I left this site for a while and started focusing on improving my life. I got a job over the summer holiday and I went to the gym 3 times a weeek doing strength training and it helped a lot with channeling masculine energy I guess. I didn't have much exciting going on but I felt pretty peaceful over the summer. On coming back to university I landed myself a great super kind and very open girlfriend as well and that's made me quite happy. Im much more content and haven't  cried randomly in about 6 months.

My girlfriend is a lesbian and mostly a top but is very open and kind as I said. Various things keep building up between us involving my gender. Firstly we had a conversation that lead her to now fondly calling me her soft boy which is cute. Then we were joking about people who call their partner daddy and we sort of tried it and now she calls me that in bed because it makes me feel masculine even though I don't have a daddy complex haha and she definitely doesn't. It just works well enough. Also she worked out that I like recieving ->-bleeped-<-s with the dildo we have. And sometimes I can get her to call me Tom after my childhood alter ego haha. She did once say to me "weirdly I think I still would've liked you even if you were a man" but also she said once "no you're not my boyfriend. Even tho you wear men's clothes you're still my girlfriend. Unless we're gonna talk about you being transsexual".

I sorta like how it is. But of course it's all very silly. I try to get her to call me male things even tho i live as female, have a very feminine body type (tho I have been told, an androgynous vibe). and have no intention of transitioning. It's just comforting (and arousing ). I can't really talk about being transsexual because I don't have any deep discomfort in my body. I'd rather just keep it. It's fine. I don't have a problem with sex because my naked body is fine. So I don't consider myself trans. Perhaps I should identify as non binary but I find that entirely pointless. It doesn't eacheive anythingh but to make everyone confused and I don't really agree with the politics around it. So I just have a silly little dynamic going on that I never know how far I can push or exactly what I want from it. And it's just making think about trans things again which I haven't in a long time.

I don't really have a question I'm just here never knowing what to call myself.

Sounds like you have a good thing going . And are simply a trans man who's happy not to medically transition; which doesn't make you any less trans. Some people feel the need too bcos of body dysphoria while for others it's just social or for others it's a mixture. It's okay not to feel these things. What makes you a trans man is that you feel innately male

I too am not fond of the politics attachments that can come with identifying as nb. I identify as nb because I innately feel neither male nor female; same way a binary trans person innately feels their gender.

The precise way I feel about myself defies labels and descriptions, I can't articulate it well and I don't think most people would sit still long enough for me to explain it, or even care. I go for the easiest explanation for the rest of the world since it prefers brevity. Wouldn't get caught up in semantics, just have fun.

Hi Tom

I'm glad—it sounds like you're in a good place.
And I think I'll call you Tom...

Quote from: Elis on December 07, 2017, 01:59:13 PM
Sounds like you have a good thing going . And are simply a trans man who's happy not to medically transition; which doesn't make you any less trans. Some people feel the need too bcos of body dysphoria while for others it's just social or for others it's a mixture. It's okay not to feel these things. What makes you a trans man is that you feel innately male

I too am not fond of the politics attachments that can come with identifying as nb. I identify as nb because I innately feel neither male nor female; same way a binary trans person innately feels their gender.

I dunno what is a legitimate feeling of being male without body dysphoria. Without that it's pretty much just a fantasy isn't it. I wouldn't claim transness from people who actually feel rejected by their own body that must be terrible. I do wish I was more androgynous looking by birth because I have a lot of back and forth with myself about cutting my hair because of my very feminine shape. I think it would make my face look more masculine but then it would make my feminine shape even more obvious. I see people on which it really does that cos their head just looks smaller in comparison. Also it would take away my ability to be a conventionally attractive female which is a useful facade to take on sometimes (though I never quite go full force at that cos I sorta fail). I would be left with a sort of failing at masculinity only haha. That's my only problem. I've also binded but I'm okay with my breasts whilst naked in private so I felt hurting them wasn't worth the enjoyment I got out of it (tho I probably just need a better binder or at least a bigger one that doesn't hurt haha)

But I can't really solve either of these things because I don't actually want to change my body because I am fine with it privately. Yeah I don't really if I can claim transness really or how I would if I did. I do get asked rather regularly by people if I am trans. Usually my answer is just "look I'm fine with the body I have". I try not to elaborate.

