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MY Brother just told me something that I found very hurtful. (Venting)

Started by Angélique LaCava, May 26, 2017, 06:44:17 PM

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Rachel_Christina

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on May 31, 2017, 09:54:12 AM
As long as he's respectful and likes me for me, and doesn't see me like some sort of toy to experiment with, I'm fine.

That would be a fine situation. I can maybe get the idea that some like the idea of the struggle we maybe been through, see us as strong women or something for being able to deal with it, but other than that I can't see why anyone would deliberately seek out a trans woman. Other than the usual reason they do.
I mean in the end of the day we want to be seen as women, for me I could not deal with the fact that someone seaked me out for this reason.
If they seaked a woman, and found me, then realised I was trans but didn't care because they really liked me that is totally different. That is a nice situation. And fair play to any man who does do that for one of us.
That's just my view, I do not hate ->-bleeped-<- again, I would just not be interested in someone who came after me just because of that fact.

Anyway a better question is what do y'all think the ->-bleeped-<- is chasing anyway, generally seaking?


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Cimara

As for myself if I knew a guy had a keen interest in my boy parts then that would be a turn off. But that is just me. Its one thing if a guy can get past the fact you have it. But to know he was specifically seeking it would bother me. As for a guy playing with my boy parts, with the boyfriends I have had that was never high on their agenda. That usually came later after we had been together for a bit. And it was more about them wanting to get me off as well than it was about them having a huge desire to mess with boy parts. After I told a guy I was trans there were 3 questions that always put me off of them if they asked.

1. How big is your dick?
2. Are you functional?
3. Do you top?
Also if they referred to it as dick or cock that put me off.

This is just me and my feelings about this topic. I am not saying what anyone else does or likes is wrong.
Born 1989
Transitioned 2001
Began hrt 2001
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Angélique LaCava

Quote from: Cimara on May 31, 2017, 11:41:50 AM
As for myself if I knew a guy had a keen interest in my boy parts then that would be a turn off. But that is just me. Its one thing if a guy can get past the fact you have it. But to know he was specifically seeking it would bother me. As for a guy playing with my boy parts, with the boyfriends I have had that was never high on their agenda. That usually came later after we had been together for a bit. And it was more about them wanting to get me off as well than it was about them having a huge desire to mess with boy parts. After I told a guy I was trans there were 3 questions that always put me off of them if they asked.

1. How big is your dick?
2. Are you functional?
3. Do you top?
Also if they referred to it as dick or cock that put me off.

This is just me and my feelings about this topic. I am not saying what anyone else does or likes is wrong.
i agree. Also if they ask for proof, that's just to get a pic of your dick for their own pleasure.
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Riya88

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on May 30, 2017, 05:06:21 PM
It's also a term that people sometimes use to project their own self loathing onto someone that they deem flawed enough to love them.

Unbelievable.

Girls,

There is nothing good about ->-bleeped-<-s. Cant believe there are people here who support them here.

Couldn't agree anymore with Rachel_Christina
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Devlyn

I support all people. There's no room for hate in this world.

Hugs, Devlyn
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Riya88

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on May 31, 2017, 03:46:59 PM
I support all people. There's no room for hate in this world.

Hugs, Devlyn

You are missing the point. No one is hating them, but one also needs to be cautious of things that are not good for them. That's not hating, that's looking out for our own self.
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Aurorasky

The point that's missing here I think is simple. What really differentiates a trans woman from just any woman? I mean, people talked about distinct preferences: Asian, Black, etc. Sure, it's one thing to prefer or be attracted to certain kinds of people but that doesn't mean you'll seek them out specifically.

Just because I am trans doesn't mean I see myself differently from any other woman, except for reproductive ability and a medical past. When a man says he prefers a trans woman to another woman, he's telling in your face that he sees you differently from other women. That can be flattering to some, but doesn't mean it has to be the same way to everyone.

