Why can't people mind their own business? Since I started coming out to certain people last year I've had a harder time hiding my personality, it shows up a lot in my posts online, especially since starting HRT last July. I understand that people are going to ask about me. So far I've only had one friend ask me directly, and I appreciate that he did! I have another friend that kinda asked me, it wasn't a direct question but she set me up really well for me to tell her, and I appreciated that too! I know it's a hard thing to ask someone but there's good ways to go about it, and I feel like asking my friends about me behind my back is not the appropriate way to do it. When my friends are asked about me they don't straight up say no, they play dumb and say that it's something that they would have to ask me about directly. That answer kind of gives it away, and then these people never end up asking me. I hate being talked about like this. The majority of the people asking about me say they are supportive, so then why not tell me directly that you are?

This seems to be happening more lately. Last night I talked to one friend who went out to dinner on Friday with a couple that I used to be kinda close with but I drifted apart from. I asked my friend if they said anything about me and she told me that they said that they knew. They didn't ask about me they straight up said that they know! who the hell told them?! I saw the brother of the guy in the couple over the summer and he was acting super weird and it looked like he was trying not to laugh at me, at that point I was wondering if he knew and I'm pretty sure now that he definitely knew. I don't know why the subject was even brought up! My friend told me they were talking about facebook and then this couple mentioned me and then my friend's fiance quickly changed the subject.

I was texting with another friend last night too. I told her that my old band was asked to play a reunion show but I didn't want to because some of our lyrics were pretty questionable and then she asked if she could call me. She told me that the bassist from my old band (we broke up 7 years ago) came up to her like a week and a half ago and he was really drunk and said that he always had an issue with some of our lyrics (why bring it up now?), and he mentioned how I asked him to take our more vulgar material off of our website and then he asked my friend if I wanted to be a girl. I spent 5 years in a band with him and still go on road trips with him once or twice a year and he still can't ask me himself! She told him he would have to ask me but he still pressured her for the answer because he doesn't want to offend me. I'm more offended that you're putting my friend in an awkward position!! ugh!

Sorry, I needed to vent lol. I really do wish I could be out right now but I don't think I can do it until April or May. I'm hopefully going to be getting my own apartment in April and I absolutely need to wait until I'm on my own. I'm still working with my dad right now too and probably will be for another month or so. I'm going to be looking for a new job soon and I need to be settled into that before I come out because I know this is going to kill my relationship with my dad. I feel like I'm stuck right now and I hate it. This closet is getting smaller and I'm feeling claustrophobic!

People might think that if you don't bring it up that you don't want to talk about it. Out of curiosity, what's holding you back from making an announcement?

Maddie,
   I knew my nephew was gay, but I never said anything to him about it. I just felt it was respectful on my part to let him talk about it in his own time, on his terms. Of course, when I told him his uncle was really his aunt, that kind of broke the ice. If you are worried about the spot your friends are in, give them more direction on how you want things to go maybe.
Moni

Quote from: Daisy Jane on January 30, 2018, 05:14:37 PM
People might think that if you don't bring it up that you don't want to talk about it. Out of curiosity, what's holding you back from making an announcement?

it's a hard thing to bring up to someone, when I started coming out to people they said they felt like they knew for a while but they were waiting until I was ready to talk, but I'm the kind of person who needs to be pushed, I tend to run away from things and if someone had straight up asked me about it a while ago then maybe I would have transitioned earlier, who knows? I'm holding back for now because of financial reasons and family reasons. Currently I'm living with my mom and even though I live with her we're not that close, and if I came out to her while still living here then I think things would get really awkward, especially with my sister moving back in here in April. I absolutely have to be on my own by April because I can't stand my sister, so I don't think I can really come out until I have my own place, I'm focusing all my efforts into saving money over the next 2 months. I'm also currently working with my dad, and telling him is going to kill any relationship we have, so I'm currently looking for new employment as well and I feel like I should be settled into a job for a month or two before I come out to them. I wanna be out by May at the latest, my friend is getting married in June and I want to be at her wedding as a woman!

Quote from: HappyMoni on January 30, 2018, 05:27:37 PM
Maddie,
   I knew my nephew was gay, but I never said anything to him about it. I just felt it was respectful on my part to let him talk about it in his own time, on his terms. Of course, when I told him his uncle was really his aunt, that kind of broke the ice. If you are worried about the spot your friends are in, give them more direction on how you want things to go maybe.
Moni

I dunno what else to tell my friends to do really, I think they're handling things right, I'd rather people ask me than them or just don't say anything at all

Even after I posted a public announcement on Facebook, the people I was closest to said that people were asking them questions that they didn't know how to answer. I specifically wrote in that announcement that if anyone had questions I would be happy to answer, but some people still didn't wanna ask directly.

You can't control what people will say about you, people talk, people wonder things. Not everyone will have the courage to ask you just because they don't know if it'll make you uncomfortable. This happened to me a few days ago actually, a friend form school, so somebody I've known for at least 15 years, asked another friend if I was transitioning and said he was embarrassed to ask me cuz he didn't want me to feel as if he was doing it out of gossip. I didn't care. Think about it this way: It makes it easier for you to come out if people are already talking about it. No need to get upset over it.