^^ You work so hard and for so long when it's a normally just a human birth right like breathing air...

I saw a documentary once where a child grew up during some sort of horrifying incident during WWII. I believe she either she spent time in a concentration camp, or she had survived the Dutch famine. I can't remember which. After it was over she said the other survivors tended to fall into one of two categories: Those who vowed to truly live, and those that just didn't die.

Transitioning has nothing on that. After more than 30 years of feeling like I didn't even know who I was, I finally had an answer. Sure, I would prefer to either be happy as a male or to be a biological female, but neither of those things are ever going to happen, so I have to make the best of the hand I've been dealt.

I look back at a picture I took of myself a year ago, and feel bad for the person I see in that photo. I considered it a perfectly acceptable picture at the time, but now all I see are the sad, lifeless eyes.

I've accepted my broad shoulders and my narrow hips. I see the progress I've made over the last 11 months of HRT in my appearance, confidence, and outlook. I find the unique insights I've developed as a result of transitioning endlessly fascinating. Most importantly, I'm thankful to live in a time when something can be done, even if it's not a perfect solution. I vow to live!

Quote from: Daisy Jane on April 06, 2017, 10:34:31 PM
I saw a documentary once where a child grew up during some sort of horrifying incident during WWII. I believe she either she spent time in a concentration camp, or she had survived the Dutch famine. I can't remember which. After it was over she said the other survivors tended to fall into one of two categories: Those who vowed to truly live, and those that just didn't die.

Transitioning has nothing on that. After more than 30 years of feeling like I didn't even know who I was, I finally had an answer. Sure, I would prefer to either be happy as a male or to be a biological female, but neither of those things are ever going to happen, so I have to make the best of the hand I've been dealt.

I look back at a picture I took of myself a year ago, and feel bad for the person I see in that photo. I considered it a perfectly acceptable picture at the time, but now all I see are the sad, lifeless eyes.

I've accepted my broad shoulders and my narrow hips. I see the progress I've made over the last 11 months of HRT in my appearance, confidence, and outlook. I find the unique insights I've developed as a result of transitioning endlessly fascinating. Most importantly, I'm thankful to live in a time when something can be done, even if it's not a perfect solution. I vow to live!

Thank you.

I don't think no one ever wants to be trans, or is happy to be trans. The trans folk would definitely prefer to be the cis gender of their choice.
     Being trans, is a compromise for me, its an attempt to survive,coz going on as a male, is nearly getting impossible for me. I never wanted to be trans, I have always wanted to ve a cis female. But I know, that's impossible, so I have to make do with the best possible alternative.
     The people who hate trans people, they are always gonna hate us. But its our duty to be the best version of ourselves.

     

Yes Saira, I too would definitely prefer to be the cis gender, but like Daisy Jane said, I am so thankful to live in a time when something can be done!

I can't figure out how to copy quotes.  Can someone help me on that?  You all are so gifted.

Thanks,
Vera

Quote from: Saira128 on April 07, 2017, 05:23:22 AM
I don't think no one ever wants to be trans, or is happy to be trans. The trans folk would definitely prefer to be the cis gender of their choice.
     Being trans, is a compromise for me, its an attempt to survive,coz going on as a male, is nearly getting impossible for me. I never wanted to be trans, I have always wanted to ve a cis female. But I know, that's impossible, so I have to make do with the best possible alternative.
     The people who hate trans people, they are always gonna hate us. But its our duty to be the best version of ourselves.

   

Said who? We owe no one anything in this life.

Quote from: Wild Flower on April 09, 2017, 06:50:07 PM
Said who? We owe no one anything in this life.

We owe it to ourselves, I think.

I can relate to how you feel. I'm kind of in the middle. On one hand, I wish to goodness I was born a cis girl. It was a terrible twist of fate that I got dealt this life the way I have it. I would gladly trade the pain I've suffered to be myself, the pain of almost having my family fall apart and being accused of many things for hiding being trans...I'd love to not have to go through all these procedures just to be myself. It's a lot of pain. But on the other hand, I know that life has dealt me a different perspective than cis people experience, and I have experienced living in both gender roles in the same life time. In that sense, it's a gift as I like insight on perspectives and experiences of life.

Quote from: KathyLauren on April 09, 2017, 07:01:15 PM
We owe it to ourselves, I think.

Quote from: Wild Flower on April 09, 2017, 06:50:07 PM
Said who? We owe no one anything in this life.

Said me. We don't owe anything to anyone, but if we don't become the best version of ourselves, we'll never grow as a community.

Vera wrote:
"I'd like to begin by simply saying hello.  My name is Vera, I'm 42, MTF.  I've known for more than 20 years that I'm a woman, but I still feel so lost."
and
"When I reached in my purse for my lipstick, I felt such a sense of hopelessness and being trapped.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm too old to transition now.  My hopes and dreams are dying as I type this."

Vera,
Welcome.
I know how you feel. I felt the same a few years ago. I am now over 60 years old, as are many other women in this community.
I know I, and many other women in this community of my vintage, pass very successfully. As I stated in another post, I think people are more accepting of older women, TS, or not.
You have not told us where you live but there is probably a TS friendly group not too far away who could help you. You are not alone, just read the posts on this site.
Please, believe that you are never too old to transition. Plenty of women on this site will vouch for that.
Hugs,
Bronwen.

Hi Bronwen,

Thank you so much for your warm post!  You made me feel a lot better.  I have so much anxiety at times that I can stop to wonder and even doubt myself about my decision to transition.  However, I decided Friday I just needed to get out (en femme), live my life, and enjoy myself.  Stress isn't going to do me any good. 

Also, I live near Mt Vernon, a town about an hour north of Seattle, Wash.  Lucky for me, there are groups in Seattle and a really good transit system to get me there. 

Thanks again for responding, Bronwen.  It really meant a lot.
Vera   

Hi all,
I've accepted who I am as a trans woman and fully came out to myself and 3 friends, but I have not started transitioning. I feel like rubbish most of the time. Mostly it comes from seeing a woman in town or on TV and that will start my feelings of low self esteem. Perhaps its due to envy or something else, I really dont know.
There are days when i want to 100% give up thinking about how I wasn't born into the body I'm meant to be in, and how I didn't develop at the same time as other girls and can't be pregnant (that took its toll big time).
But I guess in the end I know one day I'll be the woman I am and show the world who I am so this brings me hope and joy in the dark times (as cliched as it sounds)
I just hope everything gets better for you sweetie.

Hello Vera,
I am glad to be of help. That is what Susan's is allabout.
I hope you have good luck finding a therapist. Perhaps, the Seattle group might be able to help. I am sorry I cannot help, I am in Melbourne, Australia.
I think the first thing is that you have to accept is who you are and what you want.
For example, I was terrified of admitting I was TS. Eventually, I admitted to myself who I am and my fears just seemed to go away. Today I went shopping and everybody accepted me as just another woman. The women standing in the checkout queues and the checkout women just accepted me. If any one of them had doubts they did not show it. I was not looked at twice by anybody.
So, believe in yourself.
I might add that being on HRT certainly does help. I believe that the sooner you can be prescribed HRT the sooner your feelings and fears will dissipate.
I wish you all the best. The end result is worth the effort.
I wish I could be with you to help you and hug you when needed. So, please accept my virtual hugs.
Hugs,
Bronwen.