I had a difficult week in that I was outed at the Office. Now eveyone knows, but they are not in full possession of the facts. I work for a Government Department in the Uk and it generally has a good diversity policy. I sent an Email to the Diversity Officer, who put me in contact with a manager in the Security Department. I said that I had recently been diagnosed as a Dual Role ->-bleeped-<-. That the Pscyhiatrist had told me that my solution was to go to work as a man and live as a woman in my social and Home life. Definition of a Dual Role ->-bleeped-<- was a) I assume the Role of the Opposite Sex on a Temporary or Full time basis b) No sexual motivation for the CD c) No desire for Gender Reassignment.
My reason for disclosing was the Security Clearance, and also that I wanted to allay any embarrassment later on when I maybe in a more senior position. I explained that although I wasn't living role as yet I may be at a future time.If the Office knew about it, their would be less of a chance of Blackmail later on. So I was protecting the 'Office'. I sent the Email and specifically asked that under no circumstances should my current department and working colleagues know about it.  I asked about what the Policy was for Transgendered staff, and said that I was low risk because I rarely visit Transgendered Pubs or places. It is mostly a private thing that I do in my own time. The Officer hasn't got back to me so I donot really know where I stand. I read the Gianna Israel site and it said you only need to come out if you intend living in role. For me it was about my security clearances, which is why I choose to tell.

Of course these things never remain confidential. A day later, One of my colleagues in the staff canteen started to look at me strangely. His mouth Opened and his eyes enlarged to size of a Golfball. He said nothing so I moved on. I then met my Head of Deparment and Deputy Head in the Corridor and they just stood their staring with a surprised and angry look. I ignored them and walked past. I bumped into  A former colleague in the corridor who works in HR. She stood their with her Mouth Open and just stared. Then turned her back on me and walked away. Another colleague walked past but did not say anthing and went bright beetroot red in the face.  The best reaction was from Girl who worked in a different section and came round and Gave me the most pitied look, mixed with one of bewilderment. Another went red in the face. The worse reaction has been from two muslim Girls, one ran past me at top speed in the corridor. The other put a sticker on my noticeboard for NOBO pens, while I was out. I tore it down on my return. I basically work in the same section, and she deffinately doesnot like it. It is obvious that everyone knows within my workplace. My line manager has so far been okay, but I worry that he won't give me a good appraisal know he knows. I donot know what to do, whether to talk to the Diversity Officer, or my Head Department and explain in detail what it is, or send an Email to allay their fears. This could make things worse because I donot know what they have been told so far. Of course they may have no information at all, so are able to make their own judgements. I have a year left in this Department. So do I go to HR and leave for another one where I am not so well known. Or try to stick it out. I feel so angry that what said in strictest confidence hasn't remained so. I feel like a fish in a Goldfish bowl. Everyones strong reaction is surprising because this is the 21st Century and transgendered people are no longer in the closet and have a visible profile. This is to me not that serious,  but I have been made to feel a freak or an outcast.

[edit]Fixed a word[/edit]

Hi Chantelle,

I'm sorry to hear that your having such a hard time at work. I'm thinking that at this moment you are probably feeling betrayed and a little vulnerable. Firstly you should take a deep breath and take a moment to think about your situation. First of all although this is serious but it is not the end of the world. You may feel you can see it from where you stand but that's an illusion. If your laws are like they are here in Australia you have some options. Does your organisation subscribe to a counselling service. If yes make an appointment as you may find that they can act as intermediatries for your dealing with this situation.

If I were in your situation I would be going to HR to talk to them about what has happened. I think that the actions of the security officer while deplorable also leave the Department with some responsibility. I don't think that you should or could allay the fears of the others alone. The Department should be undertaking this action.

I am a CD and from your description I would probably meet the criteria for your diagnosis. One of my biggest fears is to be out at work. I have thought about what to do if the situation arises and what I have describd to you is what I would do.

The most important thing is not to act rashly take your time consider your options. If things get a little tough remember we are here and you can safely talk through your concerns. Sometimes just seeing your problems in writing helps with the solution. At the very least you can find some support amongst the people here who understand you.

Hugs Shelley

Hi Chantelle,

I am a dual cd/tv too and I have been out for 10 yrs. You just hold your head high and don't let anyone's negative judgement get you down. Sometimes it takes 'balls of steel" to be transgender! So you look them in the eye and feel the pride of doing the right thing for your office and yourself.

