Well like the title suggests I'm majorly confused. A while ago I "realized" that I'm not really male. Though at that point I thought I was androgynous. Then after a little thought I came to the conclusion that perhaps I'm not androgynous either, I'm female. Currently I'm totally confused to the point that I think that perhaps my mind has just been making things up and I'm just a normal guy with an over active imagination.

Now I have no idea what questions to ask as, well, I'm confused. But I guess yeah, I could tell you about a couple of things, though perhaps you can ask me about it? I'm sorry about doing it like this, but I really have no idea how else to do it. I'm pretty much open to whatever, (or I try to be) so I'm not ruling out that I'm just a guy or that I'm andro, I'm just mostly trying to get some direction.

Well, my first advice is to check out the wiki, it has lots of good information and advice. On top of that, I would suggest talking to a professional, as they are the ones qualified to help and diagnose you.

I also would recommend looking around the boards, we have lots of interesting topics going on, and they might be able to help you as well. Welcome to the board!

Heyas there,

First off, everyone is going to recommend that you go see a gender therapist, so if you can that might be a really helpful start for you.  Other than that, I mean it takes some time to realize these things and come to a real conclusion.  Just give yourself some time.  I'm sure others will give you a lot better of advice, but I'm slacking for tonight.  Good luck, and just take some time and try to work things through.  Therapy is really good for that, and it's a great first step too.   

Hmmmmm. I though I was already in a thread where someone was discussing this same topic. Anyway Little_Kid welcome to Susan's and I do hope you find the answers to no doubt the many questions you want to ask. As Angel suggested take a look around at other threads and check out the Wiki. And of course make an appointment to see a therapist.

Cindy

Thanks, well the specifically gender therapist might be a problem, but I am kinda going to a T, but I need to find a new one. (especially since this one just kinda made things worse) I'll check the wiki, have been reading up on it on other places as well but I kinda forgot about the wiki.

Cindy yes there is another thread that is pretty much the same. I have a very similar one in the androgyne forum thingy, but I just thought I'd see what people here have to say considering that I've pretty much not really a clue and well I thought it might be helpful to see what people here has to say.

Hi Little_Kid.
Thanks I thought I was starting to hallucinate or something, but I don't have hallucinations, I just love getting lost in fantasy and imagination at times. To much reality could be detrimental to my health. Well I can't see anything wrong with checking out both sides of the same beast. Hon all jokes aside I really do hope you find the answers to the gender puzzle. Just don't be afraid to touch the innerself, get to know who resides within.  Take your time and choose well what ever comes from the heart, let your feelings and emotions coalesce within. For some it takes much strength and contemplation for one to cross over to the other side of the bridge. The journey of heroes.

Cindy

Yeah, getting lost in imagination is totally fun, haven't done it much lately but it's been kinda the thing that kept me going through the years. Though I usually worry that I get too little reality. Thanks, I'll try to look within, though I'm usually not really sure if what I'm doing is indeed that, just kinda hope. Though something else, do you (you meaning anybody who would like to answer) think that it's a good idea to kinda change clothing styles and mannerisms and stuff to see if that helps with figuring things out?

Hi Little_Kid
OK now that I know you like doing the imagination thing. Here is an idea that may help. When I was living alone well before I knew what the word transsexual meant I use to do some playacting even going as far as using curtains of different colors to decorate my living room. My living room became my stage to act upon. I would dress up as different characters and play act their roll. I used different styles of clothes that could like a frontiersman in the wilds to a clown and as a lady in flowing gown being escorted to the ball by a distinguished well to do gentleman. I always loved play acting from all the way back when I was a little kid.

Cindy

Thanks I think I'll try it. In the very least it could be huge amounts of fun. : D

Gender is a social construct, as all social constructs its made to be played with, just be careful where your playground is located.

Quote from: The_Little_Kid on February 24, 2008, 03:33:46 AM
I'm just a normal guy with an over active imagination.

this is what i thought (in fact i think my first post may have included that phrase)... What I did was try the different things on. Go for a week 'being a girl' - don't need to say anything. Just decide that you are a girl, feel the way things are as a girl for you.

Then try 'being a guy' indulge in your masculine side, be manly.

