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Slowly getting there at last

Started by coldHeart, November 18, 2017, 05:03:32 PM

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coldHeart

My time on Susan's has been a love/hate thing, when I first started coming on here I thought this was going to help me so much, all the new friend's to be made all the advice good or bad but some how it was good to "save my soul".
After my disastrous suicide attempt " (basically choking to death then the rope breaking) I decided to tell my wife of 16 years that the man she love wanted to become a women.
The first month was horrible we barely spoke I thought I was I had died on that rope but slowly we started to talk again to listen to one another's issues, by this time I had started HRT after several months of problems but I was happy I had started.
Now came the hardest part do I take the hormones for a set period then come out to my family & friends or just bite the bullet, I did just that if I was to become Sara I had to do it there & then so one weekend me & the wife talked & both agreed this was the only way forward so with most of my male clothing gone I became Sara but at the time I didn't know this could cost me my life.
Within weeks of coming out to my family I was written out of the family will my little sister told if I contacted her or my nieces ever again then she would call the police then to add insult to me all of my motocross friends dropped me like a brick except one Dave.
I had known him for year's & kept telling me " I would stand by you what ever " well it didn't take long for him to drop me, saying I was mentally ill 😢 still to this day I don't know why he change his mind but now I was all alone.
This is were the dam dark depression kick in, each day I slowly stopped believing in myself slowly I started to hat Sara for hat she had done to my life, over the next few months I thought about ending it all probably each day, there were times were I would not get out of bed for days at a time or leave the house, my wife who by now had separate from me but were still talking was getting to the point of telling me she have had enough of talking as my mood was getting her down as well.
Lucky a week or so ago I decided that I have had enough of this dam depression so I sort the help of therapy.
Now slowly I am beginning to see some hope some light at the end of the tunnel, I am speaking more to the ex wife again we even went out shopping together & now I can look in the mirror & see a woman looking back at me, in other words I am starting to believe in myself
I know its not going to get better over night , I do have a lot of hard work yet to do & no doubt there will be bad time bad days but one or two people on Susan's have stuck by me so you ladies thank you for that, I have even got round to changing my name legally.
Its been a very rough year but hopefully the new year will even more happiness for me .
Was of really all worth it? By dammed YES 😁
SARA 💖💖
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Cindy

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Laurie

  Sara,

  You have no idea how much your words mean to me. I have never read such hope in anything you have written. Keep that resolve fresh and move forward girl. There is joy somewhere in this life for you if you just keep moving forward.

Hugs,
   Laurie
April 13, 2019 switched to estradiol valerate
December 20, 2018    Referral sent to OHSU Dr Dugi  for vaginoplasty consult
December 10, 2018    Second Letter VA Psychiatric Practical nurse
November 15, 2018    First letter from VA therapist
May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone



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tgirlamg

My Dear Sister Sara!

I am smiling ear to ear as I feel the light and warmth of hope coming through your words...

Keep doing what you are doing... Once we are finally pointed in the right direction in our life.. Each step forward brings us closer to where we wish to be... You are now a shining example for many here that it is possible to hold on to hope through the darkest of times...

Always here for you dear sister!!!

Hugs and Love!!!

A 😀❤️🌻
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment" ... Ralph Waldo Emerson 🌸

"The individual has always had to struggle from being overwhelmed by the tribe... But, no price is too high for the privilege of owning yourself" ... Rudyard Kipling 🌸

Let go of the things that no longer serve you... Let go of the pretense of the false persona, it is not you... Let go of the armor that you have worn for a lifetime, to serve the expectations of others and, to protect the woman inside... She needs protection no longer.... She is tired of hiding and more courageous than you know... Let her prove that to you....Let her step out of the dark and feel the light upon her face.... amg🌸

Ashley's Corner: https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247549.0.html 🌻
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Allison S

Wow you have a lot of strength and resolve. That's really admirable! I also go by Sara, but I'm thinking of changing it. Not sure to what yet though

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

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KathyLauren

I am sorry to hear that you have had such a rough time of it, but I am very happy to read that you have turned a corner and that things are looking up.  Way to go, sister!
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2020-03-11 GRS; 2020-09-17 New birth certificate
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LizK

Great to see you finally turning that corner....way to go  ;)

Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019
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bobbisue

    I am so glad you have made it through that dark place many of us have been there things do get better and even though we can not always find the words we are all sisters {and brothers} here and we love each other

   bobbisue :)
[ gotta be me everyone else is taken ]
started HRT june 16 2017              
Out to all my family Oct 21 2017 no rejections
Fulltime Dec 9 2017 ahead of schedule
First pass Dec 11 2017
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Artesia

YAY!! So glad to see things are going better for you!!!
All the worlds a joke, and the people, merely punchlines

September 13, 2016 HRT start date
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coldHeart

I am slowly beginning to love myself & believe, the dysphoria s still very hard a times but he is beginning to fade, I know well enough I will/can not ever be like a young trans or cis women but the only time I get clocked is when I start to talk, its by no means deep but still noticeable, had a professional make over last week & the girl doing it for I was a cis female until we talked so I now know I have been far to hard apon myself & should be great full of what I have got.
I'm just so happy some of you sister's stood by me through the crap were everyone Else has not.
Sara 
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Megan.

This is lovely news to hear Sara. It can be a hard road,  but we can draw strength by looking back and seeing what we've already overcome,  and how far we've already travelled.
I'm sorry you've lost friends,  but we'll always be here for you,  no conditions. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

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Selene

Hello Sara.  :)

You have been through a lot. One thing I see that I admire greatly is that you continue to live your life for you! That is what you deserve, and you have been making strides. I admire that. It is inspiring to me, and many others.

There is no greater power than believing in yourself. Whole new worlds begin to open up. Options that we never knew we had. People who matter come out of the fold. Your accomplishments are a huge inspiration to me. I have a long way to go, but knowing that gives me hope and happiness. How far you, and all of us here have come. The challenges that await. All through it all having each other for support here.

You are beautiful.  :)
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coldHeart

The worst thing about my transition is my best friend who knew every thing about my problems died just a few months before I can out, now she would see the women I became but I think she would be so happy for me.
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Megan.

Quote from: coldHeart on November 19, 2017, 07:33:49 AM
The worst thing about my transition is my best friend who knew every thing about my problems died just a few months before I can out, now she would see the women I became but I think she would be so happy for me.
I'm sure she would. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

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tgirlamg

Sara 😀!!!!!

There's my beautiful little sister!!! The day is just getting started here in California and what a wonderful way to start it off indeed! I feel like a proud mother bird as her little chick bravely soars through the air and makes the sky her own!!!

Hugs and Love!!!

A 👩‍❤️‍👩

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment" ... Ralph Waldo Emerson 🌸

"The individual has always had to struggle from being overwhelmed by the tribe... But, no price is too high for the privilege of owning yourself" ... Rudyard Kipling 🌸

Let go of the things that no longer serve you... Let go of the pretense of the false persona, it is not you... Let go of the armor that you have worn for a lifetime, to serve the expectations of others and, to protect the woman inside... She needs protection no longer.... She is tired of hiding and more courageous than you know... Let her prove that to you....Let her step out of the dark and feel the light upon her face.... amg🌸

Ashley's Corner: https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247549.0.html 🌻
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Rachel

I am very happy for you. You had a rough time and are stronger.

I made some new friends and some day may find another love of my life. Right now I am working on being the best I can be. One thing that helped me is to look at the good in everything. It is difficult and it takes practice but it helps to raise my feeling of self.

Keep up the good work. My therapist helped me so much, a lot of work and some scary times but a lot of help.

HRT  5-28-2013
FT   11-13-2015
FFS   9-16-2016 -Spiegel
GCS 11-15-2016 - McGinn
Hair Grafts 3-20-2017 - Cooley
Voice therapy start 3-2017 - Reene Blaker
Labiaplasty 5-15-2017 - McGinn
BA 7-12-2017 - McGinn
Hair grafts 9-25-2017 Dr.Cooley
Sataloff Cricothyroid subluxation and trachea shave12-11-2017
Dr. McGinn labiaplasty, hood repair, scar removal, graph repair and bottom of  vagina finished. urethra repositioned. 4-4-2018
Dr. Sataloff Glottoplasty 5-14-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal in office procedure 10-22-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal revision 2 4-3-2019 Bottom of vagina closed off, fat injected into the labia and urethra repositioned.
Dr. Thomas in 2020 FEMLAR
  • skype:Rachel?call
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Laurie

My dear Sara,

   I love the way you are now talking and the hope in your words. No one wants you to be okay more than I. You and I and many others here know how perilous this journey can be for us at times. I truly hope and wish that you have indeed turned that proverbial corner and have left it behind you. You've had it hard enough for anyone. I am sure your dear friend would be proud of you now that you have set foot on the right path to your future. I pray you will be able to someday see the beautiful woman I see in your pictures. Like Ashley, I am here for you and will be for as long as I can. 

Love,
   Laurie
April 13, 2019 switched to estradiol valerate
December 20, 2018    Referral sent to OHSU Dr Dugi  for vaginoplasty consult
December 10, 2018    Second Letter VA Psychiatric Practical nurse
November 15, 2018    First letter from VA therapist
May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone



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davina61

Nearly didn't turn lap top on tonight but I am ssssooooo glad I did , BIG HUGS. Well done Sara its so good things are coming together. Went full time myself last week , still look like a bloke in a wig (shocked the soon to be ex missis this morning) but my friends in the hot rod club so far have been ok, work as well. True friends should stick with you whatever.
a long time coming (out) HRT 12 2017
GRS 2021 5th Nov

Jill of all trades mistress of non
Know a bit about everything but not enough to be clever
  • skype:davina61?call
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coldHeart

#18
Wow well done Davina, yes you really do find out your true friends when you transition
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