I'm a 19 year old MAAB but I don't know if I'm experiencing dysphoria or not. I definitely wish that I had a more feminine body so I could pass as I woman if I wanted to do so. I also know that if I could choose to be reborn as a woman, I would do that.
But I also know that transitioning into a woman isn't for me since I don't have a massive problem with being male.

Any thoughts?

I was the same way. At 53 it built to the point of overpowering in about 3 months.
In my opinion- If you're ready you'll know.

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I don't have issues with being male either, but Beverly pointed out to me that wanting to change your body is dysphoria at it's most basic level.    It was some of the best advice I've ever gotten.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Beverly on March 08, 2015, 11:43:44 AM

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 08, 2015, 11:09:49 AM
The boobage was the driving force, because I thought it would look right on me, and it does.
I had a muscleless, hairless frame that looked like a flat chested woman with a penis. Now I look like a woman with modest breasts and a penis, and I like it.

OK, let me suggest the following - that you do in fact have Gender Dysphoria because:

(a) you were not happy with your body as it was,
(b) you are prepared to publicly display a female identity,
(c) the condition has persisted for a significant time and
(d) you are comfortable with a female self image

These are not traits held by "normal" members of the male population. The fact that you are uncomfortable enough with your body to make these changes suggests to me that you should feel no reserve in claiming you have GD and asking for HRT. It is true that switching publicly between male/female roles might be viewed as dual-role transvestism but that is also in "The Manual" under Gender Dysphoria.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 08, 2015, 11:09:49 AM
So to reset, does the hybrid get HRT because they want it?

You are already on HRT. The question is do you want the more effective, medically monitored variety or the stuff you are on now?

Thoughts?

There are so many ways to be trans. I didn't realize I was trans for a long time because I didn't feel like "a woman trapped in a man's body." After I realized I was nonbinary I wanted a more feminine body, but it took a long time to actually let myself do anything about it. I would suggest that you try to be open to your own personal journey. New levels of self-understanding have changed what I want for myself. Your journey is yours and only you can determine what is right for you.

-Dani Rae

I'm the same way, being male isn't the worst thing ever, but I've still found enough reasons to want to change myself. I basically listed all the pros and cons (in my head mind you), and decided I wanted the pros enough, and most of the cons could be mitigated (such as by banking sperm in case I ever do decide to have kids).

That said, you don't have to transition to be trans either, it's a spectrum, some people are just not entirely male, ultimately I decided I am going to transition, and be as female as possible, but also that there's no need to rush into it, for now just letting E do its thing and going for the ride, I'll change my presentation later.

Well, just because you don't have the imperious necesity to transitions, it doesn't mean you are not trans. There are different "degrees". Some people's dyphoria is so strong that at as soon as they can speak, they expres their feelings of being from the opposite gender. Other's need to transition might be weaker, so they choose to continue with their "normal" life.

You don't need to transition to be trans. It's about how you feel, not about what you do. 

Quote from: Lady Lisandra on August 12, 2017, 01:44:23 AM
Well, just because you don't have the imperious necesity to transitions, it doesn't mean you are not trans. There are different "degrees". Some people's dyphoria is so strong that at as soon as they can speak, they expres their feelings of being from the opposite gender. Other's need to transition might be weaker, so they choose to continue with their "normal" life.

You don't need to transition to be trans. It's about how you feel, not about what you do.

Also good points. I have read some good articles about similar subjects. The gist is that neither dysphoria nor physical transition are prerequisites for being trans. Everyone has their own truth and it is valid whether not it fits the dominant narrative.

