Hi everyone, i'm new here obviously. I need some advice and tips on become a trans woman, how would i go about this at 29 years old and with a family that might ridicule me and maybe even reject me? My dad probably wouldn't because he told me a long time ago that if i was gay he would still accept and love me but being transgender is different than being gay and i do like women and i date women as a man. He might think i am psycho for wanting to be trans though. I'm scared of what might happen if i was upfront and honestly told him and the rest of my family about my feelings. What should i do? If i go and see a counselor on transitioning they will call my dad up on the phone and tell him. I kind of want to keep this a secret for now because i am scared of what might happen and how my family would react.

Cheers beauties and thank you in advance,
The girl that never was but might be Sheila

One does not become a trans woman. We are born this way. Many of us decide to not transition for the reasons you have already stated and many more as well. Expect ridicule and rejection by some people. You will not be disappointed. Others are accepting and this may surprise you.

If you feel compelled to transition, always start with counselling. Licensed therapists are required by medical ethics and law to keep your counselling confidential. Part of the counselling process is to come out in the open, but this will happen anyway once the hormone therapy shows results.

Of course we are born this way, for as long as i can remember ive had a female mind, emotions, feelings, even womanly attractiveness to males which does not mean i am gay. I like women and have relationships with women but if i transition i would have relationships with male lovers too. No one chooses to be like this in a bigoted world that ridicules everything outside the norm and beyond the box of just being a straight man or a straight woman. I didn't choose this and its not a sin or evil, it is what it is. God would understand and i have read that "ask and you shall receive" he would grant you anything you wanted or wanted to be and in the jewish kabbalah gays and transgender will be reincarnated as women. In the next life i want to be a girl because i am one already even though we are labelled "trans" girls. *^_^*

Hidden -

  You said you have a family but talked about your father.  Do you have a wife & kids.  The challenges are different.
Dani is right, the path to transition should start with therapy.  If you can find a therapist who specializes in gender issues you will be in much better hands than one that does not.

   It sounds like your dad is open-minded and maybe approachable on the subject.  I suggest you talk to a therapist first.  The way I came out to people removed the possibility that "this was a choice" for me.  I was diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria by two different therapists before I started to come out to people.  My spiel was always the same, "Have you ever heard of Gender Dysphoria?"
"no"
"Well, it's the clinical diagnosis for being transgender.  I've been diagnosed with it and have been struggling with it since I was about 4."
---pause---
The light bulb blinks on.
.....
Then for the rest of the conversation, I make it a point to not mention "transgender" again but talk about my dysphoria.  It gave people the perspective of what it's like.

To date, I've had ZERO (None, not one) negative reactions.  I came out to about 100 people, one at a time over a year.  I've been full time since March without ANY negativity.  HOWEVER; I will warn you - my wife of 32 years did divorce me but that's because she didn't sign up for being married to a woman.  My two kids don't seem to have a problem with it.  (Everyone is coming for Thanksgiving at my place)

Good luck.

Other useful advice:  (At least I think so)
* find a place you feel safe and be yourself.
* you are not responsible for other people's emotions
* With the exception of your very close family - NOBODY CARES IF YOU TRANSITION.  (Except for the extreme bigots)
* find yourself and your own path.  It's your ONE life to live, doesn't it make sense to not live it as a lie?
* Find a couple of friends who you can talk to (I had 4 close friends that I would lay out all my issues/troubles once per week.  That way each of them only had to deal with me about once per month.

Excellent advice Denise! I've come out to the world and have been full time for about a month, and even after all that, your words were helpful.

Sheila, I might add that since at 29 you are no longer a minor, it would be unethical, and for all I know, illegal, for your therapist to contact your father without your permission. You really need to find one, preferably one who specializes in gender issues. It truly is the first and most important thing that needs to be done.

Good luck,

Steph

Hi, Sheila!

Welcome to Susan's.  Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.

There is not a lot I can add to the excellent advice given above.  I strongly recommend seeing a gender therapist to help you sort out your feelings and goals.  You are an adult, so they are not allowed to contact anyone else, including your parents, without your permission.

We transition when the pain of hiding our true selves becomes greater than the pain of telling others.  Some reach that point earlier in life; some reach it later.  Some never reach that point.  Each path is right for that person.

Sometimes we get lucky.  I was in terrible fear of the consequences if I came out to my wife.  But finally, I just had to do it.  And she has been great: she is my biggest supporter.  All that fear for nothing!

I am not saying that there won't be bumps on the road, but often we get a pleasant surprise.

Helping you sort out all these possibilities is what gender therapists do.

Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	Cautionary Note	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Quote from: Denise on November 21, 2017, 05:56:51 AMMy spiel was always the same, "Have you ever heard of Gender Dysphoria?"
"no"
"Well, it's the clinical diagnosis for being transgender.  I've been diagnosed with it and have been struggling with it since I was about 4."
---pause---
The light bulb blinks on.
.....
Then for the rest of the conversation, I make it a point to not mention "transgender" again but talk about my dysphoria.  It gave people the perspective of what it's like.