Good luck hon
DebTV

Chantelle, for the life of me I cannot understand why you felt it necessary to say anything at all at this point. Anything you say to your therapist is confidential. You don't dress except at home so it was really a non-issue at work. If your concern was attempted blackmail then anyone who tried you could have just said, so what tell whoever you want I don't care. That would put a quick end to that. Then you could have just reported the attempt and the individual could have been arrested.

Of course the cat is out of the bag now so there is really only one thing to do. Look people straight in the eye and don't back down. Hold your head high and be proud of who you are. I think you'll find most people will warm back up to you if you don't act like you have done something wrong or are a freak. Once people.

Another issue occurs to me though. How was it a confidential email was leaked to your entire section? You mean to tell me your security people who are charged with keeping secrets can't keep a secret? Seems to me you're not the one anyone should be concerned with security wise. Maybe it's just me but I tend to think people who are in charge of secrets should be able to keep them. But then that's just me. Call me crazy. 

Cassie

Hi Chantelle,

                  Shelly and Cassie have already given you excellent advice. I would suggest to anyone in a similar situation to not use email. Print out what you have to say and make an appointment with the proper person so that you can hand deliver the letter and discuss the situation in person. I think this will impress upon the person how sensitive, private and serious the situation is.

                  Mail and E-mail are often opened by staff of those in charge. E-mail is easily and quickly distributed to all, much more likely to happen than someone making physical copies of a sensitive letter and passing them out.

                  I hope things work out well for you Chantelle.


beth

c.y.a. cover your a** . always make copies and print every thing out that has been e-mailed. also make notes lots of notes regarding  this outing. you may have to remember some of this stuff much later when you file for harassment charges. I truly hope it does not come to that, but it sure sounds like you are off to a rough start on the gender issue. Something that should have never gotten as far as it did. I wish you the very best.

Whoa there Paula. There was no indication of harrasment in Chantelle's post and copying documents in a security environment can get someone in a lot of trouble or at least lead to accusations of espionage even if the documents are seemingly personal. In some environments the mere suspicion is sufficient to ruin a career. Being an out Trans is a bad enough career killer as it is. The last thing Chantelle needs is to add insult to injury. If there is any harrasement the best advice is to contact an attorney who deals with such things and follow their advice.

I agree that documenting incidents is prudent but caution in such matters should be the rule.

Cassie

Hi Chantelle,
I'm so sorry that the Diversity Dept. guy let this out of the bag.  I wonder if you should politely and unemotionally discuss with HR or the Diversity Dept. why people now seem to know about your condition.  I might add that you came out for the good of the office -- trying to be honest and helpful with them.  In a sense, perhaps the fact that this "outing" jeapardizes your livelihood -- or perhaps not.  I don't know whether people who work for the government are in as much danger from losing jobs as in the private sector.

When I came out, I told the people in my immediate department and, surprise, surprise.  Everyone within the company and companies we worked with quickly found out about my TS status.  My former ex, with some daggers aimed my way, said, "See, there's NOTHING that's going to travel faster through the company than some kinky story about sex.  I, of course, didn't consider what I was doing kinky -- unfortunately, though, pandering television shows love showing the kinky side of ->-bleeped-<-.  I presume it's a real crowd pleaser.

Anyway, rest assured, it's something we all go through whether we like it or not.  Maybe in a few decades, society will get bored with us and find something else to gossip about around the water cooler.

So, for now, try to relax.  I think the worst is over.  And, as some said before, be calm and proud of what you are.  If you get angry, it'll just give them amunition -- they can accuse you of being unbusinesslike.

Good luck and think peaceful thoughts.

Hugs, Teri

Chantelle,
I can see advantages & opportunities for you in this - nasty and unfair as it seems now.  Just keep acting as per usual. keep a happy disposition & don't let anybody get under your skin.  I would think people would have a good opinion of you & be well disposed towards you.  I certainly have, you are one of those people that other people instinctively tend to like

Everybody in their heart of hearts would know that you have been treated in a bad way by whoever spread that gossip about you, when the novelty wears off, people will realise you are the same decent person you always were.  And I suspect things will get back to normal.  Your company is in the wrong & you have been spared having to come out publically - because its been done for you in a way that would maximise peoples support for you (I think    )

If some people change towards you, thats their problem not yours - it shows how they truely are, somthing you may not have found out otherwise.

