I am working a month and a half now at my new job and I have had bad feelings about my boss.I am working from home 4 days of the week and working at my boss's place the other day. I think he may be into me and this is a bad thing. There is already signs that is disturbing to me. I am the only one of all his employees that has to come in once a week to his office that is his house. He always locks the doors and when his wife is gone he would come and have long chats with me and sit on my desk. I don't know I know now how hard it is for woman in this world because I never was in a situation like this.

He is always trying to tell me stories to impress me. He brags about his money and his business and stuff. He also acts like a gate keeper between me and other employees. I am not allowed to talk directly to the other employees all and every source of communication goes through him. He then carries the message over to them.

He pursued me to employ me. He insists that I come in once a week and work from his place where other workers don't have too. He is very very friendly towards me almost to the point where it is ridiculous. The other thing is he has that creepy factor I normally trust my gut feeling and my gut tells me this guy is bad news. I told him the other day his house is very cold and I am comfortable at my house because it is warm there and I could sit in front of my heater. I tried to make an excuse to let him work from my home and he went and bought a heater for me for his place.

The problem is he has no one that can protect me from him he holds the keys. So these people normally feel some sort of entitlement.

Creepy indeed, Amoré... This is dangerously close to harassment. Even if you manage to have a honest conversation about this and make explicit that you're not interested, I suppose the creepiness will remain... I never gave serious thought to this possibility (of some guy being interested in me when I'm mostly done with transitioning - it would be a little flattering but mostly disgusting, especially since I'm really not into guys), but it has crossed my mind and you're right... Women do have to endure some pretty messed up people... If I was in your shoes, I would give serious consideration to starting sending some resumés. Best of luck, dear. If nothing else, you have my emotional support!
Yours truly, Sarah

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

I have an interview for 12 today so hold thumbs. He is also in my business the whole time I was two days of work because of depression. Not that this is helping the situation. But he is taking too much interest in my personal life also. He wants to know everything about me. He talked to people that he apparently knows of a mental institution and tried to convince me to see them instead of my own psychologist this morning.

He also told me depression is a state of mind. We all know it is a chemical imbalance in the brain.

Quote from: Amoré on May 18, 2017, 02:15:55 AM
I have an interview for 12 today so hold thumbs. He is also in my business the whole time I was two days of work because of depression. Not that this is helping the situation. But he is taking too much interest in my personal life also. He wants to know everything about me. He talked to people that he apparently knows of a mental institution and tried to convince me to see them instead of my own psychologist this morning.

He also told me depression is a state of mind. We all know it is a chemical imbalance in the brain.

Run!... [emoji32]

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

Get out of there asap.

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk

Knock the job on the head Amore' he sounds like he will become big trouble.

I don't want to be without a job and without money. I can't really afford to be because I have expenses. The thing is I also don't want to risk getting in a situation that may potentially wreck my life. I am just starting to recover from past trauma. If something like this would happen it can send me down a big black hole

Is legal to possess pepper spray in your country? It could be a pretty useful tool until you get a new job.

EDIT: Its clear this guy has an obvious interest in you, but given until now he hasn't made any physical advance and given he looks somehow polite I think you shouldn't worry too much. He bought a heater instead of forcing you to go there by threatening you (after all is your boss, its his company, and you are supposed to stick to the conditions, he can fire you, and press you with that).

Im not saying everything is rosy and all people is nice and caring, but I think most of the time people here gets way too paranoid. Having means to defend yourself (i.e pepper spray) is always highly recommended, but its mostly a "just in case" measure that probably you're never going to need.

Just my two cents.

Sit tight until you get a new job. I think you're handling things as well as you can right now.
  If he gets more aggressive in his approach, then I'd say to get out, but otherwise your current plan sounds good and I wouldn't change it.
  I've been in a similar situation in the past and really all you can do is wait it out. Everyone has to deal with varying levels of creep, you just ended up with one of the higher-level creeps.
  Best wishes,
  Clay.

This doesn't help you currently, but could be useful. Are you in a country with OSHA type standards? If you are working from his house, wouldn't free exit be required for safety reaaons?

--
"You do realize, this means you get to do character creation & the newbie zone all over again? "

I am not familiar with OSHA but it is a safety concern. He did not make a move yet but he is starting to creep a bit closer. I believe in friendliness and everything but there is limits. If a boss is showing too much interest in you personal life love life your mental health want to hook you up with psychologists he knows. Keeping communication with other co workers to himself is it not enough reason to be on alert.

Were it me, I would like to think that a solid boundary would be sufficient. If he is someone worth working for, he'll back off. If you are afraid it will trigger a bad response, then you already know it is a bad situation, and he is preying on your desperation to keep the job. Gtfo. In this case you are risking being beaten, raped or killed because money is tight. I would hope that you at least arrange someone who will come looking for you if you don't communicate regularly... This is not normal behavior, he is seeing what he can get away with. I would rather be seen as an alarmist than be victimized :/

--
"You do realize, this means you get to do character creation & the newbie zone all over again? "

Very creepy indeed. At some point, he would likely be breaking the law in your country and that would also open him up for the potential of being sued. Conversations that establish boundaries such as "your physical closeness to me and focus on my personal life is unwelcome" are advisable, although i know hard to do. If he retaliates in any way, then he creates further legal risk for himself.

