Hello everyone,

I am new to this forum.  I like to be called Sarah, if you don't mind.

Although physically speaking, my gender is male, over many years (I'm in my early '20's), I have had this feeling of both intense attraction towards women, but also a desire to live in their bodies, meaning that I wish I could just be born the way they were, if you know what I mean.

I've long had this somewhat vague image of this female individual in my mind, of how I want to look like her and to be her.

I'm also highly uncomfortable with many expectations of my physical gender role.  I find it very uncomfortable attempting to relate to women as a "man."  And I have typically always desired female friends over male friends.

I subscribe to online therapy, and tonight was the first night that I've told her about these feelings, and she was naturally very accepting, but did tell me to do research as the first step.

So, I was wondering, if anyone could please help me with identifying my feelings and help me to decide if it really is a case that my body doesn't match up with my brain, and who could also help me with other questions that I have.

I would greatly appreciate this.

Thank you!

Welcome to Susan's Place. That is a question I see often from new members and you can start with a couple of links that I have. The first is our WIKI where you will learn about the word transgender. The second link is "the transition channel" where you will be able to explore your feelings.

After that, you options include asking us additional questions and exploring your feelings by presenting as your desired gender. We have over 10 years of posting so there is much to explore and if you are unable to find something ask. This includes question about refining your image, presenting and medical treatment.

Take your time as there is much for you to learn.

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 Hi Sarah,

  I am Laurie, I am also mtf and am taking HRT under a doctors care along with getting help with my gender issues from a gender therapist. I have long had similar feeling and thought as you have. It is quite common in the transgender community. Is your therapist by any chance a gender therapist? Or if not are they trained to help patients that has gender problems? A gender therapist can help you find answers to the questions you have through exploring them with you. But only you can tell if you are in fact transgender.
  I am 64 and I used to think that all I needed to do was to crossdress. It was something I needed to do and that I had discovered I could not stop.But there was always a wish I could stay dressed and be a woman.  Not long ago, almost a year now, I discovered that I was actually trans and I took steps to become the woman I had always felt a need to be. I began HRT and gender therapy. I now live full time as a woman. I don't pass and I'm a work in progress but I am finally living my life as I feel is right for me.
   I hope you discover the path that is right for you.

Laurie
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Sarah,. First congratulations for talking to a therapist in your 20s.  It took me 50+ years and I felt just like you.  I wasn't unhappy about being assigned male at birth (a.m.a.b) after all the genitals are the only hint the adults in the room have.  So since by law a gender needs to be put on the birth certificate they go with that.  Unfortunately for some of us it's not right.

I too had a female image of myself and always wanted that shape, sound, social network.   But since I didn't hate my male charade I didn't do anything about it.  I got married, raised a family, then in one month, wham.  I could think of nothing else.  Three jealousy/envy I felt towards 1/2 the population was totally uncontrollable.

Exactly two years later I am Denise and the comment I got today from a co-worker was that they had never seen me happier.

BUT like cleaning out the garage, you have to make a big mess on your years first.  It is, at times, a painful, mentally, process.  Some people never transition. Since take 10 or more years while I did most of my transition in 2.

Excluding the days when my kids were born and my wedding day I've never been happier.  I feel normal, revitalized and authentic.

You are not alone and you are among friends here.

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Quote from: Dena on October 19, 2017, 11:22:44 PM
Welcome to Susan's Place. That is a question I see often from new members and you can start with a couple of links that I have. The first is our WIKI where you will learn about the word transgender. The second link is "the transition channel" where you will be able to explore your feelings.

After that, you options include asking us additional questions and exploring your feelings by presenting as your desired gender. We have over 10 years of posting so there is much to explore and if you are unable to find something ask. This includes question about refining your image, presenting and medical treatment.

Take your time as there is much for you to learn.

Things that you should read

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Hi Dena, how are you?

I want to thank you and everyone else who responded to my question(s) about this process.  I watched a few of the videos on the Youtube channel you sent me in the link, and I felt I could relate to alot of it, particularly when she was talking about subtle things that I find wrong about my body, and the mental alternative that comes up for me as to how I would like my body to look in reality. 

