I've been transitioning with hrt for a bit over three months now and each day I feel a bit better about myself and the future. The kids are pretty happy, but my wife is not. The more things change, the more She pushes back. No, there are no changes, you haven't lost weight, Breasts aren't growing, you'll scar the kids forever...

For the 13 years we have been married I've tried to be the 'typical' man. I guess I succeeded because now that I've given up on repressing what I knew/know to be true She is highly confused. As a teenager I knew, dealt with it by being gay. Living in Asia society was somewhat rigid so I tried to fit in. In the process I ended up married with kids. During this time I suffered badly from aggression that was only redirected by hobbies or extreme exercise.

There is no going back for me. I wouldn't even consider it. I want to keep the relationship at least cordial as we still need to provide the kids with a stable home. Wife wants ten years of hiding everything. I know I won't even last six months without going crazy!

There has to be a middle ground here somewhere. Any suggestions on getting her more comfortable so the only other option (Splitting and getting divorced) isn't needed? That would cause pain to the children.

When I came out to my ex gf, she started off as super supportive and then like 3 weeks later, started freaking out about how I was. I think it's kinda the same deal. The reality of things really didn't hit her until you started with HRT. Though it doesn't mean that things are gone end between you two. It could just be a freak out with seeing the small changes happening to your body. She's been used to see the same you for 13 years. Maybe having a family talk about what is happening with your kids there and seeing that they are okay with it, will help calm her nerves. But if things don't work out between you two, there is maybe an option of having an open relationship. Together but not really. I just hope for you that she's just panicking. And I'm sorry you have to go through this during an important moment in your life.

I am sorry you are going through this.

My ex-wife make settlement on a condo next Monday. We tried to make it work for years then I just could not stop everything with no hope and desperation so I came out publicly and started to express publicly. In retrospect my ex was right when she said our marriage ended when I told her I was trans. It took a lot to get use to but I think  our splitting up is best.

FYI, if in the USA and you settle on alimony before 2019 the payer can deduct the payments on their federal taxed and the recipient pays 15% federal tax on the alimony. 2019 and beyond agreements the payer can not deduct the alimony on their federal taxes and the recipient pays no tax on the alimony.