Tessa,

I'm finding that I tend to shy away from "prosthetics" in general for that reason of "feeling fake," Breast forms, wigs, etc. They just don't feel right, even though they help me see what I'm looking for. When I first started seeing my counselor she suggested I go into a local store in my area called Transformations by Rori. I ended up going in and talking to a gentleman there who gave me some good advice and all, but what he said before I left really got home that cross dressing didn't cut it for me. "Dressing up is just fun sometimes." It was like THATS THE DIFFERENCE. There's nothing fun about wearing women's clothes, I don't get excited, aroused, or anything like that when I put them on. (Other than occasionally feeling pretty/sexy)  I want to wear them because I feel at home in them and want the world to see me for who I am. I know that as I progress in my transition, they will help me to present as a woman.

Quote from: Rambler on February 10, 2017, 03:24:18 PM
There's nothing fun about wearing women's clothes, I don't get excited, aroused, or anything like that when I put them on. (Other than occasionally feeling pretty/sexy)  I want to wear them because I feel at home in them and want the world to see me for who I am. I know that as I progress in my transition, they will help me to present as a woman.

And that's it in a nutshell.  When you are wearing women's clothing you aren't cross-dressing.  You are simply dressing, getting your presentation aligned with your gender identity.  The dysphoria, what Ann Vitale calls "Gender Presentation Deprivation Disorder", is alleviated and you get to just be yourself, no need to pump energy into a male facade or fret over that facade being breached.  It's gone, and you are just being you.

There's less stress on yourself, and you are simply being yourself like almost all people, at last.

I have always had an aversion to women's clothing all my life, and a love of men's clothing, so dressing as a female in women's clothing annoyed me greatly. But yes, when wearing the clothing I actually want to wear (all the time now, since it's sorta easy to dress all in menswear as a young "girl" wiithout getting tooo many problems (just some mild confusion and plenty of homophobia) or having to come out as trans), it makes me feel real weird about my chest and my proportions and all sorts of stuff to a much greater extent. Because I just want to fit how I imagined I would look in the clothes.... These are things I never thought about to such an extent in women's clothes because I was just trying to look socially acceptable to other people. When I was wearing women's clothes i was anxious about people judging me instead... Like, have I put on an acceptable outfit to not be singked singled out for being weird and awkard and not right like other girls. In men's clothes i fel like i am dressing perfeftly to express myself but then my body becomes the more obvuous isssue. So yes, I agree with the sentiment.

I don't know how to feel about it, honestly. I put on a dress (in private) the other day, I look and feel like a boy in a dress. I like formalwear (dress shirts, ties, blazers) but I look too young to be wearing that and it looks weird. In that sense I feel cosplay is sort of an outlet, since the characters I choose tend to dress formal. However, even though generally in those outfits nobody questions my gender and I also pass as the characters pretty well for some reason, I still feel weird and self conscious. The problem is my mind more than other people, I just can't put it to rest.

I have been reading the responses to this and I have come to a realization.  I need to restate the original question.  Does dressing increase tour body dysphoria?  I realized that is the case for me.  It eases the mental dysphoria, but increases the dysphoria over my body.

Thanks for helping me clarify that in my mind.

Quote from: NikkiB51 on April 01, 2017, 02:16:38 PM
I have been reading the responses to this and I have come to a realization.  I need to restate the original question.  Does dressing increase tour body dysphoria?  I realized that is the case for me.  It eases the mental dysphoria, but increases the dysphoria over my body.

Thanks for helping me clarify that in my mind.

Yep, I feel that way. Mentally I feel like I am channeling masculinity and being myself - great! But with my body, it just makes me more aware of my female body. I feel like there are parts of me that are making me look sorta comical and ruining how i wanna look.

Before hrt DEFINITELY. That thing with the "man in woman's clothes" feel was a big thing before hrt. The best way I coped with it was to wear near andro clothes but on like the slightly feminine side. Going full time at hrt start would've been too hard in the beginning.

I absolutely think "cross dressing" increases dysphoria.  I don't think you necessarily mean cross dressing, but rather the difficulties of finding clothes that feel comfortable while transitioning.

Like the other posters have noted, it calls attention to the parts of your body which you don't like.  I agree with the comment that HRT will eventually help.  A more immediate solution is to be more subtle about your clothing choices.  I wear nothing but women's casuals.  I would LIKE to be able to wear more variety in clothing options, but at this time it doesn't make me feel good.  It also doesn't help me be passable.

