Hey all. I know I haven't been her much lately, life has been C-R-A-Z-Y these last couple months and something had to give. I wanted to pop in however because a couple people had asked me about my full-time date that was set for November 1.
Well yes indeed, I am now full time as my authentic self. My very last act of presenting as male to the world was last Sunday when I refereed a men's college soccer tournament game. It was my last game of the season and I made sure to take a picture at the end to document my very last moment as him.
Three days before that, I had a very exciting opportunity. I had been asked to speed at a two day conference that was being held in Chicago. About 3 weeks before the event, I contacted the organizers to see if materials had been printed and, if not, to see if they could change my name to Alyssa and I would present as such. I was able to get everything changed and that Thursday was my first time presenting authentically in my professional life. It was amazing. The room was packed for my session, people were totally respectful and asked lots of good questions. I also ran into a woman I know from past conferences who thought I looked familiar but couldn't place me. I showed her a picture from Facebook of what I looked like last year and she remembered me. She was very excited for me and super friendly.
The next day was huge. That Friday @ 11:00 was the court hearing for my name change. It was a nerve wracking day. Normally, name changes are pretty automatic, however I had decided to petition for a confidential change meaning that I did not have to publish a notice in the newspaper and the court records and my birth certificate would be sealed if the change was granted. In Wisconsin, in order to get a confidential change, you have to prove that publishing the notice could endanger your safety. So on my petition I attached a short paragraph stating how publishing the notice would announce to complete strangers that I was transgender and thereby possibly open me up to threats, harassment or even violence.
Like I do with these things though, I overthought it and started getting worried that maybe the judge wouldn't approve it. So the night before, I spent a few hours building up an arsenal of evidence, including a written statement from me, that covered all the details of violence against trans people and threats I have already received. I had a trans friend of mine who had been through this same process, and my mother accompany me to the hearing that day. As it turned out, all my prep work was for naught. The judge walked in and after he read the details of the case for the court record, he announced that he'd be approving my request. But first I had to take the stand. I was sworn in, he asked me a few questions to confirm my identity, my reason for the name change (which he cited simply as "personal reasons" to keep the transgender information out of the court records) and confirmed that I wasn't trying to evade debt or hide a criminal record. After those questions, at 11:04AM, he signed the order and I legally became Alyssa!!
So immediately from court, we had to go to the clerk of courts office to get copies of the court order (once it's sealed, I need another court order to get more certified copies) and to complete the paperwork for changing my birth certificate (name only, gender requires bottom surgery in Wisconsin). While we were there waiting for them to process the paperwork, my mom came up to me and handed me her ring. It is a gorgeous opal ring. She told me she wanted me to have it because it's the October birthstone so it would commemorate my "rebirth". Tears were flowing and I told her that was quite possibly the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.
After the three of us grabbed lunch, we were off to the Social Security office. I have the letter from my doctor to change my gender, so I am now officially recognized by the US government as Alyssa Jean, a female. The next day I was able to change my driver's license (name and gender) and this past week I also made the change to my passport.
It's been an interesting experience working through all this name change stuff. I'm surprised how many companies have very sloppy or ad-hoc processes for handling this. I also discovered that TSA pre-check takes up to 3 MONTHS to get updated!!! That's going to suck for a while.
Today was a big day. My best friend came over last night and we sorted through all my male clothes. I kept a few items, gave some to my boys and the rest got packed into a box. This morning, we took that box (about 80lbs) over to the local St. Vincent De Paul store and donated those clothes. It was bittersweet but ultimately very freeing and exciting.
So I'm as full-time as full-time can be. People at work have been great. We're in the process of being acquired by a larger company and much to my excitement, I discovered they have a formal transition policy and are totally TG friendly. They made the necessary arrangements to ensure that when the acquisition closes (in the next few days hopefully) that all their systems will immediately have me listed as Alyssa so we won't have to do a conversion from my old to new name.
Things are moving so crazy fast right now, sometimes I feel like I need to just sit and take a breather. But it's exciting and it'll all be worth it in the end. I'm cherishing every minute of this!!
