Hi everyone,
I've frequented this forum over the years but only recently created a profile and shared a bit on an FFS thread. The following post is directly related to the experience I shared but I wanted it to have a dedicated thread so that I may update accordingly without derailing someone else.
A bit about myself, I am a 36 year old transwoman from central Canada. I've been on HRT for over 3 years, been full-time for over a year, have SRS scheduled in December, and very recently had FFS. It's the latter I wish to share about for the sake of writing thoughts down, perhaps get some suggestions from someone on here, and also to serve as an additional review of Dr. Bensimon in Montreal, one that isn't as positive as many others I've read. This isn't meant to be a criticism of Dr. Bensimon, just another perspective for those interested.
Feminizing from HRT was rather lacklustre so FFS is something that's been on my radar for some time. My face is one of my biggest body trigger areas, I would equate FFS to SRS in terms of importance for me. So naturally I wanted to find a good surgeon. I reached out to Thailand and Chicago, got quotes from both, but it really bothered me going to another country for such an immense surgery. I turned my research towards FFS in Canada and came across Bensimon's name and site.
I found the FFS photos on his site to be rather unremarkable, certainly not like the photos of results from other sites. But then who knows what kind of editing was done on those photos, could they really be trusted anymore than pics of models in magazines? I continued research on Dr. Bensimon but frustratingly didn't find that much. What I did find however, showed an impressive ratio of positive reviews to negative. There was the occasional mention of him being conservative but hardly anything overtly negative. I believe I only found 2 negative reviews, one didn't count because it discussed his office attitude and no actual work performed. The second review was from a girl who felt her nose was still too big afterward. Aside from those, reviews were wonderfully positive covering a wide range of services both trans related and not. Clearly Dr. Bensimon was both versatile and skilled. I reached out for a quote, which came back more affordable (using that term loosely, as FFS ain't cheap) than the other quotes making a stay in Canada all the more appealing - So, I set up a consult.
Dr. Bensimon and I spoke over Skype and he ran through what he suggested doing to me, showing me the unremarkable photos from his site. Perhaps he was showing me what he could do to extreme examples? I'm not really sure and kick myself for not asking because I don't believe there was a single photo that appeared "feminine" (to me) in his entire presentation. That concerned me but then I remembered all the positive reviews. If his typical work was generating such praise then my concerns are probably unfounded and I shouldn't worry. It's probably safe to say that other transwomen out there are sensitive about their faces, so if Bensimon's conservative nature was actually a problem surely there would be more reviews mentioning it and/or dissatisfaction. I started telling people in person that I was considering Montreal for FFS and was surprised to hear that some of them were aware of others who've gone there also for either the same or similar procedures, all of whom were very pleased with their results. So, more positive reviews...but my gut kept hinting otherwise.
I eventually went against my gut and booked FFS with Bensimon on September 18/17. I was...petrified. Never have I been so scared before a surgery before. Was it going to help me? Or would it be disappointing? Will it be enough? What if there are complications? My support net around me is wonderful but they had a full-time job keeping my brain in check before the surgery. I tried to keep my expectations in line also, understanding this likely wasn't going to be some miraculous change. But given what I've seen from FFS, there would indeed be a change!
Eventually the time for me to get to Montreal arrived. I flew out there, stayed one night in the lovely Gite BnB, then went to the hospital and waited to go in.
Everyone at the hospital was very nice and patient with me. I took one last selfie of my "old" face as I waited in my room and was eventually called up.
I sat in a small private waiting area with another woman going for SRS. We chatted for a few minutes, she was from Boston and had a friend who actually came to Bensimon a few weeks earlier. She was quite pleased with the results - Another positive review. I met with Dr. Bensimon, finally in person, and he looked over my face saying it had the potential to be very feminine (reassuring!), he expressed uncertainty about my jaw and nose though. Initially he wanted to shave the jaw down and reduce the angle but upon seeing me in person believed the angle wasn't that bad and that my issue was muscle instead of bone. He said shaving the bone probably wouldn't have that much of an effect but he'll make the final call during the surgery. As for my nose, I have a deep scar right between my eyes and he was concerned about how that would affect the rhinoplasty but said he'll work with it. With that, he left and I met the anesthesiologist who took me into the operating room, laid me down on the bed, got me all set and then a few seconds later...I was out.