Hi annemarie, I'm kind of similar - I'm 22 and my dysphoria is quite "weak", at least a lot of the time. The case of a child who knows their body and gender are opposite from the word go - that's definitely not me. In fact, I don't think I was necessarily born trans - I only realised very recently, and at first I felt AWFUL, totally sickened by everything male about me. But I think now a lot of that negative feeling was "Will people accept me?", "How can I possibly change to be more like I want to be?", "There's too much work to do". Since I've started telling people and they HAVE been coming round, and I've been making changes to my behaviour and appearance and seeing that the work can be done, it's all been more manageable. To the point where, at occasional moments, I think I'll wake up tomorrow, it'll all have been a dream and I'll be back to being cis male. But then I realise that I'm actually presenting female and wearing girl clothes 100% of the time and that feels right and makes me happy(-er), and so, I guess not!

I guess the thing is that "trans" is a massively broad term and doesn't have to be characterised by...suffering. When I think about HRT, I don't think it's something that OMG, I need right now, as it felt at first - more like, it's something I might be ready for at some point in the future.

I know for met at 45 now, I have just about accepted myself and the fact that I will transition. I didn't always feel this way. I tried to bury these feelings for years but now have a very supportive partner now which has made things so much easier for me to be me. In other words, I feel different about my gender now than I did several years ago.

Thank you so much everyone for your responses! I guess I just need time to figure things out

I keep getting hung up on that question too, as the more extreme examples are what everyone always thinks of. The image of transgender I have always seen most prominent is either one of two things: 1) The 5 year old insisting they are a different gender from the moment they could speak or 2) The person with such extreme dysphoria they self mutilate just to force a hospital to perform a surgery. (Meeting someone that fits the latter category broke my heart, both for them and for myself as I thought "Oh, that's trans, I guess I'm not...") My biggest doubt continues to lie in the fact that I don't look at my body and feel revulsion, just... indifference. Embarrassment at the worst (I really don't like people looking at me, but I have no idea if that is just anxiety/agoraphobia or dysphoria). I definitely don't have a "problem being male", but I do know that I would definitely rather be female.

And while I'm still attempting to find a therapist to really confirm things before I boldly declare anything as a certainty, everyday the doubt is slipping further and further away. Fortunately (well, sort of fortunately) there are a few things I need to do regardless of if I transition or not that have me occupied for the time being (weight loss mostly), so I still have a little while before I can even make a final decision. (Though once that certainty is there I won't hesitate to start transitioning.)

Just make sure no matter what you decide, live your life to the fullest. I'm 35 and have squandered the past nearly 20 years being mostly miserable and alone. It doesn't matter what form that happiness is found in (unless its like... murder related, don't do that ), just don't let this question get the better of you. Also, I normally don't sound so greeting cardy, I swear.

Quote from: Lady Lisandra on August 12, 2017, 01:44:23 AM
Well, just because you don't have the imperious necesity to transitions, it doesn't mean you are not trans. There are different "degrees". Some people's dyphoria is so strong that at as soon as they can speak, they expres their feelings of being from the opposite gender. Other's need to transition might be weaker, so they choose to continue with their "normal" life.

You don't need to transition to be trans. It's about how you feel, not about what you do.

Yes, that's right. We are all different and in different spots in our journey through life. :-)

There are threads here about anything imaginable, like being  transgendered without severe dysphoria.  I'm 46 and only discovered gender was an issue with me a year ago; it unquestionably is.  Body hair just drives me freakin' crazy, for instance - last night I found out that hormones have finally retarded its growth, and boy but I was overjoyed about this.  I've been soaking in a tub for an hour every day for months scraping away at that stuff, sometimes cutting myself accidentally in the rush to be rid of it.  In summer 2016 I was just some sorta hirsute eccentric hermit, happy but dissatisfied with things in some vague fashion that I've never been able to pinpoint. 

When I started posting here one of the mods chimed in with a bunch of links, among which was the Transition Channel] on YouTube.  I'd watch the video about ] over and over again; usually I'm not interested in videos but hearing her talk about indicators that I was trans meant a lot to me.

I noticed she has some new videos up for the first time in years, too. 

Ask around about therapists - the first one I went to turned out to be a bit questionable in their practices.

