Recently, I was talking with my therapist about my "addition" to TG stories, and she said that she thought it was my way of spending some time in "trans space," the way queer people feel the need to spend time in queer space.
I noticed it this weekend when I was away at a retreat center. They're very nice people, I've known them for a while (it's mostly the same people each such weekend), but they're not trans. By the end of the weekend, I felt like I was kind of asphyxiating, like the air was missing some vital element. I ended up reading Jennifer Boylan's book (the only trans thing I could find there), even though I'm not all that wild about the book.
And last night I was with a group of trans women who meet more or less regularly on Wednesday evenings at a diner, and it was just such a relief to be among them. I felt like I could relax the way I can't anywhere else in my life.
I realize that almost all of my time is spent in cisnormative (and mostly heteronormative) spaces. None of them ask me to hide my trans-ness (as if I could, anyway), and some people there are incredibly supportive, but it feels like there's a kind of -- validation? -- they can't give me, because they're not trans. It feels like I'm missing some vital nutrient, like I'm suffering a kind of emotional kwashiorkor.
I used to go to a support group locally 3-4 times a month, but I've been having some problems with the group and haven't been going, which seems to make it worse.
Has anyone else noticed this? If so, any suggestions?
