Well, today is another down day.  I left to work out of town, and my soon to be ex is out looking for an apartment for her.  We discussed the dog, and I get to keep her, which isn't as good a thing as you'd think, she likes my wife more than she does me, so I'm going to get a depressed dog, with lots of allergies, and several cysts that we haven't been able to afford removing.

We are supposed to remain in contact, but who know how that will work out.  Being further away from her makes me feel worse.

I'm sure this up/down emotional swings won't last for ever, but right now they're kicking my butt.

Quote from: Artesia on November 03, 2017, 03:42:28 PM

I'm sure this up/down emotional swings won't last for ever, but right now they're kicking my butt.

Hey Artesia!

I'm sorry you are still feeling the painful side of the changes to your closest relationship but it heartens me to see that you recognize that time will bring healing!.... Stay strong and take good care of yourself!... All will be well

Hugs!!!

A

Quote from: tgirlamc on November 03, 2017, 09:18:44 PM
Hey Artesia!

I'm sorry you are still feeling the painful side of the changes to your closest relationship but it heartens me to see that you recognize that time will bring healing!.... Stay strong and take good care of yourself!... All will be well

Hugs!!!

A

Thank you.  It's only been a couple days, so I'm sure it will take a while.  We've been together for 16 years.  That's a lot of togetherness to lose.

I'm, typically, a logic person.  She brought out the emotional side.  She made me better.

Now, I have to navigate life without her support.

It's going to be hard.

I had a wonderful 17 year relationship with a very special woman... We are still the best of friends and she was my maid of honor when I married my husband... Things will always be different between you two but the relationship may endure and adapt in beautiful and unexpected ways!!!

Onward we go sister!

Ashley

I don't understand it....She is leaving me, but she still tells me she loves me.  She still wants the hugs, and wants me to tell her I love her too.  She wants me to live close to her.  I'm at a loss about what to do, and how to react.

So....Yeah.....We talked on the phone today after work.  I am working out of town, again.  Today she said that we may end up staying together because she can't find a low income apartment available for a single person.  Don't get me wrong, I want her to stay with me, but I don't want it to be because circumstances made it be that way.  I want her to choose me.  What I wonder, is if it is her way to change her mind, and not look like she was changing her mind.

Then, to make matters worse, I accepted a request to go on a date.*  My wife kept saying, "if you find someone, go see what happens."  Is it cheating to do this?  I haven't told her about the date yet, but I will before I go out on it.  The girl who asked me out on the date, knows that I am still married, and that I have reservations about dating this soon.  She said she understands, and that we'll see what happens.

*She asked for a date with Claire, and she is one of the few people who immediately changed what she called me, and my pronouns, when I came out to her.  We work at the same facility, and had a good working relationship, and it became more friendly after I began to transition, and even more so since I stopped being a manager.

Quote from: Artesia on November 09, 2017, 01:23:10 PM
Then, to make matters worse, I accepted a request to go on a date.*  My wife kept saying, "if you find someone, go see what happens."  Is it cheating to do this?  I haven't told her about the date yet, but I will before I go out on it.  The girl who asked me out on the date, knows that I am still married, and that I have reservations about dating this soon.  She said she understands, and that we'll see what happens.

Well if your wife said she's fine with you dating I think you should try. I wouldn't really tell her anything unless it actually evolves to something serious, since it can make things unnecessarily awkward.

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on November 09, 2017, 02:11:33 PM
Well if your wife said she's fine with you dating I think you should try. I wouldn't really tell her anything unless it actually evolves to something serious, since it can make things unnecessarily awkward.

I don't think we can make this any less unnecessarily awkward.  Living with my parents, she is (maybe) leaving me, and we sleep in the same bed because it is the only one available.

Hey Artesia!

It sounds like you have a lot to navigate here but as hard as it may be to make the "correct" choice or choose the "correct" path... I want you to rejoice in the fact that these are choices born through the building of a new life,... a life truly your own... all will be well ...for all decisions at this point... lead to Claire

Enjoy every moment sister!... even the hard ones!... Onward we go brave sister

Hugs!!!

Ashley ❤️🌻😀

Hello.

This may sound bad. I am speaking to you from the "staying with wife". I really want you to know that staying together is not roses. I have a wonderful friend but I am lonely now. I have no way to have a future I have to get a divorce to be able to move on with my life. I am trapped in a loveless marriage. So please think before you choose to stay if someone has a chance. It is hell. Imagine not having a way to express how much you love someone.

Jennifer

Sent from my Z983 using Tapatalk

Hi Artesia,

I feel your pain it must be hard but you must remember that even in a relationship with somebody it is you that makes you happy! You must love this woman dearly but love is blind and that's why it hurts because love can't see why things have to change. Some say it's an emotion but I don't think it is because emotions are breaf triggered moments of changes in feeling that aley in time. Love is different, it doesn't die or ware off you have to either change it or destroy it. I know it's hard to love somebody as a friend after being with them that's why so many people destroy the love with negativity just to get over it but you should show your true rainbow colours and be happy for yourself and be happy for your wife as after all you are here, alive breathing the air of this day and each day has the chance to be the best day of your life. It might not seem like it now but you will make you happy again your good at it you got through your life to here remember!

Warm hugs.

Jenx

Hey there, kiddo- I am really sorry to hear what you are going through, as it is too common an occurrence.  From what I understand, the split-up is amicable, so that is a good thing.  I do not remember reading about any kids, and if that is indeed the case, that is a good thing as well. 