Quote from: zirconia on December 08, 2017, 07:25:55 AM
Hi Tom

I'm glad—it sounds like you're in a good place.
And I think I'll call you Tom...

Oh hi there. Nice to see you again. Thanks, I'd like that haha.

Quote from: TomTuttle on December 08, 2017, 08:11:06 AM
I dunno what is a legitimate feeling of being male without body dysphoria. Without that it's pretty much just a fantasy isn't it. I wouldn't claim transness from people who actually feel rejected by their own body that must be terrible. I do wish I was more androgynous looking by birth because I have a lot of back and forth with myself about cutting my hair because of my very feminine shape. I think it would make my face look more masculine but then it would make my feminine shape even more obvious. I see people on which it really does that cos their head just looks smaller in comparison. Also it would take away my ability to be a conventionally attractive female which is a useful facade to take on sometimes (though I never quite go full force at that cos I sorta fail). I would be left with a sort of failing at masculinity only haha. That's my only problem. I've also binded but I'm okay with my breasts whilst naked in private so I felt hurting them wasn't worth the enjoyment I got out of it (tho I probably just need a better binder or at least a bigger one that doesn't hurt haha)

But I can't really solve either of these things because I don't actually want to change my body because I am fine with it privately. Yeah I don't really if I can claim transness really or how I would if I did. I do get asked rather regularly by people if I am trans. Usually my answer is just "look I'm fine with the body I have". I try not to elaborate.

I can understand where you're coming from. I think for most trans people they feel not really bothered/non plussed by their body. It causes dysphoria in some situations not others and so they can either just live with it or have mild medical intervention. Which is what I felt about my chest pre surgery but in the end couldn't personally live with that discomfort anymore. And binding is a pain haha. And I'd rather have an androgynous look myself. Never gonna be a masculine sorta guy and I'd feel more comfortable if my body ideally looked like that. I wouldn't have had the confidence to do that without having had medically transitioned

If living a fantasy makes someone happy and doesn't negatively affect them or others (non understanding exempted) I'm all for it.

I'm glad you've found a partner that makes you feel comfortable, understands you and help you explore certain aspects of masculinity. Being okay with your body doesn't make you feel any less masculine, nor trans. There aren't only trans men and trans women, we have trans anything now. It's an umbrella term for those who don't feel 100% male or female.

Quote from: Lady Lisandra on December 08, 2017, 10:10:13 AM
I'm glad you've found a partner that makes you feel comfortable, understands you and help you explore certain aspects of masculinity. Being okay with your body doesn't make you feel any less masculine, nor trans. There aren't only trans men and trans women, we have trans anything now. It's an umbrella term for those who don't feel 100% male or female.

Yeah I've never really considered a non binary identity simply because it seems to me it would just lead to me having to explain myself far too much. In reality some sort of transmasculine non binary identity might be fitting but still I am not keen to enforce that.

I don't get particular discomfort about being called she/her becuase it holds no weight to me (most of the time) but I get quite exctrd about people calling me he/him when it's not with insulting intent (e.g from my girlfriend on very rare occasions). I do dislike other specific woman-words. Like girl, woman, lady. And I'd rather be a boyfriend, father, brother etc. My body is not convenient for that idea but I do not dislike it.

Over all I would like to be seen more as male but I am not completely removed or loathing of my objective femaleness and therefore would not transition medically. But that is a difficult thing to express unless you are an androgynous person already. Mostly this is fine and I am non-dysphoric enough that it doesn't bother me if I just get on with my life but occasionally it does and I never no what to do in those time periods. Rn at least I'm managing to consider this without being deeply troubled and upset like I was sometimes last year. Mostly because last year I was generally less stable haha.