To date, I've had ZERO (None, not one) negative reactions. 

Denise, I stole your approach back when I came out to the local community association.  I think I forgot to explicitly make the connection between gender dysphoria and transgender, but they figured that part out for themselves pretty quickly.  The reaction I got was the same as yours: not a single negative reaction.  Not one.

Thank you for this very effective coming out strategy!

Thank you for all the helpful advice. I will probably see a therapist one of these days. I want to transition before i get too old. I'm young and attractive now. I think my face is feminine, could i put a picture here? I do not wear woman clothing yet though even though i live by myself and my dad rarely comes to visit so i could buy a bra, panties, ect and get away with keeping it a secret from him but women's underwear seems pointless without breasts yet and still having a penis.

Anyways a therapist might say i have gender identity disorder, but why call it a disorder? It is NOT disorder or a defect. I have a woman inside me, a female spirit that wants to be free. It is just this male body, i do not like it and i feel awkward sometimes. I date women not just because i am still attracted to them but because i try to release some maleness inside me but i think i am more a sweet, kind, lovable girl. The consequences are only reserved from my family if they react negatively about it but my dad might understand if he were to find out. Still scares and worries me.

Sometimes i wish to wait until my dad passes away so that he will never find out that i transitioned but i dont want him to die. I want him to see who i really am. Maybe in the next life he will see that he had a daughter all along lying dormant inside a male body and waiting to free herself from this body and actually get rid of the male genitilia that i have but that would be so life changing to the point that i could never have sex with a woman like i can now. There would be no turning back, so talking to a therapist for support and for all the possible outcomes will probably be the best thing for me.

Quote from: hiddengirlsheila on November 21, 2017, 08:31:46 AM
Thank you for all the helpful advice. I will probably see a therapist one of these days. I want to transition before i get too old. I'm young and attractive now. I think my face is feminine, could i put a picture here? I do not wear woman clothing yet though even though i live by myself and my dad rarely comes to visit so i could buy a bra, panties, ect and get away with keeping it a secret from him but women's underwear seems pointless without breasts yet and still having a penis.

Anyways a therapist might say i have gender identity disorder, but why call it a disorder? It is NOT disorder or a defect. I have a woman inside me, a female spirit that wants to be free. It is just this male body, i do not like it and i feel awkward sometimes. I date women not just because i am still attracted to them but because i try to release some maleness inside me but i think i am more a sweet, kind, lovable girl. The consequences are only reserved from my family if they react negatively about it but my dad might understand if he were to find out. Still scares and worries me.

Sometimes i wish to wait until my dad passes away so that he will never find out that i transitioned but i dont want him to die. I want him to see who i really am. Maybe in the next life he will see that he had a daughter all along lying dormant inside a male body and waiting to free herself from this body and actually get rid of the male genitilia that i have but that would be so life changing to the point that i could never have sex with a woman like i can now. There would be no turning back, so talking to a therapist for support and for all the possible outcomes will probably be the best thing for me.

Hi Sheila, yes you can put a picture, maybe after some posts (a mod might clarify that). And about your process, go at your own pace and whatever you feel is beneficial for you. I'm on HRT already and yet I still live as a male and don't wear women's clothes yet...I just don't feel I would like that look because I still look like a man. So pave your own way and find support in your therapist, and friends if you can.

Quote from: hiddengirlsheila on November 21, 2017, 08:31:46 AM
Anyways a therapist might say i have gender identity disorder, but why call it a disorder? It is NOT disorder or a defect. I have a woman inside me, a female spirit that wants to be free.

They don't call it gender identity disorder any more for that very reason.  It is not a disorder.  The correct term according the the latest DSM is gender dysphoria.  It is considered a medical condition that responds well to treatment.

They still have to have it in the DSM because psychologists and other mental health professionals need to be able to recognize it and diagnose it. 

I'll go at my own pace but i still want to transition before i get old and wrinkly then i wont be as an attractive woman. I want men to come flocking to me. How do you post or put up a picture here and can i upload an avatar? My face is feminine and cute in my opinion, i want to see what everyone else here thinks. I also have long beautiful hair that even my Dad has said my hair and my eyes were beautiful, womanly. I don't even think being trans requires treatment, we're women with male bodies that's all there is to it. Some of us transition and fully bring out the woman in us which brings up another question, how much does transitioning cost? I've heard some people got it done for free, i don't think that i can. I am on disability for some health issues i have which helps and gives me a bit of money plus other benefits. Though, im in college too, i still have a job even though its not a very good one until i finish college.

edit: I meant i don't think it is necessary for treatment like it's a disease or a mental illness, but treatment as far as getting a surgical transition from the male body to a female with breasts as well as being more feminine in general and even getting the penis removed or stuffed into whatever. I don't think they remove it completely its kept hidden and out of sight to where it looks like you have a vagina. I forgot what it's called or what they do exactly.