Just to add to what Lucy said - I found that video really helpful. I didn't tick many of the boxes that she listed, but I went off and made my own list afterwards, as she suggested, and that was super helpful. And, her other videos are great too.

L x

That video really helped me get some of my doubts in check, definitely worth a watch. I'd doubt myself based on the phrasing of the more general lead in, but the more specific she got I was just nodding along to everything.

Quote from: annemarie on August 10, 2017, 05:32:48 PM
I'm a 19 year old MAAB but I don't know if I'm experiencing dysphoria or not. I definitely wish that I had a more feminine body so I could pass as I woman if I wanted to do so. I also know that if I could choose to be reborn as a woman, I would do that.
But I also know that transitioning into a woman isn't for me since I don't have a massive problem with being male.

Any thoughts?

Your perspective is very healthy... you have identified areas where there is some level of desire for change but currently see no need to fully transition. You can always adjust as needed but there's certainly no need to be definite about things in order to confidently move forward.

I think knowing where you are at a given time is a really huge win. After years of overthinking things I found transitioning for me was a process of discovering through being and doing... not overthinking questions that cannot be answered until "being and doing." I realized transition is not about first definitively answering label-related questions. The label-related questions just caused unnecessary synapse-related activity that often led nowhere but wasted cycles if not a stalemated situation.

I found it much more constructive to simply see how I felt about things on a daily basis... if I wanted to wear makeup and a dress or skirt, I'd do so. If not, I'd not. ... and so on.

The answers to those questions each day were tangibles... I didn't have to ponder anything. It was a matter of not worrying about repression, the need for permission, or the need to logically answer questions that, I now realize on hindsight, could not have been answered without first living... doing... being.

(I omit a lot of details on the GD driving all of this... mostly drives blocked by a lot of unhealthy unnecessary useless pointless repression largely based on a fear of rejection by peers, work, that sort of thing. The point here is that sitting on life's couch pondering logical answers which are only found in taking action and living life don't help get around all that... it's when I sought to "do" and "be" each day that I sort of didn't need to directly answer the questions logically... I could see the real answers start to emerge.)

To think about identity without asking what one wants to do with one's life each day is sort of the cart before the horse. The answer to identity started emerging for me when I began to stop demanding a logical answer and began allowing myself to "do" and "be" ... to take action based on simple tangibles that didn't require rationalization through answering logical questions.

When thinking about it, that makes sense. The answer to the question of my gender identity isn't a logical answer. It isn't a logical thing. It's an aspect of my life.

When I stopped trying to logically answer questions like that, I started to wonder about simply 'identity' ... but not logically... it was more of a sense of my own volition connected with a sense of self. I was allowing myself as I had not in the past. Cookie cutters weren't ruling the day.

A very obvious and positive thing... you seem to be totally not plagued by unhealthy repression so that's a huge a win.... There is so much you won't have to untangle later. It should also allow you to wake up each day and just be whomever you sense you are, perhaps partly discovered through interacting with the other folks in your life... it's obvious you've already learned a lot and have comfort with your journey so I can't see anything but more clarification coming to you from within yourself. Seems like you're fine not having whatever answers you don't have yet, and knowing what you know. That's pretty great, actually... know what you know, do what you know you want to do, all that... the tangibles that are clear... and good understanding bubbles up.... Well, that's my theory anyway based on what works for me.

Thank you all for your responses. They have started to make me think clearer about my situation.
However, my biggest problem with transition however is that I don't want to lose my fertility and function since my have a loving partner who would one day like to have children with me. If transition allowed me to keep these things I would without a doubt seek the necessary steps in some ways, I believe that the non binary part of me just doesn't want to lose that and become 'fully female' in a sense.

I was super convinced I wanted to transition and now, 2 months after starting HRT, I'm not sure. So I stopped.

Welcome to the club, confusion is part of my everyday life too. My advice would be not to rush things, think it through and if you want to try clothes, or makeup or anything that might connect you more to the feminine side, then do so without doing anything drastic.