So...my mother told me that nobody will love me (romantically) if I transition (I'm gay) . Is that true?

It's not possible to say if it's true or false because there is so much more involved in a relationship. I think it's very likely that there is somebody out there for you but like any relationship you will need to look for them.

Quote from: BarryA on October 14, 2017, 10:04:25 PM
So...my mother told me that nobody will love me (romantically) if I transition (I'm gay) . Is that true?

That is a question everyone runs into, trans or cis, straight or gay. Just think of all the movies with the leads sitting around at the start wondering if they'll ever find "the one".

For my part, I feel that if I were to shove all of this way back down into its hole, lock it up, and (attempt to) throw away the key, I could find a woman, maybe be truly in love, get married, and be relatively happy. And that sort of stacks up against that huge question on the other side of the transition equation, "if I live life as myself, as a transgender woman, will anyone accept me and love me?" Well, I've decided that, even if its harder (which really, who is to say it is?) I'd rather try to be happy and in love as the person I want to be, and take that risk, than go for the safe option and live with this hanging over my head (and potentially building up to a crescendo regardless). You have to make that judgment for yourself on your own, and you should try not to let fears placed in your mind by someone else overcome what you feel in your heart.

That is a possibility for anyone, gay, straight, cis or trans.  Chances are that someone will.  But none of us can say for sure.  Neither can your mother.

Quote from: BarryA on October 14, 2017, 10:04:25 PM
So...my mother told me that nobody will love me (romantically) if I transition (I'm gay) . Is that true?

No, and it's a pretty rotten thing to say.

Well... There is an amazingly great all around post-op woman in my group with a body any one of us would die for. One afternoon, naive me asked the group moderator when I was hanging out with her one afternoon; "I cannot believe X is not romantically involved with anyone?".

Her answer was plain and simple.... "It takes a special guy to go out with a trans-woman".

Yes, "Finding Love" is difficult for anyone. Cis, Trans, or elsewhere on various spectrums. If you think dealing with your own family and friends about your "choices".... Imagine what a lover's difficulties may be like?

Yet, I know there is hope. Just ask my wife, almost 30 years post-op and us together one way or another some 40 years. And a host of other lovers before and during me.

Quote from: BarryA on October 14, 2017, 10:04:25 PM
So...my mother told me that nobody will love me (romantically) if I transition (I'm gay) . Is that true?

I have two pansexual friends that we be completely blown away by what your mom said. The idea that anyone can't find love is just illogical. Only thing that can stop you from finding love is you. So just be you, and don't let anyone tell you can't find love!

Um...  The statistical odds vary pretty wildly with age, identification, and orientation.  No guarantees in life, I'm afraid.

I pretty much have one of the really short straws, according to the annual Pew Surveys on the LGBTQ community, but that is just me.
From the big 2013 survey baseline:

QuoteAmong LGB adults in committed relationships, 57% are in same-sex relationships, 40% are in opposite-sex relationships and 2% are in relationships with someone who is transgender.

I identify as a 64 year old woman, femme lesbian, with transgender origin.  This limits things quite a bit. 

Older lesbians are generally not desirable as dating partners.  There is also a bias against femme lesbians in the broader community.

In this region older lesbian meetups and social groups tend to be trans-exclusionary, often subtly.  At events I find that I am often introduced to and sort of nudged to the folks in one corner of the room, typically all bi or trans women.  There isn't any mingling between this corner and the rest of the room.  A few meetups have been... less subtle...    They're sort of toxic, and I generally avoid lesbian group events now.

As an older, femme, and trans person the odds are weighted strongly against me.  The statistics are very different for younger transwomen, and there is much more acceptance in the younger lesbian community.   There are a lot of issues and misconceptions in the older lesbian population that have vanished with the youth of today, fortunately.

I do know a number of lesbian ciswomen, from church and local broader LGBTQ organization activities, and we do quite a few activities together.   I am quite firmly in the "friend zone" with them.  Some have been explicit about this, although "You're different!" is of course part of the friending.

In my age range most of the lesbian transwomen are paired off together, or are just not interested.

I realize this is my problem, my fault for being what I am, and I could probably change the odds by just changing enough about myself.  Of course, then I wouldn't really be my authentic self, now would I?

Just be aware that the odds are different for different people.


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Quote from: BarryA on October 14, 2017, 10:04:25 PM
So...my mother told me that nobody will love me (romantically) if I transition (I'm gay) . Is that true?

It doesn't matter if what she said is true or not, what matters is if YOU think it is. What I mean to say is, if you think she's wrong you'll set out to prove her as such. The same goes for if you think she's right, you'll set out to make yourself lonely and miserable.

That's just my take, personal experience has taught me not to put much stock in what one's own mother says.