Also, it's one thing for a person to have fetish for you vs. being attached to you, loving you. The first is fine if you are just looking for little flings, but it can get old fast. But the guys we are talking about are often disrespectful and only want you in the dark. We are not talking about guys who fall in love with a woman who happens to be trans. We talking about guys who take advantage of a medical condition and the neediness many ts girls and women feel. That's not flattering at all.
Love,

Aurora Beatriz da Fonseca
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Riya88

Quote from: Aurorasky on May 31, 2017, 04:23:20 PM
The point that's missing here I think is simple. What really differentiates a trans woman from just any woman? I mean, people talked about distinct preferences: Asian, Black, etc. Sure, it's one thing to prefer or be attracted to certain kinds of people but that doesn't mean you'll seek them out specifically.

Just because I am trans doesn't mean I see myself differently from any other woman, except for reproductive ability and a medical past. When a man says he prefers a trans woman to another woman, he's telling in your face that he sees you differently from other women. That can be flattering to some, but doesn't mean it has to be the same way to everyone.

Also, it's one thing for a person to have fetish for you vs. being attached to you, loving you. The first is fine if you are just looking for little flings, but it can get old fast. But the guys we are talking about are often disrespectful and only want you in the dark. We are not talking about guys who fall in  loe with a woman who happens to be trans. We talking about guys who take advantage of a medical condition and the neediness many ts girls and women feel. That's not flattering at all.

Very well explained. Totally agree with you.
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Jennifer RachaelAnn

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on May 30, 2017, 10:20:55 AM
I really don't think getting physical over some petty comment is the best advice. You can't really fight ignorance, is best to ignore it and move on, it's not worth it.

True, but when it comes to self preservation, sometimes you have to do things you don't like. It's about self defense, not aggression. As Angelique said, he would have attacked her if she said anything. Is she supposed to just lay back and let him do what he wanted, or was she to defend herself? If she doesn't have the physical strength to overpower her brother, then what's left? And what's better? Being able to walk away from the situation afterward or a trip to the ER?
"There are many who would take my time. I shun them.
There are some who share my time. I am entertained by them.
There are precious few who contribute to my time. I cherish them."


-Anton Szandor LaVey



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staciM

Quote from: Jennifer RachaelAnn on May 31, 2017, 07:50:03 PM
True, but when it comes to self preservation, sometimes you have to do things you don't like. It's about self defense, not aggression. As Angelique said, he would have attacked her if she said anything. Is she supposed to just lay back and let him do what he wanted, or was she to defend herself? If she doesn't have the physical strength to overpower her brother, then what's left? And what's better? Being able to walk away from the situation afterward or a trip to the ER?

I believe what she was condoning was not saying anything that would result in a physical confrontation in the first place.  If Angelique believed that saying something would cause her brother to react, then not saying anything and being passive is the best course of action to avoid an altercation.  Self defense is completely different.  Unfortunately in this case, she felt that verbally sticking up for herself would be "instigating".  The safest approach is to bite your tongue and walk away....which I agree with as I'm also not looking to be forced into physically defending myself if it can be avoided...no matter how hard it hurts my feelings.  If the other party makes it physical and it can't be avoided....then defending yourself is the last and only remaining option.
- Staci -
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Charlie Nicki

Quote from: Aurorasky on May 31, 2017, 04:23:20 PM

Just because I am trans doesn't mean I see myself differently from any other woman, except for reproductive ability and a medical past. When a man says he prefers a trans woman to another woman, he's telling in your face that he sees you differently from other women. 

But we ARE different than cis women. The day we learn to not only accept it but actually embrace it we'll be happier and stop worrying about all these labels.

I just feel like it's better to focus on finding someone who can respect us regardless if they like pre-op or post-op. I have a hard time comprehending the concept of "I want someone to love me for me except these guys who look for someone exactly like me. No, I want a guy who is looking for something else but sees past it and accepts me".



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Latina :) I speak Spanish, English and a bit of Portuguese.
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Angélique LaCava

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on May 31, 2017, 09:05:19 PM
But we ARE different than cis women. The day we learn to not only accept it but actually embrace it we'll be happier and stop worrying about all these labels.

