Quote from: Aurorasky on May 08, 2017, 05:08:05 PM
I know no one is talking, I was just sharing my experience of when people are overly nice, particularly men.

and why would that bother you? This thread was about if it bothers you when people are overly nice. Obviously when men are overly nice it's because they are flirting. Woman being nice is complete different which is what we was talking about, you don't need to let people know you get hit on, because I'm sure we all have so it's not like it's a big tadoo.

I really want to say snarky one more time. But yes, black women have tended to be. Black men? Not snarky so much no. Whole different story there.

I have had people being over nice like that. It's been a while so I don't really remember how I felt about it. If I remember right it was just a relief not to have open animosity.

I am however completely tired of condescending people. I don't think that it has to do with being trans because there is just no indication that they have a clue. Not the people who somehow just KNOW that my name has been changed to Sweetie or Hon. They feel more like country, down home sorority sisters, or my gay friends. Sigh, I have given up on trying to shake the cliche out of them. I am talking about the people that can somehow tell by looking at me that I have no brain. How!? It's maddening! How can they tell by breathing the same air I do that I have the IQ of a cantaloupe? I am dumbfounded when I haven't even opened my mouth yet and the customer service person who has treated the three people in front of me perfectly normal looks at me and starts to talk to me like I am a lost child at a carnival.

In Nijmegen, Netherlands 90' or 92' I noticed an absolutely gorgeous guy watching the troops from all over the world hike into camp. I worked up my courage and approached him. Spreek je Engels? Sprichst du Englisch? Parles tu anglais? Hablas inglés? The specimen looks at me with a smile that could stop the tides, (certainly stopped my heart) in his warm Scottish brogue said,"I like to think I speak it fairly well."

I wish that I could come up with a line like that for those people!

Ah... Rant over?

Just roll with it.  Believe me, it could be worse.

Folks, particularly men, raised in a culture that values 'manliness' and has 'issues' with anything that may be perceived as a threat to 'manliness' respond very differently, even when their living depends on it.  Having a clerk, waitperson, or nurse (!) go out of their way to start and end every sentence with "Sir" when talking to a MtF person is far more annoying than someone being nice to us.  At least when a waitperson does this I can zero out the tip as a hint.

I have not had someone do the over the top thing. I would think that even if a bit annoying it's better to feel they are trying than being bullied by a bigot. There's still way to many of those around.

I don't present in feminine clothes often but when I have a couple of times the checkout lady at a Walmart made an effort to start up a conversation with me. I didn't mind that at all. In fact women seem to notice my small changes and act friendly very often. That I don't mind at all. Guys are starting to look at me a little different. A guy in Walmart the other day while I was looking for training wheels with my daughter, I'd swear had an open mouth stare going on at me. Guy looked again as we came to the end of the isle we were on and he was on the other side of the bike rack looking at other sporting goods. As much as I'm anxious about public encounters, I figured I must be more fem than masculine than I thought right. Lol

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on May 08, 2017, 05:34:40 PM
and why would that bother you? This thread was about if it bothers you when people are overly nice. Obviously when men are overly nice it's because they are flirting. Woman being nice is complete different which is what we was talking about, you don't need to let people know you get hit on, because I'm sure we all have so it's not like it's a big tadoo.

Jeez girl, I was just sharing my experience. Are you, like, offended by it? You don't get to control what I say and don't. It's ny experience that many men are overly nice in a paternalistic way which is often condescending. Can be even worse if you realize what their intentions are. Regardless, people don't always have the best intentions and that's what I was trying to get at.  It's not a big tadoo but it sure feels different to me, especially because most men treated me like dirt before transition as I was so feminine. I have the right to voice my opinion without having you controlling it.

Not really. I'd much rather a nice person than the idiots. I noticed ppl would be overly nice at the beginning of my transition and i appreciated it, now ppl just act 'normally' when i enter shops and stuff. I've noticed that in interactions with others the rude comments usually came from a cis girl or a gay guy, hardly ever if ever from a straight guy. Like someone else said people probs see the comments and bigotry online directed at us and prob try to make us feel comfortable through being overly nice but you sure can tell when certain  ppl do it just to be shady.

QuoteNice avatar, Robyn.  

