I had such a horrible day today! One of my worst in a very long time. Not trans related but just bad stuff. I wrote here how I have genital dysphoria really bad when related to like masturbation for example. I had such an awful day I almost just thought about masturbation. I thought hey let me get the stress out so I can get out of this hell Ive dealt with like I dont care how much pain there is after. I was like what do I care, it's allready awful. If I had combined my problems with the dysphoria and the other stuff that went on, it might have gone really bad. Yes I might be dead. 

I dont know how Id deal with this amount of stress and than the dysphoria also if I had today. I could be on the floor dead right now. Im glad Im def not laying dead right now! Suicide is not the solution! Im glad I didnt trigger my dysphoria.

As for my problems, one my dog was not eating right. He has a skin problem and is 10 to 11 years old. I feared something was majorly wrong so I got all upset. He and my family just think he had an upset tummy and he a bit ago ate a whole bunch of food and drank alot of water too. That was a good sign everything is okay!!

My other problem was some guys today came to cut a part of a tree down and destroyed a few tables of mine that Ive since reordered but am expecting them to cover the damages for it. I get very annoyed by people who show no respect for others property.

I have horrible depression that comes not from dysphoria but other things also and it sucks! It can lead me to some really dark places.

I am sorry you have been having such a bad day.  I hope things get better for you.

I have to ask, what is your hormone situation?

Prior to beginning hormonal transition, every little thing going wrong would cause me fits, and throw me into depression.  Even afterwards, if my hormones ran low, I would get irritable and easily frustrated and depressed.

Something to think about.

Hugs, Carly

Thank you.

Im not sure exact levels but I do know I have really low t-levels and my estrogen is a bit higher although Ive never been on hrt.