I am not going to bore you with any philosophy lessons right now.  You are going to hurt, and it is not going to go away overnight.  Just remember that while you may be feeling devastating sorrow at the present time, that sorrow and hurt will only make you stronger and in fact wiser.  Remember that each day you hurt is a day closer to healing.

Also, remember that you have all of us over here; so you have someone to talk to, even if it is just to vent. 

Meeting someone new?  Nothing wrong with that, so long as it is in a public place and there are no intentions for anything but the date, you should be fine.  I have seen a lot of cheating, and experienced it over the years; trust me, you are not cheating.  There have to be boundaries this early on, and those boundaries need to be respected (especially yours). 

You are in a good position though, as at least your wife wants to stay friends.  You can still love each other and care for each other even if you are not married;  sounds like she is willing to be a girlfriend; Stay close, and maybe go out and do some shopping with her for clothes, make-up, whatever.  I mean, you never know. 

Nothing but positive thoughts for you, sweetie and stay safe  :-)

M

Arrived home today.....got pounced on by my wife, a 5 minute long hug, then several more throughout the rest of the day.  She has been pretty klingy.  I've been gone for 10 days, and spoke with her most days on the phone, as well as via text/messenger.  Had to finish homework, and she is waiting up for me to come to bed.....and we're going to sleep under the same covers tonight, her decision, something we haven't done in years.


For my upcoming date....she is aware of my situation with my wife.  She is also the nice young lady I'm with in the photo in the "you look fabulous darling" thread.  She decided that for our date she is getting my ears pierced for me.  The date is Wednesday Nov 15.

Couldn't stand not telling her about accepting the date.  I was feeling real guilty for accepting it.  We both have been cheated on, and neither of us wanted to do that to the other.  So I told her about the date.  She was happy that someone asked...she told me to make sure I kiss her at the end of the date.  She asked me about her, so I told her.  She wants to meet her to make sure she'll be good for me.  Told me to tell her that my wife plans on being a part of my life, just not romantically.  Apparently, what she has been doing is how she treated her friends when she was younger.

This is my first separation/break up, that hasn't resulted in us never seeing each other again.  It's completely new territory for me.  I have so much to learn.

How do I change the title?  This no longer applies...maybe it should be: "Navigating the changes in a relationship"

Artesia!

Dear sister... So happy to see the pain of change falling away and being replaced with new doors of possibility opening for you!!! Life is truly an amazing ride and it seems you are coming to see that your life can be navigated as you see fit... Our connections may change but love and caring endures and adapts!!!

I am happy and excited for you!!!... Your life awaits and you my dear sister hold the steering wheel...

Onward we go...

Ashley

Quote from: Artesia on November 14, 2017, 05:27:16 PM
How do I change the title?  This no longer applies...maybe it should be: "Navigating the changes in a relationship"

You can report the first post with your request and a moderator will retitle the thread for you. It's relatively easy to retitle the entire thread if that's what you desire.

Quote from: Dena on November 14, 2017, 08:05:23 PM
You can report the first post with your request and a moderator will retitle the thread for you. It's relatively easy to retitle the entire thread if that's what you desire.

Thank you Dena!  I think it would be easier for people who are also having this change to find, and possibly help, in the future.  The support from everyone, and what has been said, has been helpful to me.  It may be helpful to someone else in the future.  Having my feelings about it all in one place may help someone else navigate the changes.  Of course, everyone has their own time frame for acceptance, and healing.  I'm fairly resilient, so my changes may be faster than someone else; and somewhere out there, there is someone who will try to figure out what took me so long.

So, as we've seen elsewhere, my date went well.  I talked to my wife about it, and she was happy for me.  She even said something about me getting "busy" with my date.  No, it didn't happen, but the girl is wonderful, and I kind of wanted it to.  I'm trying to figure out why my wife thought I'd do the nasty with someone on the first date?  Maybe it's the third, me and her have gone out a couple times before, just to hang out, where the other people who were supposed to come bailed out on us.....I'm feeling like I was set up to date her now.

It's all good, I enjoy her company.  Tomorrow...movies.  Sunday, I go home and talk with my wife more, and maybe go see Thor: Ragnarok.  It's her birthday movie.  We need to talk about the boundaries, and where they are now.  Still learning how to respond to things.  At least she's being supportive.

Claire!

The tone of this thread and your life has changed beautifully in a short period of time... Let it serve as example to all who find themselves in a dark section of their journey... Hold hope in your heart and keep moving forward towards the light.... All will be well

Onward we go!!!

Ashley

Quote from: tgirlamc on November 16, 2017, 10:53:09 AM
Claire!

The tone of this thread and your life has changed beautifully in a short period of time... Let it serve as example to all who find themselves in a dark section of their journey... Hold hope in your heart and keep moving forward towards the light.... All will be well

Onward we go!!!

Ashley

I think my wife knows me all to well.  Looking back, there were things she did for months before telling me she was leaving me.

1 : She separated things into yours, mine, ours boxes
2 : She told me, repeatedly, to not turn away a chance at a date with someone
3 : She told me , frequently, that she hadn't made up her mind if she was going to stay or go
4 : She separated things, and made "just in case" statements while separating them
5 : She told me that all of her family and friends told her to dump my stupid !@$#^%
6 : She always told me that she loves me no matter what happened
7 : She told me that she will always look out for me, even if we weren't a couple


I think all of that helped speed the healing; because, deep down, I already knew it was coming.