For as long as i can remember i have always been rather jealous of females, the way they look, dress, talk, their personalities being much more pleasant and affectionate than most men...I always wanted to be like that. I always crave the attention that they get from men and even other women. I have never received so much love and attention being perceived as a man by the world. I am attracted to females sexually as well but generally i always fantasize about being a woman and then making love to a man. I do want to transition someday when i am not so fearful.

I think that envy is a better word than jealousy.  We are jealous of what we already have.  Envy of cis women seems normal to me.  We want what they have.   I don't think that there is anything wrong with that.  For example, envying your friend's house is not the same as coveting your friend's house.  One implies that you want a house like your friend's, the other implies that you want your friend's actual house.

I sometimes feel slightly envious as much as I admire them while wishing I looked just like her. I suppose it's more regret rather than jealousy that I have this male body shape while they are beautifully feminine x

I have almost constant jealousy and envy, especially of the more beautiful and femme women. It has lessened a tad, now that I've accepted myself as trans. Perhaps, as my body becomes less masculine, I'll feel even better. Maybe, I'll become physically more androgynous and that will be enough, or if it doesn't, I might have to become more female for my stress to go away.

I know what you mean. It started as a competition with my sister who was getting all the attention. When I asked my mother to dress me in my sisters costumes at seven years old and my mother praised how I looked I finally had equal footing with my sister. As I got older I began fantasizing about so called super models and actresses. I began praying that I would awake fully formed and functioning as a female. After all God can do anything. Well now I know better, but it does not end the pursuit. In my dreams, I have slept with men. I also had babies. I have since learned it more than likely is not a dream but a symptom of DES poisoning in utero. And I was actually predetermined to have these feelings because of DES application was administered in the sweet spot between body and brain formation.(at week 8 to 10)  In other words. I have the boy bits, think vienna sausage in the can vs. the 1/4 pound dog you get at Costco. Although deformed. But I have a brain developed under massive doses of female hormones which is what DES is. I also have a myriad of heart problems because my body was not fully developed before the administration of DES. DES was used supposedly to prevent miscarriages. It was cheap, but never proven to do the job it was intended for. There are an estimated 1.5 million men that have met this fate as it was administered between 1937 and 1972. Even later outside of the US.

Envy is the word I use to describe what I feel. Women are so fortunate to be born female. I had to spend a lot of money to become female. But the result is priceless. 

I agree with the envy. 
I want to be feminine, I want to look like certain women and know I never will.  I would like to be pregnant. 

I do not envy the abuse, lack of respect that some men think is ok.  I don't envy rape, groping, and other violations that women suffer through.  I don't envy the pressure society puts on women to be beautiful and available.

Whether you call it jealousy or envy, for about as long as I remember, I would look at women and think "I really want to look like that". The shape of the body, the clothes, the makeup and jewelery - I wanted it. I remember going to prom, and being disappointed that my option was "tux", as opposed to all the beautiful dresses. That was what I wanted.

Sent from my VS988 using Tapatalk

Definitely envy. I've always been envious of all the pretty clothes they get to wear (all the way back to 7 years old or earlier). Later I became envious of them for everything else. I'm envious of my best lady-friend's natural DD boobs, but I also know just how much of a (literal) pain they can be at that size.

Looking back, yes, I envied girls, but so much of my psychological gender dysphoria was buried in my subconscious that I was not aware of it at the time.  But in my youth I remember being fascinated by my fashion artist mother's drawings of beautiful women wearing beautiful clothes, my interest in reading the articles in Seventeen magazine, and being delighted to get involved in activities involving girls.  I was attracted to girls/women and admired them.  But it wasn't until I acknowledged and accepted that I was trans did the envy really hit me hard.   Now that I am a transsexual woman with passing privilege, you would think that the envy would vanish, but it's still there when I see women still in their prime.  I missed out on so much life as a girl and as a young woman which can never be reclaimed.  I envy them for having lived a full life as females, having experienced young love, child birth, and so on.

Today, I enjoy being around other women of my age, but being way past the spring chicken stage of life, there's little to be envious of in the physical looks department.  Sagging this and wrinkled that is the fate of all women as they age.  I've managed to hold back the years pretty well myself, but, face it, it's a losing battle.  If the reason you want to be female is primarily motivated by a desire for youthful feminine beauty, you might want to reassess your plans.  Take a good long look at your mother and father, and ask yourself which person would you be happy to be at that age?   It was the first question my mother asked me when I revealed my intention of transitioning: "Do you really want to live out the rest of your life as an old woman?" she asked.  "Better than as an old man!" was my reply.

Quote from: Clara Kay on November 23, 2017, 11:02:40 PM
If the reason you want to be female is primarily motivated by a desire for youthful feminine beauty, you might want to reassess your plans.  Take a good long look at your mother and father, and ask yourself which person would you be happy to be at that age?

