok. I ordered 4or 5 tubes but I don't think it's what they had at the hospital so I switched to Targets version of KY lubricant. I like it the best. So, yes, I use a ton of lube. 

Quote from: AnonyMs on March 16, 2017, 06:08:59 PM
Regarding number 2, perhaps you could try Suporn's dynamic dilation technique. Its supposed to be good for that kind of thing.

Thank you for replying. I'm not familiar with his technique so I'll have to look into it.

Quote from: Dena on March 16, 2017, 09:05:49 PM
Welcome to Susan's Place.
(1) Not moving in society is not a good thing. If it continues, you should consider seeing a therapist. This happens in the CIS population so any good therapist would be aware of it and how to deal with it. Something not mentioned in your post. Some post surgical girls discontinue HRT. This is a huge mistake and if you did, you should make an effort to get back on it again. Because of bad advice, I was off HRT for about 10 years and my face lost so much fat that I became very gaunt in appearance even though I was 10 pounds overweight. A year back on HRT and losing 30 pounds, I am looking far better but I will require more time to regain all I lost.

(2) One possibility for the dryness is the doctor can prescribe a vaginal estrogen cream. This will help the vagina become self lubricating. This would be even worst if you are not on HRT.

I'm gonna ask my doctor about the estrogen cream. That sounds really promising.
And I have been thinking about therapy, I just don't like it very much.  Plus I haven't become a total recluse. I'm just hyper aware of people noticing me in public.

As for tightness, I think I have a small circumference. No matter how much I lube and relax, I'm still tight.
I've not come across corrective surgery for widening the neo vagina. Is that possible? Has anyone heard of that?

Oh yeah. I've been on hormones consistently for the entirety of my transition. There have been moments here and there though.

I'm not sure I understand how estrogen cream could be useful.. It's worth a try though.

Since It's the Cowper's gland and prostate that provides lubrication when it comes to post op. A girls labia will get wet as that is where the urethral opening and cowpers's gland leads to but the inside vagina (inverted penis) will not naturally produce lubricant. (Since penile skin does not produce its own lubricant)
Because of this I don't understand how a estrogen cream could help with neovagina lubrication..
Estrogen creams are used to help treat menopause symptoms (such as vaginal dryness/burning/itching) in cis women because that area used to naturally produce lubricant so it is repairing the damage of time but this is possible because the vagina wall seeps lubricant during arousal and there are extra lubrication glands near the opening of a cis vagina..
These glands are far deeper inside on a genetic male body and neovagina.

It's worth a try though, no harm in trying it estrogen could still maybe stimulate the Cowper's gland deep inside somehow and produce more lubricant for the labia. Though I believe those glands are actually fuelled by testosterone...

As far as manufactured Lubricant goes, it can wear off every 15 minutes or so you might need to apply more, even with good lubricants.. But if you are applying plenty of lube (all over the penis before entry into the neovagina) I'm really not sure how you could still be experiencing dryness.
That sounds very unfortunate. Wishing you all the best.

You also can expand the size of a neo vagina, if done slowly and carefully, I have heard of trans girls being able to be fisted! Wow



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

The lubricant I am using is this one. It's pretty cheap and it seems to be thicker that the store brand I was buying before.

As for the estrogen cream, it helps convert the cells in the vagina to vaginal tissue which produces some moisture. The cream was made for CIS women who have entered menopause and has been available for years. The original cream was under the Premarin brand name but I have heard there is another that may be more effective. 

Quote from: Dena on March 17, 2017, 08:34:54 AM
The lubricant I am using is this one. It's pretty cheap and it seems to be thicker that the store brand I was buying before.

As for the estrogen cream, it helps convert the cells in the vagina to vaginal tissue which produces some moisture. The cream was made for CIS women who have entered menopause and has been available for years. The original cream was under the Premarin brand name but I have heard there is another that may be more effective.

That's what my surgeon sent me home with and what I still use. Less than half the price of surgilube.
Thanks for the info on the estrogen cream. I'm going to ask my Gyno about it!

Quote from: Dena on March 17, 2017, 08:34:54 AM
The lubricant I am using is this one. It's pretty cheap and it seems to be thicker that the store brand I was buying before.

As for the estrogen cream, it helps convert the cells in the vagina to vaginal tissue which produces some moisture. The cream was made for CIS women who have entered menopause and has been available for years. The original cream was under the Premarin brand name but I have heard there is another that may be more effective.

That's a good price  I'm gonna try this and see how I like it. Thanks!

P.S. Although I'm saving, I'm researching getting insurance to cover ffs. It's difficult but it does happen. Dr. Spiegel is on my list of possible surgeons as well as a doctor in NYC who I know will except insurance yet he isn't world renowned.
[/quote]

Hi Angie, fellow ny'er here! Who's the ffs surgeon you mention in NYC? Thanks! Lily

Quote from: TigerLilyNYC on March 18, 2017, 12:43:42 PM

Hi Angie, fellow ny'er here! Who's the ffs surgeon you mention in NYC? Thanks! Lily

http://www.mountsinai.org/profiles/jess-ting

Dr. Ting at Mt Sinai. They have a transgender support team now including surgery. They accept differet types of insurance including Medicaid.

Thanks, Angie! They were supposed to have Dr DiM there but I don't think it's happening 

Quote from: angiedream on March 17, 2017, 03:20:11 AM
I started off using surgilube like many do.  It worked ok. I ordered 4or 5 tubes but I don't think it's what they had at the hospital so I switched to Targets version of KY lubricant. I like it the best. So, yes, I use a ton of lube.

I'd be careful about using Surgilube. It looks like it has chlorhexidinein it, which is a very powerful antiseptic/disinfectant. Chlorhexidine can cause serious skin irritation, and its probably best not to kill off all the bacteria in there.

Dr. McGinn recommends Surgilube. I used 2 cases of that and now am using the lube Dena recommended. I like the flip top and it feels a little bit less viscous than surgilube.

#4 dilator has become tight. I am using hydro cortisol cream (helps to stretch scars) as per Papillion. If penetrating with #4  remains painful they will prescribe estrogen cream which they said will help to stretch the scar tissue at the vaginal entrance.

I did not have the reverse penile procedure. I had a scrotal graph.

Quote from: Rachel Lynn on March 18, 2017, 07:38:40 PM
I did not have the reverse penile procedure. I had a scrotal graph.

IIRC they still do in the inversion but use the scrotal tissue in addition if there is not enough penile skin... at least that was what was dome for me...

My scar from the graft suture line can still be felt and i had SRS in 1998.

- Karen

are you douching at all?

If you are douching are you using douches with vinegar?  or are you using medicated (iodine) douches?

the vinegar douches will dry you out like crazy. 

if necessary, use a Summers Eve medicated 2 pack. use one with iodine, one with the saline rinse. use the medicated first, then rinse with the saline.

I had a checkup with my doctor yesterday and he prescribed the estrogen cream for me. I also purchased the Vagisil moisturiser and that helped a great deal. I'vebeenusing it for about two weeks now.  My dilating experience is soo much better. I cant wait to try the estrogen cream. So thank you to the ladies who left suggestions!!