Document things very well. Keep a journal of the unprofessional stuff. Record if you are able and it is legal in your country. All of those things are important for money and leverage should anything occur.

OMG.  I could not work under those conditions.  Agreed with Tommi that this dude could be dangerous, especially since he's locking you in his house.  Violence against women is real and violence against trans people is real.  Be very, very careful if you choose to continue working there.  Pepper spray is not a bad idea.  Neither is having something like this: http://appcomm.org/emergency-alert-button-sos/.  (I'm not endorsing that particular product--just suggesting you have some form of alert system.)  Agreed also with RobynD that you should keep a record of everything that happens.

This is not "flattering."  This is not "just being nice."  This guy is seriously weird.  I hope you find a new job quickly! 

Get a new job as fast as you can! This guy is dangerous. He has already violated your humen rights by locking the door, making escaping impossible. My warning bells are shouting sky high!

That is NOT normal behavior. Not even friendly behavior. My dad used to break down you mentally to gain control over your life. Sounds to me he wants control over your life. Playing all nice and helpful but locking you up, isolating you and forcing you to do things you don't agree with are very serious things. Your own alarm bells should ring frenetically.

Small Business Consultant here.  I've noticed that entrepreneurs tend to be control freaks, tend to be very casual, tend to be caught in our own worlds, and have big egos by necessity.  These are traits which lead to someone deciding that they should be running their own business and not working for someone else.  Unless he's outright hitting on you, it's entirely possible that he's keeping you isolated because he's a micromanager, he's chatting you up because he's getting distracted by your company and just wants to be friends, he's not realizing it because he's not thinking about it, and he's bragging because he has a psychological need for approval.  It's also entirely possible that he hired you as "eye candy", because he has some buzz from having pretty women work for him, but isn't going to cheat on his wife, especially not in a way which would put him in jail, which trying to force himself on an employee would out him very quickly.  That's not necessarily a good thing either, but it's not a dangerous situation for you.

You should have him clarify what's going on from his perspective, and make firmly clear you are not interested and why, without using excuses or trying to beat around the bush: the sooner you cut off a potential unwanted advance, the less traction it gets.  I would tell you though that you should not assume that this is an advance, especially if he's married and hired you as an employee.

Quote from: Wednesday on May 18, 2017, 04:16:45 AM
Is legal to possess pepper spray in your country? It could be a pretty useful tool until you get a new job.

This is terrible advice.  Do not pepper spray your boss.  If you are scared enough to bring a weapon to his house then you are either already overreacting or are in a situation where it wouldn't help, in which case you should quit.

Quote from: PrincessCrystal on May 21, 2017, 07:54:23 PM
This is terrible advice.  Do not pepper spray your boss.  If you are scared enough to bring a weapon to his house then you are either already overreacting or are in a situation where it wouldn't help, in which case you should quit.

LOOOL. Im not advicing her to go straight spray him loool. Mostly I agree with what you have pointed out. But, if legal, having such a device at hand could help many people to feel a little safer, plus it may help a lot in a dangerous situation. I met plenty of women who usually carry one of those in their purse wherever they go.

Another thing, if you're really worried, you should explain it in writing to a third party what exactly you are afraid of and why as soon as possible, as it would be legally admissible in court.  After that though, you should really just ask him what his intentions are and tell him you are perceiving them as sexual advances.  Talk it out.  It's probably just a misunderstanding.

Here's a question you haven't answered for me: at any time, has he mentioned sex to you, and what are the kind if things he says in that regard?

Quote from: Wednesday on May 21, 2017, 08:06:26 PM
LOOOL. Im not advicing her to go straight spray him loool. Mostly I agree with what you have pointed out. But, if legal, having such a device at hand could help many people to feel a little safer, plus it may help a lot in a dangerous situation. I met plenty of women who usually carry one of those in their purse wherever they go.

Having a weapon makes you quicker to react by escalating, which can backfire, because pepper spraying ​is battery.

Quote from: PrincessCrystal on May 21, 2017, 11:05:22 PM
Having a weapon makes you quicker to react by escalating, which can backfire, because pepper spraying ​is battery.

Its a point. Anyway I was pointing the idea from a sense of self security, and never promoting gratuitous escalating.

Support him to officials like the Police, or get a court order saying that he can't come within a certain number of feet of you or having an order saying that he can't come to your house.

I know if you and your boss works together in the same building, you will eventually bump into each other. You can also report him so that the police can file an harrestment against him. But I do know what I say isn't the best thing for you because I'm not in your shoes. Try to figure out what's best for you, And go from there.

Getting a new job would be best.
Safety is still an important factor to account for.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk