My time on Susan's has been a love/hate thing, when I first started coming on here I thought this was going to help me so much, all the new friend's to be made all the advice good or bad but some how it was good to "save my soul".
After my disastrous suicide attempt " (basically choking to death then the rope breaking) I decided to tell my wife of 16 years that the man she love wanted to become a women.
The first month was horrible we barely spoke I thought I was I had died on that rope but slowly we started to talk again to listen to one another's issues, by this time I had started HRT after several months of problems but I was happy I had started.
Now came the hardest part do I take the hormones for a set period then come out to my family & friends or just bite the bullet, I did just that if I was to become Sara I had to do it there & then so one weekend me & the wife talked & both agreed this was the only way forward so with most of my male clothing gone I became Sara but at the time I didn't know this could cost me my life.
Within weeks of coming out to my family I was written out of the family will my little sister told if I contacted her or my nieces ever again then she would call the police then to add insult to me all of my motocross friends dropped me like a brick except one Dave.
I had known him for year's & kept telling me " I would stand by you what ever " well it didn't take long for him to drop me, saying I was mentally ill 😢 still to this day I don't know why he change his mind but now I was all alone.
This is were the dam dark depression kick in, each day I slowly stopped believing in myself slowly I started to hat Sara for hat she had done to my life, over the next few months I thought about ending it all probably each day, there were times were I would not get out of bed for days at a time or leave the house, my wife who by now had separate from me but were still talking was getting to the point of telling me she have had enough of talking as my mood was getting her down as well.
Lucky a week or so ago I decided that I have had enough of this dam depression so I sort the help of therapy.
Now slowly I am beginning to see some hope some light at the end of the tunnel, I am speaking more to the ex wife again we even went out shopping together & now I can look in the mirror & see a woman looking back at me, in other words I am starting to believe in myself
I know its not going to get better over night , I do have a lot of hard work yet to do & no doubt there will be bad time bad days but one or two people on Susan's have stuck by me so you ladies thank you for that, I have even got round to changing my name legally.
Its been a very rough year but hopefully the new year will even more happiness for me .
Was of really all worth it? By dammed YES 😁
SARA 💖💖
