He said if a guy goes out with/ sleeps with a transgender they are either gay,bi,or experimenting. I couldn't say anything because he would have beat me up if I would tell him off, buy it seriously hurt my feelings because he has been saying for years that he was supportive and today showed he wasn't, my dad even agreed with him when he said that.

sorry about that but you look female and to me if a guy sees a female than it is not gay or bi or experimenting. to me it would be straight as man and woman. BTW you look great sorry had to say it.

Hi Angelique,

  I have to agree with you, What he said was hurtful and mean and by no means truthful. What he said is his own opinion and/or was said to be hurtful in my opinion.

  Sorry you had to be treated like that by family.

Hugs,
   Laurie

As far as ik the guys I've been with were straight, I'm sure some were bi and I just didn't know because I never asked, but there are a lot who ik 100% were straight and it's so hurtful that they would act like that their opinion means something because it doesn't because they don't know all the guys I've dated and they don't know how they think so they can't make that assumption.

They also said "it dosnt matter how female you look that if you have a swinging ****, who ever sleeps with you or dated you is gay, bi, or experimenting."

I agree with everyone else in that they were trying to be hurtful.  Your brother said something that he knew was a sensitive subject for you and your dad joined in when he sensed you were vulnerable.  I'm sorry as I can imagine how hurtful that would feel.

I think that any guy who would be interested in you notices your feminine features first.  The rest depends on how confident and secure that guy is with his own masculinity.

Im sorry that happened.  I had someone say that to me once and it is hurtful. But it isn't true at all. My ex was CIS. He was not gay or bi sexual. My current boyfriend is FtM. He isn't gay either.  I have had gay male friends and they wouldn't ever have been interested in me sexually.  No gay guy wants someone who looks, acts and feels female. As for experimenting,  I was with my ex for 2 years and I have been with Lucas since 2013. That is some long experimenting in both cases.

No offense but your brother sounds like a jackass.

Hugs.

As others said, your dad and brother are just wrong.

But they don't just understand, or maybe they are just insecure.

Have met plenty of straight guys that at some time said those things and then they slept with transgirls. I no longer care for what people say in some respects, not worth caring.

Quote from: Wednesday on May 26, 2017, 08:11:36 PM
As others said, your dad and brother are just wrong.

But they don't just understand, or maybe they are just insecure.

Have met plenty of straight guys that at some time said those things and then they slept with transgirls. I no longer care for what people say in some respects, not worth caring.

ive been rejected by many straight guys who hit on me at bars after I told them I was trans, like one of y'all said, it just depends on how comfortable they are with their masculinity, some guys just can never go there because they can't look past the penis part, people need to realize that some straight guys try to be open minded about it and give us a chance.

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on May 26, 2017, 08:15:47 PM
ive been rejected by many straight guys who hit on me at bars after I told them I was trans, like one of y'all said, it just depends on how comfortable they are with their masculinity, some guys just can never go there because they can't look past the penis part, people need to realize that some straight guys try to be open minded about it and give us a chance.

Yep, there are plenty that reject you in no time when you tell whether you're post-op or pre-op. Also I think it just has to do with their security on self masculinity.

So he can sit there with his small uneducated mind and you aren't able to repsond bcz he may get violent? Of course we know he is wrong like it's 2017 and ppl are still refusing to educate themselves. Did you get up and leave the room or area when they made these comments? By them saying that a man who dates trans women is gay bi or experimenting falsly assumes that trans women are men. Hateful rhetoric used to make you feel invalid. Im sorry you had to go through this but you will have to say something sooner or later because while ever they know they can get away with it they will continue with the bs or maybe your mum could say something i dunno. Why was this convo happening?

Quote from: bubbles21 on May 26, 2017, 08:32:07 PM
So he can sit there with his small uneducated mind and you aren't able to repsond bcz he may get violent? Of course we know he is wrong like it's 2017 and ppl are still refusing to educate themselves. Did you get up and leave the room or area when they made these comments? By them saying that a man who dates trans women is gay bi or experimenting falsly assumes that trans women are men. Hateful rhetoric used to make you feel invalid. Im sorry you had to go through this but you will have to say something sooner or later because while ever they know they can get away with it they will continue with the bs or maybe your mum could say something i dunno. Why was this convo happening?

my dad randomly brought it up to my brother and told him that I'm wanting a guy to take care of me and it just escalated from there.

It sounds like your brother has expressed that he wants to be supportive, but he totally failed tonight. Maybe you can talk to him about how he failed to support you at a later time, perhaps on the phone when it can't turn physical? I'm so sorry that you had to deal with those comments. Big hugs!