I absolutely agree with the post about not wanting to wear wigs or prosthetics.  This is the same reason I choose not to wear make-up even though I could mask my 5 o'clock shadow.  It also helps me focus on the actual priorities I have.  Wearing a wig would distract me from regrowing my own hair.  Using make-up would make electrolysis seem less urgent, and believe me it is a VERY URGENT concern of mine.

Quote from: Axolotl on April 24, 2017, 10:37:48 AM
I absolutely think "cross dressing" increases dysphoria.  I don't think you necessarily mean cross dressing, but rather the difficulties of finding clothes that feel comfortable while transitioning.

Like the other posters have noted, it calls attention to the parts of your body which you don't like.  I agree with the comment that HRT will eventually help.  A more immediate solution is to be more subtle about your clothing choices.  I wear nothing but women's casuals.  I would LIKE to be able to wear more variety in clothing options, but at this time it doesn't make me feel good.  It also doesn't help me be passable.

I absolutely agree with the post about not wanting to wear wigs or prosthetics.  This is the same reason I choose not to wear make-up even though I could mask my 5 o'clock shadow.  It also helps me focus on the actual priorities I have.  Wearing a wig would distract me from regrowing my own hair.  Using make-up would make electrolysis seem less urgent, and believe me it is a VERY URGENT concern of mine.

I agree to much of this.  Being subtle and "realistic" is important.  Although many of us have dreams of wearing a beautiful gown to a formal affair, dressing appropriately and what average CIS females wear for a situation should help you feel more comfortable.  Look around and "most" woman wear jeans, leggings or yoga pants and casual tops whenever possible.  Sure, formal occasions or certain business atmosphere's make sense to dress-up, but not lounging around at home on the couch.  To me, that would feel awkward and uncomfortable because it's unusual as a woman to do so.

As for prosthetics, I wear breast forms because it helps with shape...but i could never get comfortable with using wigs, no matter how realistic and "high-end" they were.  They just threw me over the deep-end.

This feeling hold me away from comming out as transgender for tha last 7 years, thould past 20 its over, but when my girlfriend let me wear a dress in january while we were together i first looked into a mirror and thought, maybe it can work out

Quote from: goliard on April 24, 2017, 12:09:36 PM
maybe it can work out

It will work out

Dr. Harry Benjamin noted this phenomenon over 50 years ago in his famous work The Transsexual Phenomenon.


The full and complete transsexual (S.O.S. V and VI) finds only temporary and partial relief through
"dressing." I have even met transsexuals who would not "dress" at all." What good is it?" they said; "it does not make me a woman. I am not interested in her clothes; I am only interested in being a woman." That is the true transsexual sentiment.

Quote from: Jane Emily on April 27, 2017, 08:52:31 PM
Dr. Harry Benjamin noted this phenomenon over 50 years ago in his famous work The Transsexual Phenomenon.


The full and complete transsexual (S.O.S. V and VI) finds only temporary and partial relief through
"dressing." I have even met transsexuals who would not "dress" at all." What good is it?" they said; "it does not make me a woman. I am not interested in her clothes; I am only interested in being a woman." That is the true transsexual sentiment.

Kind of obvious to me now, but I wish I'd known that 30 years ago.

Depends. I wont publically go out in drag, but occassionally might wear a pink shirt or shoes or something. i have a really cool hot pink and black plaid flannel shirt that I love to wear, another one a dark gray hoodie with pink strings. Back when I wore "girls" clothes I had clothing that leaned masculinely so much so my mom was always mad at me.


When not out in public and dressing at home, or maybe out in a club, I do like to crossdress and go femboy, things like thigh highs, lace, armsleeves, etc. I dont have any of the sort but I might not dislike miniskirts and cute girly clothes. Of course, I havent really done this much at all, wast planning to until I transitioned better, since I have I wouldnt mind picking that up again but there just isnt a time for it.


Overall I say Im only into girly frilly stuff as a sexy thing, but I dont think Im all that flamboyant, just a guy who you'll probably catch wearing that forbidden color now and again.

Edit: Totally misread the original post and went off the title but there's my response. Oh well.

Quote from: NikkiB51 on February 02, 2017, 02:30:17 PM
I would just like to know that I am not weird.  When I have tried to dress in women's clothes, I find myself disgusted at the "man in women's clothes."  It makes me feel worse about myself.  I am not questioning whether I am trans, but I can'tell stand to look at myself wearing women's clothes and I hate my male body.

I can't wait to start hrt because of how "right" I felt when I was taking phytoestrogen.  I just want to know that I am not alone feeling like this.