Brass it out with good grace Chantelle you are too nice and strong to be damaged by this

Hugs
rana

Sorry to hear that this happened to you.

Not sure what the laws are like but is there a possibility of a really good lawsuit that could keep you quite comfortable for awhile?

Good luck with everything.

Hugs

Personally I bristle a little at this jump to getting an attorney. So far no real damage has been done. Running to an attorney because people look at you funny when they find out you're TG just makes us all look like a bunch of whiners. Unless there is some real damage or discrimination involved it should be left alone. Being TG is tough, being an out TG is tougher. If you can't stand the heat don't go into the kitchen. IMO.

Cassie

It has been a difficult two weeks for  me and the saga still continues. I got an interview with the Personnel Officer in HR as well as with the Office's diversity manager. The HR Manager didnot really want to be involved with the issue and that this one was one for the Diversity Manager. The reply from the Diversity Officer was , ' I am really angry that this has happened to you'. Do you have any idea who it was that leaked the information? '. I said that I had idea that it was the Security Department who leaked it.  I said that as I had no proof I didnot want to pursue this further. I wanted to preserve my dignity. The diversity Officer hurried through an interview with a Security Officer who deals with clearances. I got called into his office for a chat. Nothing to worry about he said.

What I faced was some of the most ignorant views that I have ever come accross. It was like he no idea what the difference between a TV and a TS was. He basically told me that when I went to live Overseas the Office would provide net curtains so that I could dress in privacy. Donot worry if you want to wear a skirt their are plenty of fancy dress parties that you can wear your outfit too. I tried to explain that I did it to pass and blend in and not to stand out.  There would a problem with some posts as it is not excepted yet. I said that I was a Dual ->-bleeped-<- who didnot go out that much, but would dress in their Home and Social Life. He then told me that all would need was someone who would see you like this and they may then try Blackmail. I would have to be reinterviewed by a Security Officer. So the upshot of this is that I donot whether I get to keep my job. As my clearances could all be revoked. If that Happens then I would loose my job. Although it is probably not that likely. I was given a booklet on the Gender Recognition Act 2004. I was told by the Officer that I was the first they have ever had in the Office. I cannot really believe that as their must be a lot more, probably more cleverly keeping quiet if they have any sense.  With this kind of treatment I donot believe that any one else would choose to come out like this.

I wrote an Email to a Manager who sits on various Gender Advice Groups. I explained that I was a TV and that One per cent of the world's population are TV's. One in 30,000 are Transexuals and asked what the Policy was with regard to Going abroad and being transgendered. I am still to receive a response to all of this. I am hoping as the Guy is high up that hopefully he can create a policy and I get to keep my job.

I then met a Colleague in the Corridor who had heard by the 'Grapevine' and looked tremendously upset that this had happen. I was treated with tremendous pity. I really hate that when people treat you with pity as I am self reliant, and like everyone else donot want a bit of anyone elses pity. Anyway I talked to her later in depth about it. I said although Embarrasing coming out like this it would be more embarrassing if I had not told anyone and it emerged from other sources. So in a way although hard at the moment it is for the Best.  I had no choice in going public as the information was leaked anyway by some thoughtless colleague.

This week we have the Office 'Away Day' where the Department has a chance to team bond. I am in two minds to go. On the one hand its a chance to explain to others what I do. On the other hand the whole exercise is about a lecture on the topic of Diversity. This is going to be given by one of the people who leaked the information to everyone. I am not sure that I can listen to any more speeches at the moment on Diversity. I also do not want to be the token TV Guy in the Office. I want to be treated normally like everyone else and know for my work achievements rather than the fact that I am a TV. So my plan is to phone in sick that day. The problem is that you can only avoid people for so long. So I am not really sure what I am going to do at the moment.

I think you hav already answered your question Chantelle, you can only avoid people for so long. Just go forward confidently, carry on as if you were never "outed".
If there is a problem, its other peoples problem - certainly not yours

Chin up girl

rana

These events may point to a lack of training on a number of issues.

Confidentiality of personal information should be held to the highist standards and all training shoud stress this  point at every oppertunity. It is something pepole need to be constantly reminded about.

Diversity training should include transgender issues. and this training needs to go to the higest admistrative levels.

All this does little to help you in your situation The hope is that it wont happen again.

Keep your chin up! You are still standing tall!

Kate