Wow that's messed up. It also isn't true. My gf is MtF like you but I'm not gay. What your bro said is stupid. Sure some dudes would reject a transgirl but there are plenty who wouldn't. A couple months ago my friends were talking about dating a transgirl. It got started cause a transgirl had started working at Starbucks and they were talking about her. So one dude asked everyone if they would go out with a transgirl. Two said no way. One said he would if she had had the surgery. One guy said he would date a transgirl even if she hadn't had surgery.  He said if she was really pretty and feminine he could get past the guy parts as long as she would be cool with him never touching or playing with them. That dude was as far from being gay as you can get. Some guys act like a douche towards transwomen but there are also guys out there who can get past it. You say your bro is supportive but that was a mean ass thing to say. Might wanna try doing without his "support".
Lucas

Quote from: Transdude on May 27, 2017, 08:09:43 AM
Wow that's messed up. It also isn't true. My gf is MtF like you but I'm not gay. What your bro said is stupid. Sure some dudes would reject a transgirl but there are plenty who wouldn't. A couple months ago my friends were talking about dating a transgirl. It got started cause a transgirl had started working at Starbucks and they were talking about her. So one dude asked everyone if they would go out with a transgirl. Two said no way. One said he would if she had had the surgery. One guy said he would date a transgirl even if she hadn't had surgery.  He said if she was really pretty and feminine he could get past the guy parts as long as she would be cool with him never touching or playing with them. That dude was as far from being gay as you can get. Some guys act like a douche towards transwomen but there are also guys out there who can get past it. You say your bro is supportive but that was a mean ass thing to say. Might wanna try doing without his "support".
Lucas

I've had guys who met me at bars or work ask me out (granted they didn't know I was trans until after talking and texting on the phone for a few days) and after a few dates they told me that they asked their friends if they would date a trans girls and each one of them said no that it doesn't matter if she had the surgery that it's gay, I guess where you live does matter. One guy I did meet in person turned out his friend was my friend on Facebook and his friend showed him my picture asking him if he would date me even though I'm trans and he said yea, ironically we ended up meeting at work a year later and after our first date was when he told me that story, lol.

I also think a lot of guys have misconceptions about transwomen. A lot of dudes who say dating a transgirl is gay haven't ever met one in person.  That they knew was trans anyway.  Most of the transwomen people have seen in movies or TV have been played by guys in drag. They look like what they are. Dudes in women's clothes. And you have some transgirls who talk and act like gay men. YouTube is full of those. So guys get really confused about the whole thing.  I didn't really understand mtfs that well myself until I started dating one. Im not saying you should deceive anyone but you might let a guy get to know you a little before you tell him you're trans. Let him get to know you as a person and a woman a little bit.
Lucas

Quote from: Transdude on May 27, 2017, 09:17:05 AM
I also think a lot of guys have misconceptions about transwomen. A lot of dudes who say dating a transgirl is gay haven't ever met one in person.  That they knew was trans anyway.  Most of the transwomen people have seen in movies or TV have been played by guys in drag. They look like what they are. Dudes in women's clothes. And you have some transgirls who talk and act like gay men. YouTube is full of those. So guys get really confused about the whole thing.  I didn't really understand mtfs that well myself until I started dating one. Im not saying you should deceive anyone but you might let a guy get to know you a little before you tell him you're trans. Let him get to know you as a person and a woman a little bit.
Lucas

wouldnt that work against me though? I mean I've met guys who tried to stay open minded and told me if I hadn't told them they wouldn't have been interested, I've also met guys who said they would rather me not have told them, but those guys usually just want head or sex, the ones who said they were glad I told them from the get go were all guys who wanted to date me and actually did.

If telling them up front has worked for you then go with it. I thought guys were rejecting you when you told them.

Quote from: Transdude on May 27, 2017, 09:42:20 AM
If telling them up front has worked for you then go with it. I thought guys were rejecting you when you told them.

only some, but they told me they wouldn't have been interested even if I hadn't told them for awhile, they did tell me that if I hadn't told them they would have gotten even more pissed about it. I waited to tell one guy who Tried to get my number for 3 months, but every time he came to Home Depot he missed me by so many mins so he ended up just giving his card to the head cashier to give to me and when the head cashier gave it to me, me and the guy talked for 5 days 2 hours each phone call and then the day we was supposed to go out I told him and he said that was a first and that he was ok with it, but then stood me up and I never heard from him since.

It was very wrong of them to hurt you like that. However they were right in some ways. Its extremely rare for guys that are actually totally straight to be with pre-op tgirls. Some exceptions apply if the tgirl is extremely passable where no one would ever know, is hyperfeminine and if the guy falls for her without knowing and later finds out but too late since he is already emotionally involved.

The only time I see totally straight guys with tgirls is when she is postop and either he is open minded from the get go or she first makes him fall for her and then later reveals.

Quote from: Riya88 on May 27, 2017, 01:28:37 PM
It was very wrong of them to hurt you like that. However they were right in some ways. Its extremely rare for guys that are actually totally straight to be with pre-op tgirls. Some exceptions apply if the tgirl is extremely passable where no one would ever know, is hyperfeminine and if the guy falls for her without knowing and later finds out but too late since he is already emotionally involved.

The only time I see totally straight guys with tgirls is when she is postop and either he is open minded from the get go or she first makes him fall for her and then later reveals.

so then the guys who ive dated  are straight since they never knew when they asked me out.

Edit: I just asked my most recent ex and he told me that if I didn't look female and wasn't pretty he wouldn't have took me out after I told him and I asked him why and he said because he's not gay. Granted I told him 4 hours after he asked for my number.