I just feel like it's better to focus on finding someone who can respect us regardless if they like pre-op or post-op. I have a hard time comprehending the concept of "I want someone to love me for me except these guys who look for someone exactly like me. No, I want a guy who is looking for something else but sees past it and accepts me".



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
we might be different, but I wouldn't want a guy to treat me any different than he would treat a Cis female.  I wouldn't want a guy who is attracted to me as a transgender. I dated a guy who was that way and all he did was compare me to his ex transgenders (who were legit porn stars) telling me I needed to get all the plastic surgery they got, such as breasts,hips,and thigh implants. Yea no thanks, I'm not going to date a ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s because they won't see me as just a woman and a lot of them have sick expectations on what a transgender should look like and what we should do in bed. He actually wanted me to screw him in the butt and got mad when I said no.
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bubbles21

I agree with Angelique men who expect us to get all of these surgical procedures aren't interested in us they want a pornstar lookalike to fulfil their fetish. Dating someone like this is only going to lead to them constantly criticizing you and wanting you to change and get more surgery. Eventually it will break you down and have you feeling worthless. hips and thigh implants? i know they do that in mexico but didn't think it was that poopular hey. I know girls go and get silicone and that is in my opinion a huge no no and only temporary until it turns rock hard and then you want to get it removed. The audacity of some men...
Blossoming with my Happy Pills :)
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Charlie Nicki

Quote from: Angélique LaCava on May 31, 2017, 09:21:45 PM
we might be different, but I wouldn't want a guy to treat me any different than he would treat a Cis female.  I wouldn't want a guy who is attracted to me as a transgender. I dated a guy who was that way and all he did was compare me to his ex transgenders (who were legit porn stars) telling me I needed to get all the plastic surgery they got, such as breasts,hips,and thigh implants. Yea no thanks, I'm not going to date a ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s because they won't see me as just a woman and a lot of them have sick expectations on what a transgender should look like and what we should do in bed. He actually wanted me to screw him in the butt and got mad when I said no.

That guy sounds like a piece of trash, good riddance. But I have to point out that there are guys in relationships with cisgender girls who also expect them to change their looks and even personality to appeal their fantasies, so this is not a trait of "->-bleeped-<-s" is a trait of (insert expletive word).


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Latina :) I speak Spanish, English and a bit of Portuguese.
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Jennifer RachaelAnn

I used to know a guy that was so domineering he eventually ended up getting run out of town. Literally. He would hook up with a woman, and right away he would make demands about her appearance. If she was brunette or redhead, he would try to force her to dye her hair blonde or wear a wig. If she was small chested, he would try to force her to get a boob job, and even afterward wear only pushup bras. He would try to control her makeup. She would get her makeup done and if he didn't approve, he would make her return to the bathroom, clean every tiny scrap of makeup off and start over. He gained a reputation for being above and beyond abusive in many different ways around town and eventually no girl/woman whatever would even give him the time of day. He was the sickest man I can think of that I've ever had the misfortune of knowing. I heard in a roundabout way, that he got so (I don't know what word. Sick, depressed, angry, whatever) that he ended up killing himself. He even left demands on his own funeral. A bastard to the end. Good riddance. The world has more than enough ->-bleeped-<-s, we don't need his tyranny.

But I would be willing to bet that the citizens of Hell like him fairly well.
"There are many who would take my time. I shun them.
There are some who share my time. I am entertained by them.
There are precious few who contribute to my time. I cherish them."


-Anton Szandor LaVey



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Genderschism

You are so pretty!


It is extremely hard for a guy to acknoledge that a guy who have a relationship or just sex with a transgerder doesn't have to be gay.
It has nothing to do with a homerotic experience. It's way different.

Maybe he will broaden his perspective. I hope.
Kael, present on various plateforms with the username GENDERSCHISM I try to educate people on non birary gender expression and transgederism. Actively blogging and vloging to share my experiences and feature the lives of gender queer and transgender people.
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