gender is male. i'm not even really sure what my sexuality is at this point, so i just roll with pan/bisexual. i do have a preference for females, but i find it hard to tell sometimes how i actually feel toward males--whether it's sexual interest or just admiration. on the other hand, suppose it is sexual interest and i'm just subconsciously trying to deny it because it would somehow take away from my "maleness"? maybe it's not denial so much as distraction; something that starts as attraction turns into jealousy? or maybe i'm just averse to the thought of being with a man physically because, being pre-transition, the only role i could possibly expect to be put/seen in is a female one. ...but then, i'd feel the same with a woman, just feeling like she thought of me as another woman (hence why i have no sex life whatsoever any more, which doesn't help matters), so maybe that's not it. and being raised as a heterosexual female, of course, being with men/showing interest in them has also just been the expected norm all of my life, so it further confuses things for me. i used to think determining one's own sexuality should be easy: does this turn you on? what about this? then congratulations, you're ___-sexual! ...but i've been under a cloud of stress, depression, mind fog, dysphoria, and general confusion for so long that i'm not even sure how to answer that question any more. females are the only thing i know for sure that get that reaction out of me, that i don't have to stop and wonder what exactly it is i'm feeling or what about it is appealing. other stuff is a little less clear, though i'm pretty open to experiences and relationships of all kinds (or at least i feel like i would be if i were in any position to explore those things), so i guess i'll stick with the bi/pan label for now.
