I know, I know, there are pretty women, average women, large women, small women, women with big mustaches and women with flawless skin.

But I am finding it difficult to see a female in the mirror.
There's just a guy in makeup and a wig.

Now I know I haven't gone all the way with it, I still have big man eyebrows (I am so not ready to come out) I am poor at makeup and I need to learn the tricks of eyeliner and that's just the face and I know hormones COULD soften my features or something in time.

I think this is why I have been unable to sleep. My mind just keeps running over how in-female I look over and over.
Haha the irony of clearing dysphoria bringing about another head argument.

I've always had low self esteem which doesn't help but as a guy you can totally get away with looking gruff
A two day beard stubble is often seen as sexy and forehead lines make some women swoon.
On a woman though...god no!

Rambling over.

Chances are you won't be stealth-passable even after years of HRT and FFS, yet if you look confident of your right to be you and make a reasonable effort to look good and not acting up to draw attention to yourself, you may be acceptably-passable (maybe even without those things). And if you want to start seeing yourself as a woman and not a guy in a dress, I suggest to visualize an actress who is most closely looks like female you and try to improve your looks to match her style

And, you can be scared and keep holding yourself back and blaming your low self-esteem, or you can break your shell and go in public. And until you do it, you aren't really born (metaphorically).


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Yeah I feel you, this whole transition thing doesn't really make these feelings go away, you always kind of feel not good enough.
I have had quite the transition so far but ultimately I still get those days where I just see a man in the mirror and think to myself about going back to the old life.
I really think though I am being very blind sometimes. Probably not even based of gender dysphoria or anything, just like standard issue body dysmorphia, I see myself like heavy and blocky, and I try my best to loose more weight.
I so far have not been able to love my body 100%, I am 5'11 and 65kgs. I am aiming for atleast 60kgs
Ther is a mental barrier we all must overcome here :/

We are our own worst critics typically. My athletic shoulders bother the beck out of me. They have reduced in musculature a bit with HRT, but there are limitations.

I want to lose more weight and get back to about my 2012 weight, when my stomach was completely flat.

We can obsess on all of that and that is certainly and option, or we can go forward in life and look our best. I'm going to continue to choose the latter.

Thanks everyone
My lack of sleep and hormones messing with my head.

I know i can do better but for the sake of my job I have to remain undercover.

I can't be sacked for being trans but as i have no guaranteed hours I can be effectively sacked.

I know if i went all the way I would be happier but i need this job

Hi Kairi,

   You are quite a bit younger than I am or at least you appear so. I think because of that passing is a bigger deal. I don't mean it isn't important as it is. But at my age one just has to face the facts and those are I am likely never going to pass. So I will just have to content myself with being beautiful lady I have always been in my better dreams.
   I've just recently decided to attempt full time. I've told most of the people I felt the need to tell about me personally but have not yet made a public disclosure (ie posting something on facebook) But like I said I am making the attempt to live as a woman. Once I made this decision and looked back at the last month of traveling as a woman I've discovered that it isn't as important for me to pass. What is important is that I am living true to who I am  and that I am not really that different from a vast amount of women. Women come in all shapes and sizes, have voices across the spectrum, and wear whatever pleases them. With all this variety I ought to be able to fit in somewhere. What I need to work on is becoming comfortable living in this admittedly foreign world.
   So I will let those of you that are young enough worry about passing and hope it doesn't cause you too much distress. As time passes you'll also see that learning to accept yourself as you are and living happily with it is what is really important.

  Oh and by all means free free to ignore and old lady's thoughts. You won't hurt my feelings.

  Luck and love to you,
  Laurie

That's the struggle isn't it. I always find great comfort in the idea that there are stones left unturned and that I can always get better. You haven't trimmed your eyebrows yet is just one thing that shows you aren't the finished article. A work in progress with an exciting destination.

You said in your post misskairi your loading sleep over your looks well don't your more that passable just looking at you photo, me on the other hand I too have been unable to sleep, eat or just function probably due to the same problem.
Yes I might be petite that's a good start then the small feet good again then the long long hair even better so far I tick all the boxes then there's the face oh dear that's when it falls apart, if I was a older ladies looks would not be so important but at my age ( early forties ) they still are, in fact so much so I've 90% sure I'm going to start de-transition  yes I will regret it.
So yes looks are quite important if you want to be more passable.
S.

As a transman and someone very young I don't have much advice, but I do have one bit to give, if only in the area of aesthetics.
  You said you haven't plucked your eyebrows and you haven't learned all the tips and tricks of makeup. Pluck your eyebrows. Just clean them up- you don't have to make them thin, just get the straggly bits in order. Women have all kinds of eyebrows, and cleaning them up won't bring up any suspicions unless you have a prominent unibrow.
Then check out the makeup tricks online. Check out the contouring that drag queens do- they make a living off of looking like ladies, they're best qualified to give these kinds of tips. And cosplayers. (I took tips from kings, by the way, this isn't something I just came up with on the fly.) They know what they're doing. Some of them, anyway.

I hope this was maybe hlpful in some way

Haha everyone loves my eyebrows.
Well I DO clip them to keep them short as the hairs there grow at 100% different speeds.

As for shaping them, nah I can't yet.
I think 95% of people I work with know me as a bit off the beaten track so theyd shrug their shoulders

Sadly 5% would do everything within the lines to abuse me, even to the point of accusing me of things like theft to get me away from them.

I just wanna be left alone to get on with my life really.

I know nothing practical about make up, but I've seen good and bad makeup and eyebrows on cis females.

So, in relation to your eyebrows, it seems to be currently fashionable for females to have wide, long and hairy eyebrows ( in Australia at least) and they apply eyebrow mascara to really make them stand out. Most would die for your eyebrows ( I know I would since I have practically none, noo, wait, since I started T I've got a few extra hairs, my partner disagrees... but I love my extra eyebrow hairs ). Ok, so eyebrows you can work in your favour without doing much to them other than eyebrow stuff that girls put on them. Check online for people who show you how to do it step by step on youtube. It's a fantastic resource for you.

Next, face. Again, highly skilled make up artists could show you how you can use make up to bring out more or less cheek bones, eyes, jaw line. I would get in touch with one of them, or search youtube for tips on how to become a fukken brilliant make up artist. You can have a lot of fun at home with this and learn as you go along to make yourself look more femme.

Since you are not planning on coming out any time soon, there is no rush to acquire the necessary skills to totally remake your looks using make up only. Go for it, girl!

If you meet someone before they change gender presentation, that person has a higher hurdle to jump compared to someone you are meeting the first time.  This is why pure-stealthies find it beneficial to move to a different location, switch jobs, shorten their coming-out checklist.  (I'm not planning to but I can understand the temptation). 

When you look in the mirror your brain has to process bits and pieces of someone you already met. 

Find a photo of your face right before puberty and attach it next to your mirror.  Glance at that photo before you look in the mirror, you will feel different.  That photo isn't exactly your goal but shows your genetics with different hormones.  The old photo will help your brain process the fact you are changing again.

With enough practice you will jump the hurdle without falling.  Kairi based on your profile photo I'm pretty sure you will be able to show off with a spiraling back flip and make it look easy someday.  Just like any other form of exercise this feels more natural over time.  I have done a few face-plants (ouch), dusted myself off and jumped again thinking about what others have achieved with advantages and disadvantages.  And yes Sara I am also talking to you here - we tend to set the bar higher than an Olympic athlete, or incorrectly assume someone else has the right to decide where we set our bar.  The most important thing is to keep going.  Sometimes exercise feels like a task, but if done right it definitely feels good afterward.