If I pretend to have sex like a man (I stuff my pants when I'm alone and imagine that's my penis) and fantasize about being a man during those moments, does that make me transgender?
What about if I want to urinate like a man and use the men's bathroom, like all the other men in the world? Does that make me transgender too.
I fit in well with society because I feel like I don't have an alternative. However, I've always (for over 37 year) imagined being the opposite sex and sometimes I find myself staring at mens junk area wishing that was my penis and testes and why it doesn't just grow over night or something.  Like why can't that be me only to realize it isn't. Or how terribly envious I am of their entire package anytime I see my boyfriend's. He even knows the thoughts I battle daily.
Like if the doctor performed a botched surgery and accidentally changed my sex I would be happy. Or if there was a button or a pill that would instantly change me to a male, I would do it.
However, I don't want to leave loved ones behind because of how I feel in the inside but I so wish I had a mans name, and was accepted in society as a man.
Does that make me transgender?


OR

CAN cisgender women think these thoughts regularly- is it even possible? And just accept being a "male" in their soul and mind, but go through life identifying as a woman. In other words, live a double life and be happy with it? (See my Post- Am I transgender)

Hi Tristan 🙋‍♀️ Welcome to Susan's Place!  I'm Jessica a transgender woman.  If I'm reading it right, it sounds like your somewhat describing being gender fluid.  Where you can feel both genders.  That is a form of ->-bleeped-<-.
I see your new here, so I'll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. 

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Hi, Tristan.

It certainly sounds to me like you are transgender.  Cisgender people don't think that way.  Most of them never think about their gender at all.

I would recommend exploring those feelings with a gender therapist.  They will not only help you come to terms with being transgender, if you are, but they can also help you plan out what you want to do about it.

Tristan,  I could easily switch the genders/parts around in your post and post it as a description of me.  Cis people don't think about gender/sex that way and if they do it's usually a quick thought easily dismissed nothing as consistent as what you describe.

I'm with Kathy and if you can get yourself a gender therapist where you can explore these feelings. 

Tristan,
This also sounds like what I was thinking at the very beginning of coming to terms with being transgender (but also with reversed roles, mtf).   There were two videos I watched that made me realize I needed to see a therapist.  One was from Dara Hoffman-Fox, called "Am I transgender?"  She explained that gender is a spectrum, and if you're having these kinds of consistent thoughts, the one thing that's clear is that you don't fit neatly into your assigned end of the spectrum.  The question is figuring out where you belong (as the complete opposite gender, or somewhere in between).  There was also a video I saw from a transwoman who discussed the "button" and how that helped her realize she was trans.  I can't remember much more about the second video.  But those two thoughts and videos were significant breakthroughs for me.

Can you live the rest of your life as a man in your head without socially transitioning?  Yes - absolutely.  And some people choose to do so.  I personally know that's not sufficient for me, but if you can find peace with that, then absolutely.  Therapy is good for helping figure that out too. 

I hope this helps.  I guess bottom line is that you're experiencing thoughts that many of us felt at some point. 

Erika


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Quote from: KathyLauren on January 23, 2018, 06:36:08 AM
Hi, Tristan.

It certainly sounds to me like you are transgender.  Cisgender people don't think that way.  Most of them never think about their gender at all.

I would recommend exploring those feelings with a gender therapist.  They will not only help you come to terms with being transgender, if you are, but they can also help you plan out what you want to do about it.

KathyLauren points out something that should be repeated: Cis people NEVER think about their gender!  EVER!

I asked my ex wife and many others how often do they think "I'm a *insert assigned gender here*". Everyone's response way the same, puzzled looks, "what do you mean? Never.  I'm just me"

The other thing to say is that people here talk about "the voice in their head." I had that voice, "you should be a girl," "think about being a girl"... Today I'm 10 months full-time, 15 on hormones and that voice is gone and I don't wake up every morning thinking about gender.  I'm fact if I wanted to (leave Susan's, my support groups...) I wouldn't think about my gender at all.  I'm comfortable and happy.

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Thank you for your all your comments and my boyfriend certainly is letting me explore. And I have told him about the thoughts in my head. In fact, as long as we still have a relationship, he doesn't care what I have to do to feel comfortable with myself. And we have tested that a little bit today.

Quote from: Tristan on January 23, 2018, 09:26:49 PM
Thank you for your all your comments and my boyfriend certainly is letting me explore. And I have told him about the thoughts in my head. In fact, as long as we still have a relationship, he doesn't care what I have to do to feel comfortable with myself. And we have tested that a little bit today.

That's a great post to read first thing in the morning.  Thanks

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