Wise words.  When you get down to it, MtF transition is really about taking on the social gender roles of a woman. The physical transformation is a means to that end.  If your primary reason for transitioning is physical, then you're going to have a rough time.  Society does not take kindly to women who think or act like men.

Interesting replies and a lot of what has been said I have felt similar. To Clara though, not sure if you were talking to me specifically when you said if my only reason to be a trans is for physical reasons? The answer is no, actually. I have plenty of reasons for being trans and the main reason is because I have a female mind, thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Not to drag religion into it but also a female spirit. Being a girl is my true and real self, however she is in a male body and i feel awkward everyday because of it. Basically, i am too scared and nervous to go through a transition, HRT, and surgery right now.

I get a lot of anxiety and depression, i'm still questioning whether i want to look like a woman or if i could find a way to be happy and content with looking like a male. I'm in the in between stage and i am kind of confused, that is why i came to this site for guidance but i know i need to see a therapist. It is crucial i see one or i will always be in pain for the rest of my life both mentally and emotionally. I am angry at God too, though i love God, i am still upset he put me in a male body. He has his reasons though regardless if we understand them or not.

Ever since i was a child, i felt out of place, that i did not belong, that something was missing. The missing thing was me looking like a male even though i truly act like a woman, my dad has even said i act womanly sometimes and have more compassion than most guys. In my opinion women seem to be more compassionate and caring but there are some girls who can be coldhearted too, it depends. Nonetheless, yes envy is the right word to use.

Am i mistake though? I sometimes think i should just die, maybe in the next life God will set things straight and if i ask him sincerely he will make me a female. Ask and you shall receive as the Bible says. I spend a lot of time in prayer for God to give me some sort of sign or answer that i should go through with transition or to help me get rid of this grief and torment i go through and be able to go through life living as a normal man instead of being trans but this is something that was ingrained into me since birth. It's not like i decided one day "hey im going to be a trans!". No, you don't choose to be something so hated upon and ridiculed and very misunderstood by society.

Women are extremely lucky being women in my view, some women don't feel that way, and society does mistreat women especially in various other parts and countries of the world besides the United States. I hate the extremist muslims, they degrade women the most and they are very misogynistic. Bunch of pigs they are. The God i believe in created everyone equally and on equal standing with equal opportunity whether you've got a penis or vagina. That really shouldn't matter, a woman can do anything a man can do if she puts her mind to it. If a woman wants to have a lot of muscle like a man, all she has to do is go to the gym and work out. I mean common sense, the only thing different is our genetics and DNA.

Quote from: Clara Kay on November 23, 2017, 11:02:40 PM
Take a good long look at your mother and father, and ask yourself which person would you be happy to be at that age?   It was the first question my mother asked me when I revealed my intention of transitioning: "Do you really want to live out the rest of your life as an old woman?" she asked.  "Better than as an old man!" was my reply.

This reminds me of an experience I had playing with Faceapp (for those who don't know, its an app that a lot of use to get an idea of what we might look with hrt). I used the "old" filter on my male picture and wanted to cry looking at it. I then ran it on the female version of me from the app, and it was outright heartwarming. No one wants to grow old, but looking at that picture I knew that if I'm going to age, I want to do it as a woman.

It's hard to tolerate being in a man's body when you are a woman though regardless im happy you are transitioning Roll and best of luck to you, my friend.

100% envy..but not bitter. Just, wow, do you know how lucky you are kinda way.
I'm constantly admiring clothes etc..which probably looks like i'm sneakily checking thrm out in a different way

It's there and it's real. I always thought (knew) something was wrong with me lol
So happy to finally work to fix it.. it'll be a a little while though

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

There is always hope. Don't give up! Be brave, women who are trans or FTM's probably have envy towards men too. It works both ways, the point is you can transition if you truly wanted to feel more natural and true to who you feel you truly are. Nothing wrong with trans people, there is something wrong with many people's perception of us.

We are just different from the norm, so we get misunderstood, ridiculed, stereotyped, disrespected, hated...and much more negativity, stupidity, and pettiness spewed at us even death threats and some go as far as murdering trans people. All in all we are normal people.

Sigh, it really irks me how narrow minded and prejudiced some people can be, unless they walk in our shoes they've got no right to be so judgmental and tell us that we are outcasts or freaks or whatever their tiny brains conceive us calling us.

I often feel something is wrong with me too though as i've siad in my long post above...usually i chalk it up to just being different but the only thing different with me that needs fixing is transitioning to a more natural female body then i'll be more comfortable with who i am. I'm glad science and technology has come such a long way that we can actually transition, i feel bad for people in the old days who were trans who couldn't do anything about looking more like the person they felt they were.

Quote from: echo7 on November 24, 2017, 12:03:27 AM
If your primary reason for transitioning is physical, then you're going to have a rough time.  Society does not take kindly to women who think or act like men.

This is a tough one. From an observational perspective, I would agree with this. Society does not take kindly to women who act like men.

But it also plays right into the hands of a lot of TERF arguments.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk