I got another unwanted lecture from my brother tonight. I was on the phone with my friend and we were talking about a guy we both know that's really hot. After I got off the phone Tyler asks what guy we were talking about now. I told him it was a really cute guy who works at Starbucks. He rolled his eyes and shook his head and he told me I was way to boy crazy and that I needed to stop and that I shouldn't be so promiscuous anymore. I asked what the hell he was talking about. He told me it was one thing to hookup with a lot of guys before but that I was a girl now. AND???  Then he told me if I get a reputation as a slut it would be hard for me to find a guy for a serious relationship. I reminded him that he banged any girl he could.  He said that it was totally different because he was a guy. Then he said he wouldn't want any of the girls he hooked up with as a serious girlfriend because they were easy. So I asked him why he had kicked Beth to the curb and he said because she was totally stingy with the P. So he wouldn't have a relationship with a girl who is "easy" but then dumps one cause she won't put out. WHAAAAAT! ! How does that make any sense??   If I hookup with a few guys I'm a slut but when he hooks up with a bunch of girls that's perfectly ok??  What?? I don't understand his thinking. He gives me a headache!

Welcome to what is better known as the "Double Standard". It has always been that way and it was even worst before the woman's liberation movement. I for one have somewhat old fashion standards and believe that both men and women should be celibate however I only impose that standard on myself and not on others.

You can be like most females, consider the source and just ignore him.

As a gender fluid person who used to move from one gender perspective to another, I know my female side thought men no better than apes. Just knee-jerk reactions, living for food, beer, and sex.

My male side thought women were beyond irrational and silly, not really worth listening to, people I needed to protect and take care of since they were like children.

Those attitudes were hard-wired, and separate in my brain..male traits on the right hemisphere of my brain, female traits on the left. When I started taking derris scandens, a local Thai herb, my two gender modes blended so I can now see both perspectives, and I can tell you right now, it's easier to ignore your brother, or to insult him back, toss your head, laugh, consider him a poor stupid male, and just move on, than to argue. It's not worth it.

Besides, as a female, you can control males. Just tell them what to do, make them feel like a hero and they'll knock themselves out for you. Ask me how I know.

Also, your brother is right. My male side was taken aback by sexually aggressive, pursuing females and I'd run for my life. My male side had to make the first move and do the courting, although most females know how to subtly encourage males. Just laugh at his jokes and glance at him, smile, and he's yours.

But acting sexually aggressive frightens my male side away. I suppose this is hard-wired to prevent males from choosing male-like females for spouses, who are less likely to be willing to take care of him and raise his progeny. Also, men talk to each other about their sexual conquests, so if many males are talking about a particular girl being "easy" that girl won't seem special when it comes to serious romance.

I read your other posts about your family specially your grandfather, father and brother

It's very expected and stereotype

I think you don't want a guy like your grandfather to be in relationship with
Believe me you don't want a guy who view girls in this manner

You want an open mind guy in the relationship and open mind guy won't treat you less because you hookups with guys before him or see you as easy

His words are true only if you want relationship with someone view women less than men

You're still young enjoy your time explore yourself believe me the right guy will appear in the right time

Don't worry about what your brother said because the type of guys your brother talking about
Are exactly the type of guys you don't want a serious relationship with them in the first place lol

If the guy don't see you as equal then next

I gave up trying to understand guy thought processes decades ago and now just fall back on "Guy's are Weird"

Similar dichotomy with women who sort of want a "nice guy" but will go for a "bad boy" anyway. Humans have a competing dual mating strategy - loyal partners are attractive to them, because obviously a non-loyal partner is a risk, but "easy" or "bad" partners also have their attractions, especially while someone is not in "reproducing" mode. Both strategies can equal reproductive results though, which is apparently why they've stuck around all this time.

Arguably it's more risky for a female generally to behave like a male with many partners, which is why society attempted to restrict their sexuality for their "protection" and to "guard" them and frown on female promiscuity - whether you agree with this or not, before the days of contraception, it would risk unwanted pregnancies without a father to contribute to raising a child (which in the times before welfare states would be a serious burden and risk) and the attitude has remained ingrained. At the same time men's sense of self worth is sometimes tied to sexual experience driving them to go have that experience, even though if they were considering serious fatherhood they wouldn't want an "easy" partner either. People don't tend to think deeply about why they feel the business of sex is so different for men and women, they just reiterate these ancient ideas.

