for pretty much all my life i knew i was different from all the other boys, i may not have known the word transgender but the feelings were always there. iv lived all my life in a lie and have been suffering for it. i decided to transition a while ago and started to play a game of strategy moving my peices carefully in order to control the outcome of the game in my favor. i guess it worked because im now about to start hrt, i literally have the pills in my hand as i type. instead of rejoicing i find myself hesitate and ponder if this is truly what i want, is this the right thing? once i start my life will never be the same, everything will cagange forever. before it was a game and a pipe dream, living in south texas a found myself dismissing this as impossible. now everything is real and i feel myself filling with fear and doubt, so honestly i really dont know what to do, and yes i know only i can decide what's right for me but still lol i just felt like ranting haha...

This is one of the things that you should discuss with your therapist. One of the reason for RLE is to build the new life you will be living in and it doesn't all happen once you take the first pill. You could take estrogen for a couple of months and physically very little change would happen. Depending on the dosage, you  might see a large change mentally. I would recommend you have a few more visits with your therapist to discuss this and it would be your decision if you want to start HRT now or delay it for a few weeks while you become more comfortable with the idea.