Womanhood can be scary if you lived as a male your whole life, but it is also liberating when you realize you were a girl the whole time, just stuck in the wrong body. God doesn't make mistakes though, there is a purpose or maybe something to be learned from this, that female spirit inside us is there and active. We don't have a male spirit or we may have both spirits but the female is more dominant and wants to make her presence known.

edit #2: I keep forgetting to say stuff, but they also do hormonal replacement therapy but i believe trans women natural have more female hormones and estrogen. We need less testosterone and more female hormones, however. This can negatively impact our health but if done properly it should be fine. I am just anxious and scared about it all but i want it to be done someday. First i need a therapist.

I dont think im gonna tell family unless they ask. My sister did ask if I wanted to be a woman i just responded "lol"

I think if family asks something like that then they know. I know that's assuming but i know my family.

Personally I'm okay with seeing family only around the holidays with the exception of my mom. I get along fine with my siblings but they don't bother much and neither do I. It's easier that way anyway

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Quote from: hiddengirlsheila on November 21, 2017, 06:08:31 PM
I'll go at my own pace but i still want to transition before i get old and wrinkly then i wont be as an attractive woman. I want men to come flocking to me.

I am 68 years old and men still come flocking to me. Age does not matter as long as you are still attractive.

Quote
First i need a therapist.

Now you are talking! 

Hi Sheila,

HRT is routine if prescribed and monitored by a health care professional.  They will run tests and tailor it to your needs and medical background. 

Avatar photo - please read the information KathyLauren posted, that contains guidelines and a bunch of stuff to save you time.

Quote from: hiddengirlsheila on November 21, 2017, 06:08:31 PM
Womanhood can be scary if you lived as a male your whole life, but it is also liberating when you realize you were a girl the whole time, just stuck in the wrong body.

Exactly.  We haven't met but you described me perfectly.   

Kendra

Quote from: Dani on November 21, 2017, 08:28:18 PM
I am 68 years old and men still come flocking to me. Age does not matter as long as you are still attractive.

Now you are talking! 

What do you look like? More often than not men don't care about age, neither do women. Age is just a number unless it's children we are talking about. As long as you got breasts, look feminine, ect you'll have men attracted to you. Do you still have your penis if you don't mind me asking? Cause they can remove that without killing you now.

Quote from: Dani on November 21, 2017, 05:23:07 AM
One does not become a trans woman. We are born this way. Many of us decide to not transition for the reasons you have already stated and many more as well. Expect ridicule and rejection by some people. You will not be disappointed. Others are accepting and this may surprise you.

If you feel compelled to transition, always start with counselling. Licensed therapists are required by medical ethics and law to keep your counselling confidential. Part of the counselling process is to come out in the open, but this will happen anyway once the hormone therapy shows results.

Agree with we are born this way. And i think thread starter should come out to the world and be honest. My opinion only.

Quote from: hiddengirlsheila on November 21, 2017, 05:08:44 AM
Hi everyone, i'm new here obviously. I need some advice and tips on become a trans woman, how would i go about this at 29 years old and with a family that might ridicule me and maybe even reject me? My dad probably wouldn't because he told me a long time ago that if i was gay he would still accept and love me but being transgender is different than being gay and i do like women and i date women as a man. He might think i am psycho for wanting to be trans though. I'm scared of what might happen if i was upfront and honestly told him and the rest of my family about my feelings. What should i do? If i go and see a counselor on transitioning they will call my dad up on the phone and tell him. I kind of want to keep this a secret for now because i am scared of what might happen and how my family would react.

Cheers beauties and thank you in advance,
The girl that never was but might be Sheila

I feel like I can sort of relate to your situation, I'm in the same boat as you. When I came out as gay, my family were really supportive, but being transgender feels like a completely different ballpark (saying this, I'm in the closet myself, so I don't know how they'd react). What I have been doing is hinting to get their reaction, so far, so good, maybe you could bring up some trans related topics, and see how they react.

Before coming out, I'd make sure you're completely comfortable with yourself, i.e. giving yourself enough time to process that you're trans (which is must harder said than done, there can be times where i feel like if I don't tell someone, I'm gonna burst), and experimenting (clothes, wigs, mannerisms, etc.)

As I said, I feel like we're in the same boat. I wish you all the best. Hugs & kisses

Jessica95 I would come out to the whole world about being trans but i have not yet decided on whether i should transition yet because i don't know if my dad will reject and even disown me because of it. I want to transition, i really do, but if my dad refuses to accept then what should i do about that? Is it more important to transition so i can feel more of who i really am or to keep my relationship with my father? This is the difficult predicament that i'm currently facing.

Thank you for your support and encouragement Sinead! I will go to wal mart one day and buy some women's clothes, when my dad comes to visit i'll hide them somewhere so he does not discover. I'm good at hiding things, been hiding the fact that I am trans for a long time. Me and my dad have talked about transgenders before, he has said some bigoted and disrespectful things about them but he generally does not care about transgendered people. He is against transgenders using the woman's bathroom however and hes also against them participating in the military, go figure right.

What my dad does not take into consideration is what if you're trans and have the penis removed? Still be bad to use the woman's bathroom? It's not like you're whipping it out in front of women and girls in that situation, you would sit down on the toilet.