Then decide you are andro, mix and match....

Try and work out which felt natural and which was an act (and also which was fun....I am andro, but sometime it's fun to be a man or woman)

Thanks for the replies everybody.

Well here's where I'm at at the moment. I have pretty much figured out the "what" part, but I have no idea how to proceed from here. Now there's a couple of things that might hamper that part. First it's not like I really have any role models, I'm from a family of four boys. I can't really go out as I get a little anxious. (ok I guess it's more than a little, I don't actually leave my room) And well I don't have any idea how to proceed from here. It would have very helpful if I had the support of my parents, though I don't actually have that at the moment.

Posted on: February 29, 2008, 11:00:43 AM

---

Well a kinda update thingy. I've obviously thought a lot about the whole issue, and the more I think about it the more I dislike my body and being a guy and the more it seems like I always have but just though it was normal. (though at the moment it's not just "man I wish I was a girl" it's more like I really really dislike my body) I've kinda started to realize (bit by bit) that I've never really liked the idea of being a guy. But I want to take it slow-ish as I don't want to make a mistake with this. How do I slow down!?!?!? It's just too overwhelming, I mean always I've been like "this is normal" or some of the things I thought wasn't normal but I didn't think those things too much did I? And the other things was just like "interesting" and some of the other things I convinced myself that I really don't want to be female, I mean they "can't think rationally", "are weak" etc. (yeah I'm really ashamed to admit that there have been days where I thought that, though it was kinda more to semi-consciously convince myself that I really don't want to be female) But now it's kinda hitting me in the face like a bullet train to which I don't have a ticket. So how do I slow down?

Hi Little Kid,

I may be a little late with some advice but here goes.

Someone once asked me this, "If you had a magic wand to change things, what would you do?" Without question I said, "I would wake up one morning and I would be a woman." That said it all to me.

Another scenario, "If you were to pack your bags and leave home what would the most important things that you would take?" I said, "My laptop, my female clothes, and my hobby stuff." Again that spoke volumes. No male stuff, well, maybe my laptop, but I need that for my work, and that's my excuse, lol.

hugs

Nigella

Hi Tekla I do so agree with your post.

Hi The_Little_Kid I do have the knowledge of meditating and touching oneself. So if anyone is interested I can type something out in the Empath's and Empathy in the spiritual thread. Though the initial contact may be quite and literally shocking.

Magic? it just depends on how deep one would care to go into the metaphysical realm. This could be any where one is able to manifest their own fantasies, dreams or wishes. Science, faiths/religions and magic Power of the Sacred  Feminine the bearer of all life, all are very much realcities unto themselves. The realm of all levels realities are quite real with only a very fine thread or veil separating them and then only in this finite restricted reality whose very fabric space and light created time and all are illusion . Sorry for straying off topic.

Cindy

@Nigella: I like the idea of a magic wand, though it kinda depends on how many times you can use it. If you can use it only once (and you forget all my "negative" ideas of what should happen) I'd use it to gain an infinite amount of knowledge, and the first thing that I'll do is I'll take my friends pain away. (I would have just taken it away with the wand, but then if they get hurt again I can't do it again)

As for what I'll pack, I'll definitely pack my computers my books and my (three) knives. (I'm a bit of a knife enthusiast, I'm going on a forging course a little later this year ) As for other things, I only have guy cloths, and I don't really have anything else that belongs to me.

@Cindy: Really? I've been having sooo much problems with meditation and stuff, and I want to work on my "psychic" abilities, but I'm having the same problems with that as I'm having with the meditation. (and well everything else for that matter) But enough of that, can you explain a little more about what you meant with "initial contact"? I didn't even know this place had a spiritual thread thingy.

No worries about the topic, that can wait a while.

Hi Little_Kid
First off, this power does not come from an object, although one can use an object as a focal point to concentrate the energy to or used as a conduit to send the energy through in this reality. The power within being the thread which connects us all as one within the infinite spheres of the multi universal consciousness or, Higher Power of your understanding, if you may.

