Hey everyone, I've gotten a few personal messages wondering about my lack of activity on the forum.  While I've still been actively responding to certain threads, I have to admit I haven't been as active as I used to be here. I felt like it was time to get back to all my friends here and share some updates about my journey.

So I'm officially 4.5 months into HRT and those results are really becoming clear.  I won't go into extreme details but my breasts continue to grow and I'm wearing a bralette most days to protect them   Skin is softening, facial features are getting more feminine and I believe my body hair is slowing down.  At the 6 month mark I'll get my next set of labs and see where my levels are.

I'm really enjoying the changes in me from a mental and spiritual perspective. For the first time in my life, I feel like I actually feel emotions. I feel more of a connection to myself than I ever have before and my mind is much more open to all possibilities.  I find that when I go out with friends, I just have more fun.  Where I hated pictures before, I'm a selfie queen now.  Where I hated clothes shopping before, I now can spend hours in a single store looking at every item on every rack. My own self confidence is growing as well.  While I'm still self-conscious of my hair in particular, I've been going out quite a bit without a wig and without fake breasts and just being the natural real me.  No worrying about what others think or how they'll react.

Honestly, this development also plays into why I haven't been as active here lately. I've been cultivating a few very special friendships. I've met a trans-woman who lives about an hour from me and we've become very tight.  She was living in a very isolated condition but has really come out of her shell since we've started going out shopping, clubbing, etc. together.  It's very rewarding for me to hear her tell me how I've inspired her.  For as early as I am in my transition, to know that I'm helping others by just following my journey is incredibly affirming. 

I've also developed a very strong connection with one of our sisters on this forum.  While she and I have not met in person yet, we've spent literally hours at a time talking on the phone and really developing an awareness for ourselves and our condition in life.  I can't even call her a friend because our connection is so much more significant and at a more meaningful level than I've ever experienced.  She has become an critical part of my support system.

When it comes to my family, things are going great with everyone except my wife.  My sisters, my parents, my kids, even extended family are amazingly supportive.  On my marriage side, I'm pretty sure things are headed to an inevitable end. My wife has made it clear we're not a couple and she doesn't seem to have any vision of us having any real relationship in the future. I talked about this with my therapist and friends, I while I still have waves of emotion over it, I think I'm ultimately at peace with it and it will actually be good for both of us if we just separate.  This current situation is not healthy and is not doing anyone any good.

I'm still on target for my November 1 full-time date.  I will actually be announcing my transition publicly on Facebook this week.  I've drafted a post that shares my gender identity, my transition plans and invites my friends to let me know that they'd like to be added to my new profile. I decided I'd like people to positively confirm that they want to remain a part of my life and I figured this a better way to handle it then just sending friend requests to all of them (since some people tend to just automatically accept any request that comes in). 

So I think that about covers it for now.  I'm sure a lot more has happened that I've forgotten but I wanted to make sure I got something out here for my friends who were starting to worry about me in particular.  I'm in a good....no make that great....space right now despite my challenges.  Forward I go!!

That's good news.  It's great to have friends that you can spend time with either in person or on the phone.  While online friends are good it's still nothing like seeing or talking to friends.  Your plan for Facebook sounds like a great one.  I'm planning for when I do the same but my wording will be completely different.  The few people that already know can't wait to see my post.  They know how snarky I am on Facebook so it should be a riot.  Matter of fact it will probably bring down Facebook when I do post. 

Congrats again.  I'm very happy that things are working out great for you.  A lot of other girls here can use the boost in confidence.

Excellent news, Alyssa! It is great to hear about your progress.

Fantastic news Alyssa sounds like your doing really great, its good to hear from you again.
Sara.

Despite what's happening with your wife it's inspiring and uplifting to read how well things are going for you and how positive you feel.  We need more of your stories!  It's so easy to focus on the misery many of us feel, not seeing the good as well.  Your post warmed my heart.

Hey Alyssa

Great to see an update from you.

We are on similar timelines so intetested to read about your progress.  Downer about your marriage situation.  From your older posts I gathered that you knew it was probably headed that way.  Doesn't help though does it? 

Have you looked into the name change any more? The one thing it looked like on the confidential form was that it will not update your birth certificate automatically.

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Hi Alyssa,

  It's me, Laurie (waves). I read your update with joy in my heart for you. I remember how you struggled early on and watched how you slowly grew stronger. Oh yes I remember those low places you visited too and my heart hurt for you. But you worked your way back up and grew more confident, better grounded. Your sisters helping you was also made for good reading. And now, what a difference. I think we all knew (including yourself somewhere inside) that your marriage was a long shot at best though no one wanted to see it happen. The difference now is that you are facing it now. You will deal with the fallout as you are a much stronger person now, more confident and have a support network you can rely on. And of course you have us here.
  You sound so much more positive then when we last saw you. You were doing pretty good but now you're doing great as you say. Congrats of that girl and I'm glad to see you are on track for starting full time. Take it from me you'll grow a lot then and gain even more acceptance of your self. I think I have.
  Yeah that's what I said. I'm full time now! it's been almost 2 months now. I didn't plan to do it, it just kind of happened and I'm doing pretty good with it.

  I wish you more happiness and fewer low points. Come back to us every so often and say hi.

Hugs,
   Laurie