I'm still not entirely sure, but I'm definitely more than suspicious that I could possibly have a biological mismatch, between my body and brain. 

I'm just not sure if I should go ahead with this.  If these feelings are genuine (which I hope they are), then the logical next step for me would be to seek hormone therapy to help me transition.  But, obviously, if I kept on the treatment for at least a few months, there would start to appear physical differences, no?  I'm terrified of this, of coming out to my family, to everyone around me.  Also, how would society judge me?  I have fears related to that, too.

I mean, I've already replaced two of my e-mail addresses with my name, Sarah, but so far that's about it.  The speaker in the videos also recommended as a first hidden step to paint one's toenails for instance, but I'm not really into painting my nails, and for arm deodorant I just wear plain unscented deodorant.  So I have a very plain sense of fashion!   But that's just me, my personal preference.

So, I'm not really too sure about what should be my next step...do you and/or anyone else have any suggestions for me?

Depending on how far you want to go, you could purchase a few items of inexpensive feminine clothing, attend a makeup session, start growing your hair out, learn how to speak in a feminine voice, work on removing your beard or maybe something as simple as shaving your legs. Of the above items, growing hair, voice and beard all require a long time and if you think you want to transition, they should be started as soon as possible.

We all experience fear when we come out. I first came out to my mother and she told my father. I was a bundle of nerves when I did it and after it was over, my stomach was tied in a knot and I couldn't eat for three days after that. The second most terrifying event was the first time I stepped out of my apartment as myself. The good news is after you do it the first time it get much easer. Pick something and if you have questions, there is a sub forum for it or ask questions. We are happy to pass what we learned to the next generation.

Hello Sarah! How are you doing girl? If you're not sure about how you feel, there are lots of non permanent things you can try. Put makeup on. People shouldn't notice light makeup. Shape your eyebrows. They'll grow back in a few weeks. Try Crossdressing for example. Get some female clothes that fit you, breastforms or a bra, learn how to tug. Do you like what you see? Do you feel comfortable looking that way? Would you like to live that way instead of it being just a momentary "character"? Do you like being treated here as a woman? That should help you understand your feelings better.

Keep in mind that light hormonation won't have very apparent changes, they'll be more visible to you, and it will have great mental effects.

Quote from: Lady Lisandra on October 20, 2017, 04:48:08 AM
Hello Sarah! How are you doing girl? If you're not sure about how you feel, there are lots of non permanent things you can try. Put makeup on. People shouldn't notice light makeup. Shape your eyebrows. They'll grow back in a few weeks. Try Crossdressing for example. Get some female clothes that fit you, breastforms or a bra, learn how to tug. Do you like what you see? Do you feel comfortable looking that way? Would you like to live that way instead of it being just a momentary "character"? Do you like being treated here as a woman? That should help you understand your feelings better.

Keep in mind that light hormonation won't have very apparent changes, they'll be more visible to you, and it will have great mental effects.

Hey Lisandra!  I'm doing ok, thanks for asking!  How are you doing?

Yes, I do like being called Sarah, here on this forum and elsewhere.  I dress very plainly and not overly in a masculine sense currently.  If my feelings are genuine and if I actually physically went to my true gender, female, then I'd probably not really be into makeup and probably just wear jeans or regular shorts for females, with maybe like a casual shirt to go along with it.  I know this stands out from most other women!

So, if I go with light hormone therapy, others, including my family won't really notice a difference physically about me?  My insurance will have to pay for this, but it comes through my father, and even though I don't speak to him, I'm afraid he'll see that I'm undergoing hormone therapy and then he will freak out...

Also, who should I see for this hormone therapy?  And, most importantly, what do I need in order to start hormone therapy? 

Maybe I could also try growing out my hair longer, but my hair tends to grow out, so maybe I would have to see a hair specialist about this, as I want my hair to be probably shoulder length and straight.

Hi Sarah, welcome to Susans, and the Sarah club!    You've come to the best place on the internet for help with this.
Yes, congrats on bringing this up with your therapist while so young. It took me until 42 to finally accept that I was truly a woman (I'd realized it over 10 years ago, but was too afraid to do anything about it!).