I came to about 4 hours afterward, groggy as hell from the drugs. I won't go into too much detail about my stay in the hospital. Suffice it to say, I vomited a lot and felt really bad for the nurses (who were mostly very good), I also didn't sleep a wink. I managed to take a selfie of my beat up self...only to discover, I really didn't look that bad. A little swollen, barely any bruising...asking myself if I saw a girl staring back instead of my old face. I couldn't really tell...
The next morning, Dr. Bensimon came in to see me expressing how pleased he was with how the surgery went. I asked about the scar on my nose as well as the tip since there was a bump on it. He said the scar caused no issue at all and described what he did for the tip. This description though sounded like he made my nose longer instead of shorter (was too drugged to process and ask about it). I asked about my jaw, turns out he didn't shave it, repeating that he believed my issue was muscle. He suggested botox instead, something we could arrange next week at my follow-up. He also said the angle of my jaw was too close to an artery and he didn't want to risk killing me (hard to argue that logic). Afterward he left, and I went to spend a week at a friend's place to recover.
The first few days were pretty tough but gradually I regained my energy and could get up and about. My reflection bothered me though...the bruising and more swelling came, but I still didn't look that beat up compared to other FFS survivors out there. And, now that my head was cleared of the drugs, I could honestly ask myself...did I see a girl staring back at me - I didn't.
As the days went by, the bruising started to clear and the swelling subsided a fair bit...I struggled to see what "feminizing" was actually done. This upset me but everyone said, it's okay you're still swollen, give it time. They could see feminine changes but I couldn't. I thought it was an "Emperor's New Clothes" situation, people just telling me what they thought I wanted to here. I then looked at photos of some close friends who had FFS and their results shocked me, even in their worst state, horribly bruised and swollen...they looked female. Here I was with bruising and swelling going down and I was wondering what actually happened? I know I went through major surgery...but didn't see any feminizing, the entire point of the surgery.
My head was pretty clear for the follow-up with Dr. Bensimon. My nose stent was taken off and I finally got to see my new nose, it was...unremarkable. Dr. Bensimon said it would continue to go down and get more delicate. We then did botox in my jaw and was told it'll be about a month before I see results. I expressed that I wasn't really seeing results from the surgery, he seemed surprised and showed me "before" pics, both he and the friend I was said there were changes. I squinted and looked but honestly barely saw anything.
That last part is how my recovery has been. I'm now almost 1.5 months post-op, bruising is long gone and only minimal swelling is left inside my nose...I still only barely see a difference. My profile is different, yes, but my new nose is still too big. My adam's apple, while definitely reduced, is still too present. Any changes are subtle at best and I don't in any way see any real feminizing compared to work from other surgeons. I'll be sending some pics to Montreal and want to investigate revisions but I'm not even sure what to ask for. Saying I'm not "feminine" enough is too subjective...all I know is that when I look at my pics compared to other FFS patients, the difference is night and day.
Bensimon's conservative nature became a reality for me. I wasn't expecting miracles, surgery can only do so much, especially after hearing about his methods. I went in with lowered expectations, trying to stay grounded in reality, and still came out disappointed. Bensimon didn't even hit the lowered expectations and that hurts. One of the biggest surgeries of my life and it's instead become one of the biggest letdowns, a real heartbreak.
I don't want to criticize his work though, I believe he did what he intended on doing but his vision was far more subtle than my own. To be completely fair to him, I wasn't as vocal with my vision as I should have been. My excuse here is that, given he appears to be Canada's most reputable FFS surgeon (working with Brassard reaffirms that reputation), I believed what he was saying would be sufficient enough for me. In hindsight, I should have spoken up.
Also, things could have gone much much worse. I am grateful there were no complications, scars are healing decently, and a subtle outcome is better than a botched outcome. The whole experience, despite having some really rough moments, was honestly quite smooth. The only real downside was the results...alas, that's also one of, if not, the most important part of all this.
I'll be sending pics to Dr. Bensimon's office soon and investigating revisions. It really bugs me as I was hoping this would be a one-time deal. Instead I feel like it's going to set me back a year or two, or more, as I'll have to let this finish healing before going under the knife again. Not to mention gather funds and arrange time off work. This is tricky considering there are other surgeries I'm looking for as well. Another question is whether I would want to go back to Benismon? I don't think I trust his work and paid a lot for that lesson. I know others have had very pleasing results but I wasn't too lucky there. *sigh*
Speaking of pics, am I overreacting? Am I blind to the changes because I'm so focused on the old face? Do I have a right to be upset?
