Today's been a little stressful! I'm going to visit a friend in Rochester this weekend and she and I and another friend are going to a bar/restaurant/bowing alley and I decided to go dressed as a woman. I only went out as a woman once, which was back in July, and it was right before I started HRT. I went out to a bar I was familiar with in my own town and I drank before I went out so I wasn't so nervous, but this time I don't think I'm going to drink, I'm already nervous about going out dressed up, I don't wanna push the bathroom issue, if I drink I will be constantly peeing!

So I've been preparing for this already, I trimmed my body hair with the intent to do a full shave over the next few days, and last weekend I did a little shopping with a friend and I have my outfit picked out and I'm set on makeup. I wanted to practice my makeup over the next few days because it's been a while since I've used it, and then something happened. My dad called me and said that the company we're working for wants us to go out to the Albany area for the next 3 days. I'll be staying in a hotel with my dad and he doesn't know about me yet. I've stayed with him a lot before but this is my first time rooming with him while I'm on HRT. I don't think that part will be a big deal, he never pays attention to what medication I take, but I'm hoping that he doesn't notice that my legs are shaved. Now I won't really have time to practice my makeup or shave the rest of my hair until Friday night when I get back, which I was super stressed about because I already had plans for other things but now I'm guna blow them off. I have a couple things I can't blow off though, I need my estrogen refilled, I only have enough to last me til saturday morning and then I'm seeing my friend friday night and she's gunna trim the ends of my hair real quick cuz they need to be cleaned up. I hate rushing, so I hope things go smoothly on saturday and I hope I don't get too nervous and chicken out once I get up there, and I hope that I don't experience any negative people when I go out!

looking forward, Halloween is coming up and I've dressed in women's costumes before at parties and passed it off as a joke, but I think people are finally realizing that I'm not joking. My friend in Rochester is having a party on Oct 21st that I'm going to and the other day she asked me if I want to be introduced as Maddie at the party, and she wanted to know if she should give her friends a heads up about me, even though she's sure they'll all be fine with it. I don't really know any of her friends from that area, so this party might be a little awkward! I still don't know what I wanna do for a costume, so let me know if you have any ideas! then a week later on the 28th I have a local party where I will know mostly everyone, and this is actually the one I'm more worried about, I have some, uh, "friends" who can be very mean spirited, especially when drunk, and I'm really hoping they don't call me out for my costume.

Thanks for reading, sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent a little!

Halloween is always fun! I don't think you will have much of an issue with your costumes, if you do, just act like it's a silly costume.

Maddie!!! Girl you got this!!! This is who you are it isn't a costume. You are a woman so dress in the clothes that make you feel like you. Be brave and don't let others dictate your mood and attitude. We give society to much control over our lives and it shouldn't be that way. You are living for you and you alone!!! I have faith in you that you can do this! You will get stares, looks and maybe some mean spirited comments, but who is this about them or us? I have found solace in knowing for myself this is who I am and I am not going to let people tell me what I can wear, what bathroom to use, or anything else. Am I going against the grain? Absolutely!!!! I wouldn't have it any other way. You will have to tune out all the negativity and let this moment be YOURS!!! Be brave and go forth a woman that is bold and herself!!!!

thanks for the responses!

so last night ended up going pretty well! I didn't need much help with my makeup and I had a fun time! The staff at the bowling alley wasn't judgemental at all, and the woman at the shoe rental counter was very welcoming and sweet, she called me honey and sweetie a few times! no issues with the waiter after when we got food at their restaurant either. this place just opened this year and it's pretty modern with a young staff, they even have a family restroom I could have used! I would definitely go back again! I feel like I did get a few people starting at me a little bit but it didn't seem to be hateful, they seemed confused lol. oh well, I just put my head down and didn't make eye contact and I had a great time with my friends!

Congratulations on getting out the door. However in the future, make eye contact and behave as if nothing unusual is happening. People will see doubt quickly but if you look like you belong, they will question their judgement. Boldness and self assurance will quickly stop any attempt to examine you closely.

Maddie good for you girl!!!!! Yes, like mentioned before don't avoid contact be confident. You will get stares and looks let them look!!!! That shouldn't prevent you from being you and doing what you feel enhances your life!!!! Keep growing and striving for more!

Dena beat me to it again with her perfect comment.
a) no girl looks down to the floor. Look to the eyes, smile and slightly raise your chin. You aren't doing anything wrong, nothing to be ashamed. Don't act like you do.

b) you should get used to going to the ladies room. Trans-women are not men in dress, they are women. As such - you belong to the room with a dress sign, not the one with the pants.

Responding back to the topic... Nervous people are nervous because they know they do something wrong. It attracts attention. Imagine if someone is stealing a lipstick in a supermarket (because he is so embarrassed), he acts nervous and is caught (btw true story and imagine consequences). Now, imagine the same person walks in to the cosmetic counter girl and asks advice which color suits him best, then thanks her, pick the lipstick, pays for it and goes... The only outcome here is a positively built relationship (true story too - those girls working in the store - loved to share their favorite brands with me) (oh btw - I don't steal, so the first true story isn't about me).


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks for the responses everyone! Yes, I do need to work on my confidence, but it's nothing new, I've always struggled with it! I've always been very shy and never liked making eye contact with anyone, even people I like lol! I'll keep this all in mind for next time!