On the subject of HRT (hormone replacement therapy), how it generally works is a gender therapist will write you a letter to give to a doctor (usually an endocrinologist) stating that you suffer from what's known as gender dysphoria. They examine your current hormone levels & give you a prescription based on that & where exactly you want to go with it. Not everyone transitions completely, and some people have found a happy medium as non-binary (identifying as neither male nor female).

This site is a wealth of information, and of course support! Check through some of the forums, particularly the Transitioning sub-forums, as these can give you an idea of what can be done & what to expect. Oh, and the Wiki, too!

That's fine. You don't have to be a girly or extremely feminine woman. Just be yourself.

I am on full hormone therapy. In my case, it took about 7-8 months until visible changes happened. If you decide to try light therapy, it will take even longer. So probable you'll have enough time until your family notices anything. That is unless you enjoy parading naked in front of your family members, which I assume you don't.

You should see a gender therapist. They'll help you sort everything out, and give you advice on the medical part, like where to get the hormones.

Always keep in mind that being trans doesn't mean you have to be 100% female. There are lots of things in between male and female, like androgynes, queers, crossdressers...

Quote from: Sarah_P on October 20, 2017, 01:01:26 PM
Hi Sarah, welcome to Susans, and the Sarah club!    You've come to the best place on the internet for help with this.
Yes, congrats on bringing this up with your therapist while so young. It took me until 42 to finally accept that I was truly a woman (I'd realized it over 10 years ago, but was too afraid to do anything about it!).

On the subject of HRT (hormone replacement therapy), how it generally works is a gender therapist will write you a letter to give to a doctor (usually an endocrinologist) stating that you suffer from what's known as gender dysphoria. They examine your current hormone levels & give you a prescription based on that & where exactly you want to go with it. Not everyone transitions completely, and some people have found a happy medium as non-binary (identifying as neither male nor female).

This site is a wealth of information, and of course support! Check through some of the forums, particularly the Transitioning sub-forums, as these can give you an idea of what can be done & what to expect. Oh, and the Wiki, too!

Hey Sarah!  We have the same name!  Thank you so much for your very kind response, I think I will check out the Wiki especially.  I am currently also working with a therapist who provided me with a list of names of gender psychologists in my local area, just to confirm things for me so then more progress can be made probably with regards to transitioning and so forth.

You're a very nice person!  I'm glad to meet you!

Quote from: Lady Lisandra on October 20, 2017, 01:05:49 PM
That's fine. You don't have to be a girly or extremely feminine woman. Just be yourself.

I am on full hormone therapy. In my case, it took about 7-8 months until visible changes happened. If you decide to try light therapy, it will take even longer. So probable you'll have enough time until your family notices anything. That is unless you enjoy parading naked in front of your family members, which I assume you don't.

You should see a gender therapist. They'll help you sort everything out, and give you advice on the medical part, like where to get the hormones.

Always keep in mind that being trans doesn't mean you have to be 100% female. There are lots of things in between male and female, like androgynes, queers, crossdressers...

Thanks for your support, Lisandra.  I greatly appreciate it. 

No, I don't parade naked in front of my family, haha.  I think maybe light hormonal therapy might be better for me, but it really depends.

This Monday, I'm going to call a local gender therapist just to confirm for myself, and then maybe I can start contemplating hormonal therapy.

I'm so glad to have the support of you and others on this forum

Hi Sarah i'm Danni, welcome to the forum. Seeing a gender therapist will certainly help alot and if you decide you are transgender just remember there is no right way to be woman, do whatever makes you comfortable. [emoji6]

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A great first step is to live life as an openly feminine male. No name or pronoun changes, just choose to dress feminine and wear makeup but still be a man and see if that is enough. Sometimes gender roles are so restrictive we think that the only way to do the things we want is to BE the opposite sex, but really all we need to do is be fearless in how we express ourselves.

Transitioning depends on how deep the discomfort goes and how disconnected from your sexed body you feel.