Thanks.

That dreaded "Some GUY in a Dress...." feeling. Oh How I know it well. Oh how I know how effective it was in putting an end to my two transition "experiments" in my early 20's and now perhaps some 30-40 years later my third shot at life.

I relied on low dose HRT on/off several times over the intervening decades in order to survive. I've been on full feminizing dose for about 8 years now. With a very MINOR amount of authority as well as being (today) a somewhat reliable metric....

All the HRT in all in the World will not help you loose that feeling. Having, In Part s I do, the body of a woman does not. What does help, and REQUIRES a ton of work, is fixing yourself from the inside, and after that the outside does not (OK it does some) matter all that much.

After a some.... almost 30 year period(?); I cannot find the words to describe the absolute joy..... No Peace of My Soul, of being out in the real world as the real me. All while being the same same 6ft tall, no surgery, big everything person I was 30 and more years earlier.

I guess....  The best way for me to explain it was before I felt I was faking it. It took 30 years for me be feel like I was Genuine.

Thank you all.  I think I understand things better now, especially the whole Harry Benjamin part.  I will take a try at an andro look with feminine colors until I can start hrt.  It is also nice to know that others feel the same.

For me from 1963 on up, can't say dressing had any relief or more dysphoria.

My worst came later in 1974-1976, HRT - Electrolysis - Hair down to almost shoulder length and spending more and more time as a woman in public.  Worked shift work, so during day-time I could take adult learning courses, took things like machine sewing and such.  Was able to attend as a woman among other women.  Even got my partner to take a needlework class.  As I got closer to the time to come out at work.  The Monday - Friday changing back to men's clothes made it worse.

After I came out to work and had to wait for them to decide when I could work as a woman, was the worst.  A period from DEC 76 - MAY77.

Yes, the dysphoria associated with crossdressing became overwhelming for me.  Worse than any intrinsic dysphoria I had to begin with.  The cycles of dressing for relief followed by intense rebound of dysphoria went in a crescendo until unbearable.  Like others, I obtained no erotic stimulation from it.  It was not a sexual thing in any way for me, jut a realization and expression of femininity.  Initially, it seemed to have a dysphoria relieving effect but soon any sort lasting relief was overshadowed by a tsunami of reactive dysphoria when returning to my male role.  That is when I started therapy.

With a fair amount of psychotherapy and a lot of meditation and introspection, I got to a place were I'm not feeling pressed, of in fact, wanting to crossdress, not dysphoric over my male presentation on a day to day basis.  I often will see a very attractive woman, an article of clothing or some other evidence of the feminine and have a passing thought where I might wish I were living in a feminine role but not resulting in a wave of dysphoria.

Many have warned me that this may not be a stable solution, dysphoria being a nasty demon that more often than not refuses to be caged and controlled.  I am aware of this, not in denial over my TG nature, but have at least found a practical path forward that seems to be working well.  I am ready to confront the demon as needed.

In a different life, transition might have made a lot of sense for me.  Where I am now, it does not and would leave my life in ruin.

I don't want to take anything away from those who are saying that HRT produced changes which made them more comfortable expressing themselves in their new gender. 

For me though, what got me comfortable with feminine self-expression was mostly practice.  I was never trained to present as female, so it took some work.  In my case this took the form of shopping consistently in some of the same stores, getting to know the sales staff to the point where they knew how to advise me and I felt comfortable taking their advice. 

I am on HRT, but I am of such an age (and height ) that it hasn't changed my body enough to make women's clothes suddenly fit me.  Most of them still don't.  I have, however, figured out what to buy and how to layer.  My son recently commented that I seem to have found my style, and he's right.  I know how to do what I do.

If HRT gives you curves, count your lucky stars.  Otherwise, figure it out in the dressing room.

Until last year I had never heard of dysphoria all i knew is I hated my penis. I hated not being understood. I hated withdrawing from my family and what few people I was able to make friends with. It is something I never put much time into because of my guilt, I hated losing my first wife. I hated the nagging feeling that something was not Kosher in my life. My life had no outlook. Everything was directed inward. I longed for the days when Mom would dress me up and give me compliments on how pretty I was. Since I started HRT, I have never been more normal. Today when I dress up it is a celebration of a victory over my inner demons and the demons are not in being a crossdresser or transgender. The demons are not embracing it early. One in which I finally find myself, after 64 years of searching. Thanks to luck I met my present wife 35 years ago. She has been  one of the few people to try and understand me. And she loves me in spite of myself.
So No Crossdressing does not make me dysphoric.