Susan's Place Logo

News:

Visit our Discord server  and Wiki

Main Menu

Is it irrational to think you'll never pass?

Started by ScottyMac, September 27, 2014, 10:17:06 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Deinewelt

#20
I am MTF, but sometimes thinking about my experience as a guy, it reminds me of what I've read of FTM experiences when I would attempt to appear more masculine.  When I was trying to look that way, I always felt this pressure to present like I was some tough dude when I'm nothing of the sort.  Well for one thing, my hands are very small.  Secondly, my feet are size 6 in mens, but I pretty much always wore size 8 with no problems.  I'm also very small in general at 5'5" 120 lbs.  Nobody ever thought I was anything but born a male despite the fact that I have a lot of feminine features, so no, I don't think any of these things are hangups at all.  Wearing less tight clothing always seems to help.  Whenever I look in the mirror lately all I see is a female with facial hair, but nobody ever thought I was trans. 
  •  

BreezyB

I agree with many posts here, I think it is going to be a less than helpful thought to have during transition. Whilst I had an initial thought of "omg, I'll just look like a man in a dress" I soon got over that. And even 3months into HRT I'm seeing and hearing people notice the changes in me which is great. But as my therapist said to me last week, we may need to talk about self image and expectations. It's a bit like a teenage girl for me, going through puberty and worrying whether I look like the other kids, my therapist tells me that's a bit dangerous and can lead to all sorts of problems, as we often see in puberty laden teenagers  ;D

Rather than aiming for "how can I pass", I'm focussing more on "how can I blend in". Realistically most people are too busy with their own stuff in life to worry about whether that's actually a dude or a girl.
"I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are" - Mary Lambert



  •  

Darrin Scott

Like others have said, you won't know until you try. I didn't start passing 100% until over a year on T. As far as hands and feet go, they grow on T. I went from a size 5 shoe to either a 6.5 or a 7. My hands got bigger too. I know because I had to get my bowling balls fitted again after starting T. There is a lot of hope and if you stress about all of it now, it'll make you feel worse than you would otherwise. You don't know the future, just go with it and give it a shot.





  •  

Deinewelt

You mention that the hands/feet grow on T, is that due to skeletal changes or just increased amount of muscle tissue?  Just curious.
  •  

blink

Deinewelt, it's variable. If someone's bones have already fused, it's impossible for them to grow longer. It is possible for hands and feet to get wider from extra muscle regardless of whether bones can still lengthen. At my age bone growth is quite unlikely, but my feet have widened enough to necessitate larger shoes. Weight & grip training along with the T has beefed my hands up slightly.
  •  

Deinewelt

Yeah,  I tend to notice, even though I have small hands/feet that they have some muscle on them that I hope drops off after being on HRT for awhile.  Thanks!

It is totally odd though, when I lived as a male I literally fooled myself into thinking my shoe size was 8 1/2 or 9 in mens.  The reality was I would wear pants that are less tight (bootcut) with these slightly larger shoes in order to create the illusion that I am bigger than I am.  The illusion works quite well and even had myself fooled, though I personally never really felt right.  It is something pretty much every guy I have ever known does, maybe not with shoes, but they all seem to somehow increase their masculinity the same way woman increase their feminine nature with makeup/clothing etc.  Now I like smaller shoes.  I think it is so awesome that we are all different and aspire to express ourselves in different ways!  Probably the best thing to do is maximize the weaknesses and just leave insecurities behind and you'll pass easily.  Nobody ever looks at these things in order to think *are they man?*  Mostly it comes down to the muscle mass, body hair, voice, lack of feminine features like curves. 

  •  

Angelo

Quote from: Edge on September 27, 2014, 10:37:58 AM
I don't think it's irrational at all. I've been on T almost a year and I still barely ever pass.

I know that this is an old thread, but for the people, such as Edge, who say they were not passing at 1 year on T, did you ever eventually pass?

I ask this because I've been on T for almost 11.5 months. My voice is really deep, I'm not that short, I dress in guy's clothes, and have a man's hairstyle, and everywhere I go, people call me ma'am. I am beginning to worry that I'll never, ever pass and that I'll just end up as someone that is perceived as a very hairy woman with a really deep voice. I would really like to be perceived as male.

I'm hoping that eventually I'll pass. Also, I didn't start medically transitioning until age 55.

I'm okay if the transition is slow, as long as I'll eventually get there.
  •  

Dena

Nobody can say for sure if and when you will pass but for many of us fat moves around pretty slowly. Some girls develop breasts in 6 months while I was over 4 year before I moved into a A cup. Pretty much the same happened with facial fat.

From what I understand for FTMs on testosterone, water retention is an issue during the first year so your not really seeing your final appearance until well into the second year. Give it another year or so and I suspect you will find your facial appearance has changed more toward the masculine.
Rebirth Date 1982 - PMs are welcome - Use [email]dena@susans.org[/email] or Discord if your unable to PM - Skype is available - My Transition
If you are helped by this site, consider leaving a tip in the jar at the bottom of the page or become a subscriber
  •  

MeTony

I believe it is more than appearence that makes people see you as a man. How do you move? Walk? Mannerism? Study and compare to guys on the street, in coffee shops, in cars etc.

When I see myself I'm a man with a chest. I really hate my chest. People gender me male 50% of the time. I believe you might need to change something about how you walk, move or talk. Don't change too much though, you still need to be you.

My pic here is photoshopped. I have no beard yet. I'm pre T.


Tony
  •  

Angelo

Well, I think it is much more the way I look rather than the way I move, walk, or talk. My face just seems to look like a woman. Pre T you already look more like a guy than I do and I've been on T almost a year!

Hopefully it is as Dena said, that fat redistributes slowly. Unfortunately, I tend to carry a lot of face fat even though I'm not really overweight. I'm 5 foot 7 and weight about 147. I think if I could lose the face fat that would help.

Thanks for your responses.
  •  

MeTony

Quote from: Angelo on September 28, 2017, 08:20:04 PM
Well, I think it is much more the way I look rather than the way I move, walk, or talk. My face just seems to look like a woman. Pre T you already look more like a guy than I do and I've been on T almost a year!

Hopefully it is as Dena said, that fat redistributes slowly. Unfortunately, I tend to carry a lot of face fat even though I'm not really overweight. I'm 5 foot 7 and weight about 147. I think if I could lose the face fat that would help.

Thanks for your responses.


Are you used to wear makeup? I was thinking shades, to accentuate male features in your face. Makeup can do a lot.

I'm no expert in makeup, but I am amazed when I see the transformation a good makeup can do. I have never used makeup myself. But maybe that might work for you?
  •  

Kylo

Some people do have more difficulty passing than others. It's down to your own unique situation and how the T affects your appearance and voice, so not irrational.
"If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter."
  •