hey clueless,

I've been following your post but I never answered hehe.  So I figured I'll put in my two cents to see if it means anything hehe.  Most of it has been answered so far in regards to how to treat your son and with pronouns and stuff.  I forgot if you said how old he is, but like, the biggest stressor when I came out to my parents was that embarrassment.  They tended to accept it after some thinking and like talking to me (very awkward stage), but like I just wanted to crawl back in that little closet from how awkward things tended to get.  There is probably nothing wrong with you, and you just have to wait for your son a little bit to adapt and feel more comfortable.  I know you said you had lunch with him, so that was probably a nice thing for the two of you

You seem like an awesome parent to actually come and try to find support on some forum though for sure.  It takes a ton of courage to just do something so small like this hehe.  I'm sure your son will turn out perfect with all the support you can give him when he struggles.   Also, I don't know if your son is like me, but I won't tell my parents anything unless they ask and I'm in that "mood" to talk you know?  So might also be something worth looking into, although I don't really know anything about your son hehe.  Well take care and keep being an awesome parent

Sorry clueless,

On this one point you are incorrect.

QuoteEVERY PARENT wants their child to be happy.

I guess every parent says that but many are more invested in their own view of what 'happiness' is than in what the child thinks will make him/her/other happy. Many parents do not hesitate to insist that their children should do what the parent 'thinks' is right. And keep on insisting long into the child's adulthood.

I think it is a testimony to you that you think all parents are much like yourself. And would do the right thing if they knew what it was. I don't. Mine weren't. And I didn't even have any major issues.

I have enjoyed this thread a lot. After reading what so many people go through with their parents this has been a breath of fresh air.

Quote from: cluelessparent on February 11, 2008, 10:19:26 AM

Hello Maebh,
Thanks very much for responding.

You make a good point and my daughter is actually the one who struggled with this.(or likely is still struggling)
She is unhappy about losing a sister and your message rings true with the way that she is feeling.

As far my wife and myself - this hasn't been much of an issue.  It's actually rather easy to accept that 'she' is gone because 'she' was very unhappy while 'he' seems much more at peace & confident with his new life.

I can honestly say that I went from shock & disbelief to understanding & acceptance in about 90 minutes.
After I recovered enuff to start breathing again, well all of the pieces seemed to fall into place rather quickly.

But your words do ring true for my daughter, who is still missing her sister.  I suppose that I should address this fairly soon.

Thanks for the advice and also for the good words.
They're appreciated.

Clueless

Thank you, saraswatidevi & y2gender
Wishing you well.......

Dear more clued-in than you think,

You are so perceptive and concerned about your children. And also so loving too, if only there were more parents and people like you around...

90 minutes! Whoa, the power of unconditional love! I'm sure his sister will get all the support she needs from you and your wife. Who knows she might even look forward to building a happy new relationship with her new found brother. Specially when he'll fix her car with you.
Anyway she can always console herself in the knowledge that she is now Daddy's unique little princess.

Go dté sibh slan Safe journey to all.

With plenty of Love, Light, Laughter and Respect.

Maebh.

I just got a birthday card from my parents.  Just so we're clear, I'm MtoF. On the envelope is my old male name. The card says "Son- Now that you've reached a certain age, ...".  It doesn't say Daughter it says Son.  I hate them 

Quote from: cluelessparent on February 10, 2008, 08:45:27 AM
Wow.
2 more thank you's - humble thank you's
I had feared when I first posted that I would possibly be run outta this town.
Especially when I wrote "I am a parent and completely straight" I could just hear the booing in the background as you folks read!
I am pleased that I was wrong, even tho I suspect that many replies have been for the benefit of my son as much as for me.
And I'm okay with that.

Andrew: ya know, I just keep hearing the same darn song: We parents are just not getting the message.  I don't know what that is a shortcoming of; is it our own ability to open our minds, your failure to express yourselves, fear of our own friends' reactions?  I refuse to believe that the majority just do not care.

Andrew: if you are interested, I would like to try and help some.  If you like, I will send you a PM with the intention that you would show it to your dad. I will talk to him, hombre to hombre, and I will try to make him understand something - just one parent speaking to another. I'll write it, you decide if it's worthy.

You decide, and let me know.  I am going hiking in a few mins and I'll work on what I want to say to your dad while in the woods.
No hard feelings if there is no interest on your part.

You may ask why I would attempt this. The answer is easy: I am going to do my part in my own little corner of the world to raise awareness, to make people understand, to improve the life of my own son.  He's part of your world now, you are his friends.
And I want his world to be a good one.


Off to play in the mountains now, wooHOO !!!

Clueless

Sorry so late in replying - I've been away from the forums - anyway, I'm not sure if now'd be a good time to show something like this to my dad. He's a little fragile lately, his pet just died, and it might be a little too much. Maybe if you write it now and I can show it to him during spring break if I think he's ready.

Anyway, thanks so, so much. It means a lot to me that you'd do something like that for me. Thanks.

Quote from: TreeFlower on February 12, 2008, 01:26:59 PM

I just got a birthday card from my parents.  Just so we're clear, I'm MtoF. On the envelope is my old male name. The card says "Son- Now that you've reached a certain age, ...".  It doesn't say Daughter it says Son.  I hate them 

I'm sorry to hear that.
Be sure to tell them how hurtful that is to you.  Remind 'em that they're supposed to be in your corner, no matter what.

Andrew, I will get that to you

Thanks everyone.

Clueless


Posted on: February 12, 2008, 07:58:17 PM

---

Andrew, I sent that message for your dad. Decide for yourself if it has any value.
Check your Messages, pls
Good luck!

Clueless

Thanks much.

Hi TreeFlower,

QuoteThe card says "Son- Now that you've reached a certain age, ...".

Looks like you really have the cluelessparent. I know this is very painful for you but I can't help laughing. Is this guy (your father) on another planet?

I hope you had a wonderful birthday in spite of it all.