Emotion is hard. I don't think that's just limited to being male or female. It's just hard, period. When you care, you can care too much. But on the flip side it shows you things you never would have dreamed.

A depth of perspective you just can't get any other way.

Allowing yourself to feel is one of the toughest things you can probably ever do in your life, if you're used to pushing everything down and waiting for it to go away. I spent a great many years doing that.

I don't envy the position you're in, sweetie. And I wish I could say it gets easier. What I can say though... is that you learn more about yourself, and others, than you ever would have thought. And in the end, if you embrace it, it will make you so much more than you ever thought possible. Empathy, understanding, insight and intuition... I would not give that up for anything. Even with the... side effects it can cause.

Keep going, okay? I know you've been through a hell that would make most people run and hide, and you have to work through that... whatever strength I have, I give to you in the hopes that you come out the other side so much stronger and determined.

It is worth it. Trust me.

*hugs*

I guess so. I just want to be a woman. If I had my chance to restart life as a female and have a uterous and even the nitty gritty like the XX chromosome (not that I lose much sleep over my 99% chance likely xy) i just wish i could change that all. Though, being more reasonable I just wish I could live as a girl and not be bombarded with all my insecutires. I am they will always be there but they are much worse because they creep in during my happiest of times and destroy me. I am a woman I would say, YES! But i still wana do things like camp, fish and such.. I just waa do the female stuff without all the added shame and those notious ''wtf am i doing moments''

Like I said it seems life would be eiaser to live as that male coward I had for so long, but on the flip side I cant even look at like my old male clothing that is still in a garbage bag without having a thuderous stomach and twitchy muscles and at times will cry if my automatic voice of ''Its not too bad'' doesnt kick in.. but that voice has lessend over time and the male-relating stuff is hurting even more. If were to go back I would fear I may die, so in many ways I gotta go forward.

Quote from: SailorMars1994 on April 03, 2017, 09:21:01 PM
I guess so. I just want to be a woman. If I had my chance to restart life as a female and have a uterous and even the nitty gritty like the XX chromosome (not that I lose much sleep over my 99% chance likely xy) i just wish i could change that all.

If it helps at all, I was born with a uterus and the XX chromosomes and all that... and none of that stuff helped me figure out how to be a woman. I just couldn't do it, even though I tried for 40 years. Organs and chromosomes do not a woman make. You're already doing a better job of figuring it out than I ever could. And those overwhelming emotions? Ugh, I hated them. I felt I was being held hostage to my hormones & I had no choice about when I could be emotional, nor how strongly I could react. It was humiliating for me; I used to cry when watching TV adverts for Pete's sake. Contrast that with last night when I cried whilst watching a documentary: it was about a stepfather who murdered his wife & her four children. Now that was appropriate, justified crying... and I didn't feel ashamed about that at all.

Of course I'd give anything to have the right equipment, but it wouldn't make me any more a man. And whilst it would be wonderful if you could have the parts you want, they wouldn't make you any more a woman than you already are.

Quote from: FTMDiaries on April 04, 2017, 09:57:56 AM
If it helps at all, I was born with a uterus and the XX chromosomes and all that... and none of that stuff helped me figure out how to be a woman. I just couldn't do it, even though I tried for 40 years. Organs and chromosomes do not a woman make. You're already doing a better job of figuring it out than I ever could. And those overwhelming emotions? Ugh, I hated them. I felt I was being held hostage to my hormones & I had no choice about when I could be emotional, nor how strongly I could react. It was humiliating for me; I used to cry when watching TV adverts for Pete's sake. Contrast that with last night when I cried whilst watching a documentary: it was about a stepfather who murdered his wife & her four children. Now that was appropriate, justified crying... and I didn't feel ashamed about that at all.

Of course I'd give anything to have the right equipment, but it wouldn't make me any more a man. And whilst it would be wonderful if you could have the parts you want, they wouldn't make you any more a woman than you already are.

Oh I understand that having both the normally assigned chromosomes and a utuerus doesn't make one female per say. In your case it didn't make you a woman, its just it would have been nice to have myself been born into those things , alas, that is life and I don't lose sleep over those things but just dream of how great it would be ! I am also sorry if what I said came across as ungreatful or snarkyish against others. That wasn't my intent. I am greatful for estrogen and how I am getting softer skin, less intrusive body hair it would seem and boobage!! and yes, even the senstitive emotions even if they can be a bit freaky at times lol.

Thanks for that FTMDiaries. You are cool guy