Hi Kendra, I really enjoy being in the park alone with nature. I get such an increadable feeling of calm, my mind is quiet. I listen and look but try to not think. Having 60 pounds of lead helped to focus my breathing. When I do my morning 33 flights of stairs it is almost meditation. The same in the park. A very cool experience. I really enjoy it.

You are right, a few years ago I wanted to die and now I do not. I want to live and begin anew.

 Rachel,

  I know what you mean when you talk about being alone with nature. I love the peace and quiet to be had wandering in a forest listening to the sounds of nature around you.

Hi Lorie,

I love the little creek tributaries going to the large dreek. The sound are so calming.

37 hours and I will be in the hospital waiting for the operation.

Bring one one those running water CDs with you to help you stay calm and cool. We will be here rooting for you and waiting for news of how you are doing.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Hi Laurie, no woods today. I shoveled snow, vacummed, did laundry and played with my broccoli sprouts.

16 hours to go.

I hope I made the correct choice. I cancelled a glottoplasty with Dr. Haben for 12/20/2017 to go with Dr. Sataloff tomorrow. I found out about the Sataloff cricoidthyroid subluxation and wanted that proceedure. There have been no others I could ask about the proceedure. If my cricoid and thyroid cartledges are too calcified then I will have a glottoplasty. Dr. Sataloff does a 40 to 50% tie. He leaves about 1/3 of the mucosal membrain on the top portion of the web (he moves it out of the way).

The VFS is not something I must have like FFS and GCS. I wanted FUT hair transplants and I want the VFS but both are for socialization reasons and not life or death. Fitting in is important and I guess long term it can make for a better quality of life if it works but if it is not a good fit or if I have no vocal power or am hoarse then my quality of life will not be as I envisioned or hoped. It is not like I can pass so why am I doing this? What is driving my desire to conform to a standard I can not obtain?

Rachel, I hope the procedure and the consults go well and that you are able to get everything you wanted from your VFS. It's all about weighting what we want and need in the end. It's true that originally it wasn't a need for you however somewhere along the line for your own comfort and quality of life it became a need. There is nothing wrong with that all. I think we tend to think that certain procedures like SRS are where our transitions or journeys end, however the fact is that isn't where they end because we are always changing, learning and growing post SRS until we are comfortable with where we are at with everything. Life is a journey and it takes many twists and turns and this is just the next one for you. I have different reasons for not going after a procedure like that and one of the bigger ones is that I could lose far more than I would gain from that kind of procedure. Anyways, best of luck with the VFS and I hope all goes well. Hugs
Mariah

Hi Mariah, thank you for the support.

Somewhere along the way in my transition voice became something that became very important. I have been going to a speach pathologist sinve March and it has helped. I had been using something from Cathy Perez prior to that and still in my car each day. I focus on her 12 drills. Anyhow, hearing what is possible from people my age has me wanting to have the best female voice I can.

If I was to put words to the feeling it would be prior to transitioning voice was something I practiced in my car. Then I started transitioning. I then practiced with a purpose to use the voice. Now, I see myself as female and want to sound female. I am federally, state, locally and socially recognized as female. So I want to sound female too. I guess it is important to me but I just have been scared to take chance with having a worse sounding voice. Eyes wide open.

Ok, so after I recoupe from the VFS I will schedule a cut and color with Richard, a friend at work. He work 3 days a week where I work and provided hair cuts for patients and he works in a salon 3 days a week. I am excited.  I am going for dirty blond on the light side. Cut, I will leave that to him. I have curley hair.

I wanted to go to india in the summer but the vaginal rework is going to postpone that. I think I will need time to heal. It sounds like it may be a bit like the original GCS. I may get some labia tattooing this summer at Papillion. I also will be doing some 4 hour electrolysis sessions for my mouth and lip area under local numbing there too. I may look for a place to live in Upper Black Eddie which is north of New Hope on River Road.

There is nothing wrong with voice surgery. That was what drew me to this site in the first place. I realized my voice wasn't working and the surgery had evolved to the point where it was possible to do something about it. For many years, speech therapy was our only option and for some like me, there was a limit to what could be accomplished. Therapy should be the first option but if therapy isn't enough, surgery is a reasonable option. I hope it accomplishes what you are after.

Hello Dena, thank you. I hope tomorrow goes well. I read alot of others experiances, the good, bad and ugly and it is a bit of a gamble. In less than 12 hours it will be surgery time.

Wishing you all the good luck  you can get. We'll will be here waiting to hear how it went.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Thank you Laurie. I will post tomorrow.

Good luck Rachel! Seems like one or the other of us is having surgery this year. lol
Moni

Hi Monica, thank you. The surgery thing is getting a bit annoying. Just when I am getting in the exercise groove I need to abstain.

I hope all is well and your nose heals as you hope. You deserve a break after all the trouble you had with your ffs. I had considered going to her for some fat removal (some external laser devise) but would never consider her after your ordeal.

I am in the same day waiting room waiting to be braught back. I keep thinking I have no lines or teases in my neck. Oh well , maybe the silicone scar material will help.

Big hug! Good luck today, sweetie! 

Hugs, Devlyn

Thank you Devlyn, I am out of PACU in a be step down. The Sataloff cricothyroid  subduction worked. Unless I break the sutures it will be a successful operation. Now, I find out what I sound like in a week.

  Glad to read you are out and in the recovery room ((Hugs)) Let us konow what you can when you are able to.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Thanks Laurie,

The no talking thing is tough. A nurse opened the curtain and asked me a question and I said a word.

LOL Rachel,

  I'm guessing you've always had difficulties  doing as you were told. I've had more than one teacher use tape in order to keep my mouth shut. Is that going to be necessary for you to follow doctor's orders too? I have also met the principle's wooden paddle before but we won't go any further with that.

  Behave yourself girl.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Hi Laurie,

I had the procedure and am home with antibiotic and some oxi. O was going to not take the oxi but it started to hurt a bit and I know I have a 3 day oxi window so why not.

I see Dr. Sataloff tomorrow at 7:30. I have a drain to be removed. Then I am seen at his office next Monday. I need to be silent until then.

I most likely will not go to work tomorrow. I am getting a headache, It may be from the fentanyl.

I was awake during the procedure and had to do the e sound several times. I had the O2 cannula in my mouth so it was uncomfortable.

my cricoid and thyroid cartridges were not calcified and were in good condition to use for the operation.