Just need a change of panties and your night gown, everything else the multiverses verses will be supplied to you by the light beings or guides. Knives? Well weapons are not necessary but if you carry them as charms or as symbols then by all means bring them along. The computers are fine if you wish to enter data that you may desire to have for referencing when you come back to the real world as we see it. The realm of the Angels never sleeps, there are colors there hat has not even been detected and classified or categorized in this realm in time and space. Psychic abilities? but certainly, anyone can activate these abilities which are in all of us. Only needs to open their minds and heart to the fact that we are all created just a little less then the angels. Growth of consciousness and believing, you can be the conduit for these energies.

                                       Welcome to my world of fantasy. )

I know maybe I am getting a little to deep here, but yes I could teach anyone how to meditate and get in touch with the innerself, which is what we had originally started to explore and attain. Many other channels can be accessed from this method, and we all have this potentiality to touch these channels such as PSY clairvoyance clairaudience and clairsentient, telekinesis  etc are all accessible through the metaphysical realm. All that one need do first is learn how to meditate which is not as hard as some may think it is.

Cindy

Oh yeah I know that, (I have done a bit of reading on things) there's a lot of theories about where the power comes from, but my favorite one is that everything has it, the only difference is that living creatures can manipulate it to a greater or lesser extent. (apart from magic I'm very much in favor of "psionics" as a way of explaining things, but I don't really know that much about all this just what I picked up)

Well I don't see knives as weapons, any more than a pen is a weapon. If you want a weapon use your hands. No knives are just beautiful works of art, (not all but some) and if the craftsperson really put their soul into making the piece it kinda becomes alive. (at least that's how I see things) Well the computers, I'm a bit of a computer geek so my computers are rather important to me. (and it's easier to be who I want to be if I don't have to talk or something) Yeah I know that as well, but to get it to "competent" enough levels so that it could actually be of some use (and not just merely a chance feeling) you have to practice it, and that's where I'm having a hell of a lot of trouble. (that's something I want to change really badly, I don't want to have trouble doing what I love, I want to just be able to do it)

Well I know exactly what I want to be able to do, I've thought about it a lot, but yeah having trouble with it. Yeah, I guess meditation isn't that hard to learn, but to actually put in practice is a little difficult. I'm umm, call it a little distractable, so clearing my mind is hard to do, then on the other hand focusing on something is also difficult, and just letting my thoughts run their own course, well I do it most of the time anyway so I don't think that'll be much use.

Hi as for the knives that would be entirely your choice and how you think/feel about these knives and what they represent to you. In the next realm there is no good or bad, right or wrong, no positive or negative, all is in balance or harmony within the spheres of all the multiverses. black and white becomes moot. In this realm your light essence has no identity, no gender, unless you desire to have a gender. I am no ones judge and can only be a guide to those who wish to undertake this journey, which actually is a continuation of this journey which we are on here and now, and possibly many others previous lives to this one

I learned how to meditate using the same method that I have so many times before through my life *imagination* Envisioning.

Cindy 

Can you help me with it?

Ok, but what do you imagine?

"Currently I'm totally confused to the point that I think that perhaps my mind has just been making things up and I'm just a normal guy with an over active imagination."

Ok, I am new to this forum (My first post) and 5 weeks ago I discovered a reason for my self abuse problem. I thought just like this post that I was just "a normal guy with an over active imagination". Since I was around 6 years old I have been trying to destroy my male genitals. I never knew why (thought I was a degenerate) and I am in therapy now as I think I have actually hurt myself down there. I have an appointment next week to check things out.
I really believe that I am a woman stuck inside a male body. I have always hated my maleness. I always thought I was crazy but after reading this forum, I now am beginning to understand what I need to do. I am not attracted to men as a male but for some weird reason I want to completely make love to a man as a woman. I want strong arms around me and to feel the feeling of being made love to as a woman. It is a strange way to think but it makes sense that I am really a heterosexual woman and need to adjust the physical side of me to match the mental. One reply spoke of "what would you do if you had a magic wand" – well, I know I would change in a moment. God, I would love to be a woman and this need is becoming stronger and stronger everyday. I was thinking in terms of what if the money for a full transformation weren't the issue? Answer - I'd change in a heartbeat. I guess I have my answer finally at 54 years of age. I feel cheated of all those years that could have been spent as the woman I really was instead of this confused male who did not know what to do with himself.