Quote from: RobynD on May 08, 2017, 12:30:17 PM
Thank you Ainsley 

I agree. You're a total cutie!  Always so serious... who knew?  lol

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on May 08, 2017, 05:34:40 PM
and why would that bother you? This thread was about if it bothers you when people are overly nice. Obviously when men are overly nice it's because they are flirting. Woman being nice is complete different which is what we was talking about, you don't need to let people know you get hit on, because I'm sure we all have so it's not like it's a big tadoo.

Honey are you ok? Seems like you got defensive for no reason. I don't see anything wrong with her post nor do I think she was "bragging" about getting hit on. Calm down.

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on May 09, 2017, 10:21:10 AM
Honey are you ok? Seems like you got defensive for no reason. I don't see anything wrong with her post nor do I think she was "bragging" about getting hit on. Calm down.

i just don't like people who gloat about things.it came off to me like she was saying "men are overly nice to me because I'm cute, not once did she mention a woman despite everyone else only talking about women. Obviously when men are overly nice they like you anyone should know that so she had no reason bringing that up. I mean women are overly nice for different reasons which is why everyone was talking about women and not men.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on May 08, 2017, 09:47:21 AM
I've only noticed that with black women and I always look ok at them like they are stupid because ik why they are doing it. White women can be overly nice whether they clock you or not. I work in retail as a cashier and I'm overly nice to people who are Cis gender, just means I'm in really good mood.

No, it doesn't bother me. The above is hideous story, pulling in two strands of what I most hate - racial profiling and rudeness.

Quote from: alex82 on May 09, 2017, 12:31:52 PM
No, it doesn't bother me. The above is hideous story, pulling in two strands of what I most hate - racial profiling and rudeness.

its not racist if that's what I've experienced.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on May 09, 2017, 12:21:16 PM
i just don't like people who gloat about things.

Darling I'm pretty sure I can show you posts of yours that could be read that way. We shouldn't be judging so harshly especially when you might be losing context of whatever she was trying to say since it's the internet and also, as I said, I didn't see it that way which means it was just your perception. Don't need to get all aggressive. Much love.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on May 09, 2017, 12:38:01 PM
its not racist if that's what I've experienced.

I didn't call it racism. It said it was racial profiling - which it is, beyond all doubt.

If you care to see the intersectional pressures on black women, and still don't care, then yes that is racism. Otherwise it's just dangerous ignorance, coupled with bad customer service and shot through with hostile arrogance and white privilege.

Members of a hugely marginalized group with multiple and generational socio-economic pressures (particularly in your part of the Deep South), regularly go out of their way to be friendly and inclusive towards you, and you gloat that when they do so, you look at them like they are 'stupid'. That is shameful.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on May 09, 2017, 12:21:16 PM
i just don't like people who gloat about things.it came off to me like she was saying "men are overly nice to me because I'm cute, not once did she mention a woman despite everyone else only talking about women. Obviously when men are overly nice they like you anyone should know that so she had no reason bringing that up. I mean women are overly nice for different reasons which is why everyone was talking about women and not men.

First off, there is a huge difference between bragging about something happening to you and telling how something makes you feel, which is what I was doing. Second, you are putting words in my mouth I never even included in my post. I never even implied I was cute. I just said how men being overly nice to me made me feel and then spoke about people being paternalistic. Third, men can be overly nice for various reasons and one of them can be sexual advances but it's not the only, which I too implied. Fourth, I am free to bring men up in a discussion that talks about "people being too nice". There was nowhere stated that this was a topic exclusively about women, lol. Fifth,if you feel so bothered to mix men and women together, start up a different thread where you say it's just to talk about women or men. There, problem solved.

I think I sprained my eyeballs rolling them at the last several posts.

Quote from: ainsley on May 09, 2017, 02:07:59 PM
I think I sprained my eyeballs rolling them at the last several posts.

LOL agreed, OMG, girls please everyone take a deep breath.  I thought when I posted this it might be controversial and stir up discussion.  However, I never thought it would be controversy over racial profiling and gloating/vanity.

Doesn't bother me at all. It's what the world needs now. People in the service industry and in government institutions are not paid to act human anyway, they're paid to act like a system of efficiency. So what one is speaking to, is basically a character and a persona they put on for the business interaction.