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Fear of not passing preventing self from transitioning

Started by bronese, September 17, 2017, 12:04:49 AM

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elkie-t

That's what I suspected... you are about start taking hormones without parents support. Yet at the same time you're financially dependent from them.

Scenario #1: as soon as HRT causes changes (and not so drastic, first minor ones), your parents will notice and confront you. They would insist to bring you to a doctor if you play innocence and pretend you don't know, or act as if in denial. Later they will find out that you started hormones without letting them know first. Opportunity to ask them for support is lost.

Scenario #2: you tell them how did you feel since age 7. More likely than not, they noticed something too. But maybe not. They feel hurt and try to make you change your mind, but you remind them you can really make decisions without their consent, yet it would really hurt you in many ways if you have to leave home. You get a job and start planning for your independence. You might actually gain their support somewhere, and with their support you'd be way ahead. And if support doesn't materialize, you will start HRT maybe a few years later, when you are financially capable, but you will have a higher ground than your parents.

Don't underestimate them, don't push them out of your life. Parents are there to help you, not hinder 


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bronese

Quote from: elkie-t on September 17, 2017, 07:10:16 PM
That's what I suspected... you are about start taking hormones without parents support. Yet at the same time you're financially dependent from them.

Scenario #1: as soon as HRT causes changes (and not so drastic, first minor ones), your parents will notice and confront you. They would insist to bring you to a doctor if you play innocence and pretend you don't know, or act as if in denial. Later they will find out that you started hormones without letting them know first. Opportunity to ask them for support is lost.

Scenario #2: you tell them how did you feel since age 7. More likely than not, they noticed something too. But maybe not. They feel hurt and try to make you change your mind, but you remind them you can really make decisions without their consent, yet it would really hurt you in many ways if you have to leave home. You get a job and start planning for your independence. You might actually gain their support somewhere, and with their support you'd be way ahead. And if support doesn't materialize, you will start HRT maybe a few years later, when you are financially capable, but you will have a higher ground than your parents.

Don't underestimate them, don't push them out of your life. Parents are there to help you, not hinder 


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no, so like im currently studying canada (originally from malaysia) and im not gonna see my parents for at least 2 more years, so they wouldnt actually find out.
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JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ

Quote from: amandam on September 17, 2017, 12:19:32 PM
If you make an effort to be a "real girl", it will work out. People may notice you are trans, but if you have put in the effort, there will be more acceptance, maybe total acceptance. If you didn't care, and were a hairy, lurching, manly beast in a dress, well, that's not a good effort and the public's acceptance will be a fraction of what it should be. It's just our society, they expect a certain amount compliance with the status quo. Put in the effort, and I think you'll be pleased.
"a hairy, lurching, manly beast in a dress" made me literally laugh out loud! Thanks, I needed that today! :)

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"This, too, shall pass." So simple. So powerful. Saved my life. 💖⚧💋
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JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ

Quote from: bronese on September 17, 2017, 11:47:23 AM
Thank you for all the support, and im glad youre happy with how you look like, but honestly, i dont exactly think ill pass even though im asian and im still young, all i can hope for is that my body is susceptible to estrogen and my body just flips. so yea, im probably gonna give hrt a shot because its something ive always wanted and probably always will want, might as well get it over with now than regret it later, right?
If you're absolutely, 100% certain u want it, & it sounds like u do, then go for it!! One of the reasons I held off on starting HRT recently was because I was afraid I'd waited too long (I'm 33), & i deeply regretted missing the chance to look more feminine... I'm over it now, as I know I was nowhere near ready back then, but for a while I felt very depressed.  As you're already aware, you'll most likely have MUCH better results being young, as the testosterone hasn't finished "damaging" your body yet, lol. Now, don't quote me on this, as I could be wrong, but from the research I've done, you MAY have some slight changes in bone structure and/or growth since you're still developing. Perhaps your face will "feminize" (not sure if that's a word? Kinda sounds like "demonize," maybe a poor choice, lol) more than u expect. There's no way to know, so like I said before, just try & stay positive! I'll send some good vibes your way, Sister!! [emoji6]

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"This, too, shall pass." So simple. So powerful. Saved my life. 💖⚧💋
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bronese

Quote from: JessiCalypsoƸ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ on September 18, 2017, 07:18:54 AM
If you're absolutely, 100% certain u want it, & it sounds like u do, then go for it!! One of the reasons I held off on starting HRT recently was because I was afraid I'd waited too long (I'm 33), & i deeply regretted missing the chance to look more feminine... I'm over it now, as I know I was nowhere near ready back then, but for a while I felt very depressed.  As you're already aware, you'll most likely have MUCH better results being young, as the testosterone hasn't finished "damaging" your body yet, lol. Now, don't quote me on this, as I could be wrong, but from the research I've done, you MAY have some slight changes in bone structure and/or growth since you're still developing. Perhaps your face will "feminize" (not sure if that's a word? Kinda sounds like "demonize," maybe a poor choice, lol) more than u expect. There's no way to know, so like I said before, just try & stay positive! I'll send some good vibes your way, Sister!! [emoji6]

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god thank you so much for the positivity. yea testosterone is one hell of a ->-bleeped-<-ty hormone and id love to get rid of it from my body. i can only hope estrogen works its wonder on my tiny body :///:
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Kendra

I am MtF and I think testosterone is wonderful - for the right person.  We have decided to become our true selves, and in some cases that requites a little or a lot of effort and changes. 

To live and enjoy the best life possible some of us need to head in one particular direction, some of us in the other direction, and some are just fine aiming for the middle (non-binary).  To me, this is freedom.

I dislike the term "passing" because it implies the opposite is to fail which is not the case at all.  In my mind, the only failure is narrow-minded people judging me when I didn't ask their opinion.
Assigned male at birth 1963.  Decided I wanted to be a girl in 1971.  Laser 2014-16, electrolysis 2015-17, HRT 7/2017, GCS 1/2018, VFS 3/2018, FFS 5/2018, Labiaplasty & BA 7/2018. 
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bronese

Quote from: Kendra on September 18, 2017, 09:19:20 AM
I am MtF and I think testosterone is wonderful - for the right person.  We have decided to become our true selves, and in some cases that requites a little or a lot of effort and changes. 

To live and enjoy the best life possible some of us need to head in one particular direction, some of us in the other direction, and some are just fine aiming for the middle (non-binary).  To me, this is freedom.

I dislike the term "passing" because it implies the opposite is to fail which is not the case at all.  In my mind, the only failure is narrow-minded people judging me when I didn't ask their opinion.
that is a very interesting PoV to be in and ill definitely look into it, it sounds interesting and i kinda agreee with it.
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