It would all be simpler if human beings were a strictly monogamous species, or one in which the biological differences were not so pronounced. If women weren't compelled by biology to put so much investment into reproduction it might be a very different game.

I wouldnt want a slutty partner full stop.
I'm more disgusted by guys who sleep around butvtgats just persinal opinion

Quote from: Julia1996I got another unwanted lecture from my brother tonight.

In my opinion this is the root of the problem. They just like so much (and feel entitled) to lecture you if you're a girl. Even when you (like in this case) point out their contradictions, they just keep on blabbering and usually falling into more contradictions. Even my younger brother lectures me about almost everything whether he has enough experienced/knowlegde or not (which is often ridiculous).

Most of the time when this happens I just turn on elevator music in my mind and nod mechanically without paying a tiny bit of attention lol

Quote from: Julia1996So he wouldn't have a relationship with a girl who is "easy" but then dumps one cause she won't put out.

In fact this is nonsense. As I grew older I learned not to pay too much attention to what people say and to start paying more attention to what people actually do. In my experience, whether you looked like an "easy girl" or not has little to do with your desirability as a partner. Not needing to get an engagement ring to have sex with a boy shouldn't make you look less selective. Many guys just fall for girls who may look somewhat "boy crazy" or "easy" to most people. Many guys wouldn't put up with a girl who's not sexual fullfilling to them even if she's perfect in all the other departments.

 When I was living as a male, I found that the only girls interested in me were either those looking for drugs, and lesbians looking for a friend. Living as male didn't fool anyone, but that's beside the point. I learned I didn't want to be compared to certain young women, and so made sure I wasn't easy.

As for other women, if I like them, I offer advice to not be too promiscuous. Then, I let them make their own decisions, and live with the consequences.

Quote from: Lady Sarah on June 20, 2017, 09:36:24 PM
As for other women, if I like them, I offer advice to not be too promiscuous. Then, I let them make their own decisions, and live with the consequences.

I was promiscuous (or at least - wanted to be) and am proud of it. I didn't hope to catch me a Prince Charming, and if a guy isn't capable of understanding my ownership of my body and my right to have sex (as long as we are not in a committed relationship) - I don't want to have him.

Being financially independent and not needing his financial support. Being confident and successful and not needing him for a status (I know what I achieved and who I am and that is sufficiently enough for me). Having girlfriends and trans friends for emotional support. Freedom is not free, and not even cheap, but it has its merits

If I ever transition, I will do what I want and screw any guy I could maybe I'll go for poly-amorous relationships? Looks like the next hot thing on the horizon

Wow, the stereotypes are thick in here.. The judgements are also a little full on..

Quote from: Julia1996 on June 15, 2017, 08:04:46 PM
I got another unwanted lecture from my brother tonight. I was on the phone with my friend and we were talking about a guy we both know that's really hot. After I got off the phone Tyler asks what guy we were talking about now. I told him it was a really cute guy who works at Starbucks. He rolled his eyes and shook his head and he told me I was way to boy crazy and that I needed to stop and that I shouldn't be so promiscuous anymore. I asked what the hell he was talking about. He told me it was one thing to hookup with a lot of guys before but that I was a girl now. AND???  Then he told me if I get a reputation as a slut it would be hard for me to find a guy for a serious relationship. I reminded him that he banged any girl he could.  He said that it was totally different because he was a guy. Then he said he wouldn't want any of the girls he hooked up with as a serious girlfriend because they were easy. So I asked him why he had kicked Beth to the curb and he said because she was totally stingy with the P. So he wouldn't have a relationship with a girl who is "easy" but then dumps one cause she won't put out. WHAAAAAT! ! How does that make any sense??   If I hookup with a few guys I'm a slut but when he hooks up with a bunch of girls that's perfectly ok??  What?? I don't understand his thinking. He gives me a headache!

I was thinking about this the other day actually. It's just a double standard that has remained through time.
A man's son looses his virginity at 13...."GOOD JOB SON" but a female looses her at the same age and it's like "OMG....MY DAUGHTER'S A HOE. I'M GOING TO KILL THAT BOY FOR STEALING MY BABY'S INNOCENCE" ......I've thought about this A lot over the years and it's really unfair.

At the same time, while there is a double standard there and your brother should mind his own business about it, from how you've put it, I think it's coming from a place of love and he wants to protect you??? If that makes sense? While there's better ways to be there for people and look out for them, it might just be his way of showing he cares and doesn't want you to get hurt by a bunch of douche bags.

Just trying to see if from both sides of the spectrum here....But the double standard is bogus, either way.