Hey! I've lurked a few times and learned this site and the people here are real. Thank you!!! Like most of us, I've known since I was little[5 yrs old] that I was girly. Of course I learned to hide that real quick! But I had a sister, and she had Barbies! I loved putting their clothes and shoes on [Ohh the shoes!]. Then puberty came {horror!} with what do I do with this thing. I knew I wasn't Gay, but I didn't know what was. Sex was awful. After High School I fell in love with my male best friend, that freaked me out. After about 15 yrs. I thought I must be Gay, so I tried it out. One time, nope that wasn't it. That was the mid nighties When the internet was just cranking up and information started trickling on. In the 70's there were normal people and we all know what the rest were called. I knew I was 'one of the rest' but didn't know what. On the internet I discovered Transsexuals, Bang the light went on! I've been called weird, goofy, strange and a whole lot worse, but at least I knew who I was. I've learned to hide myself pretty well, but she still leaks out some! I've even managed to get married along the way. It's been a long road, and a not so good one a lot of the way, not quite a man not quite a women. Now, late in life medical problem about killed me about 3yrs. ago. It did kill the testicles and now she has no obstacles any more! I've always felt like a fake man, but now even the fake is gone.
     Now I cant hide anymore, not even from myself. I did something a few days ago that I've always wanted to do, I did my nails! I'm a ugly old man, but I have nice nails now! It's scary finally doing something I cant hide! Young people are so lucky now with the information out there. If I had known about Transsexuals in the 70's I would have transitioned long ago! It seems too late now, but maybe not. You all have helped a lot! I finally decided to register and tell someone, now to work up the nerve to tell the wife! Wish me luck!

Welcome to Susan's Place. Actually the information what available in the 60's. They attempted to teach me to read using sight reading which more or less meant I was functionally illiterate. When I was in the fourth grade, we moved to Arizona where they used phonics and the girls wouldn't be friendly with me and I wasn't very interested hanging out with the boys so what was left. Yes, the library. At first I struggled with reading but I managed to teach myself to read after the fact. It got to the point where I would read every magazine in the library and the newspaper at home. It was one of those news papers in 1963 that gave me the word transsexual. From then on, I was a person with a mission. Even Dear Abby was sometimes a source of information however the real bonanza what the college library that had several medical books on the subject.

I now read pretty well but we won't talk about my spelling. If it wasn't for autocorrection, you might not be able to read this. 

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Welcome Dani
Yes we are real with a variety of roads we have gone down. And I suspect as you read and learn about us we have all gone down some part of your road while on our own.
My lifeline is similar to yours.  I am AARP trans.  But the girly part was not so obvious to me early.  It was a late-in-life awareness that something had never fit completely together.  A missed crossroads I did not go down... a box un-examined.  Something was missing.  i opened myself to what that box was. Looked long and hard at everything.  Gay? Lack of college education?  Why I was so alone.  Finally, looked at TG-ness.  It fit.  It felt right in every way.  While my dysphoria is not intense as many have it is present. Enjoying my femme side.  Trying to figure out next step.
So my girlfriend, join the conversation.  You have an answer to someones question(even now).  And you can be assured your questions will be truthfully answered by someone around here.  Cry together...laugh together...learn together... share together...we are in this together.
And a small donation on a regular basis is appreciated my admin.
Julie 

Dani, welcome!
   Your story is very familiar to many on here. I have  a similar background. There are many who never thought they could do anything to realize their true self. Some including myself somehow move forward through the fear and change things to achieve what is needed. It is not without risk, but the reward can be amazing. I don't know your age, but I started transition at 58 and at 60 I just had gender surgery. Others are older. Only you know your loved ones and can make a judgement on telling your truth. I so wish you good luck.
Moni

Thank you all so much! It helps a lot knowing somebody cares. My medicals got me stuck in the poor house for a while, hopefully not for long! And Dena, I know what you mean about the spell check!

Hi Dani 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

It's never too late to find happiness and live your life authentically.

Welcome aboard!

 Hi Dani, we have alot in common. Im Abbie im 44. My girlfriend of 15 years took it well when I told her. We are still together. Have faith every thing will work out for you.

Hi Dani!

Quote from: Dani2118 on July 13, 2017, 10:24:44 PM
> now to work up the nerve to tell the wife! Wish me luck!

Definitely wishing you luck, and much more than that.  I had a lot of fear coming out to my immediate family so I spent time reading threads in the Coming Out forum - and found that a great help when it was my turn.

Quote from: Dani2118 on July 13, 2017, 10:24:44 PM
> I'm a ugly old man, but I have nice nails now!

In my opinion, a person discovering the freedom to live and be their true self is absolutely beautiful. 

All the best,

Kendra

Hi Dani.

  I'm Laurie. I am an old one that got a late start also. I started HRT in December at the ripe old age of 64. I'm still 64 since my birthday isn't until September. I am MtF also and a self appointed unofficial greeter. I would very much like you welcome you to Susan's Place (HUGS) Please do come on in and join the rest of the geriatric crew we even provide for wheelchair parking. You are never too old to find yourself and begin your personal journey to who you need to be.
  Like Dena I too remember hunting in libraries for what was wrong with me. I search for answers to why I was different and found such words as deviant and pervert and other not so nice words. I also found ->-bleeped-<- and found out that I suffered from an illness that caused me to want to wear clothes of the opposite sex. I discovered that it was wrong to do the things I liked to do and therefore I hid it.  Over the years I found out differently and definitions changed but by then I was already indoctrinated and had a difficult time with it.  I would stop and the start again over and over until I finally accepted it was a part of me. Something I had to do.
  I went through service in the Navy, getting married and raising children and felt a failure at all of it. I'm not longer married (haven't been for over 20 years) and by the look of things I've lost my relationship with my daughter again only this time she takes with her my 5 grand kids. So yeah like you  I know life as we know it can be hard.
   But on the other hand I think I have finally been able to accept myself as a trans-woman and set aside all those feelings of shame and guilt. I don't think I have ever flt more comfortable in my own skin than I do now.
  I've given myself permission to be my true self and am now trying to live full time.

  I wish you a similar discovery Dani. It's a great journey to be on.

Hugs,
   Laurie