my daughter's friend ( who i have known ten years she is 21) informed me today that she and a few people know im trans.  apparently my step daughter told them 10 years because she thought being trsns was cool.  i live stealth and my stomach sank i cried and i feel so ashamed idk why.  i thiught i passed, she assured me it does not change ger opinion if me.  i feel like crawling in a hole and not existing.  ive been outed to at least 3 people according to tonight.  fml

Lilly,(I think from your other posts)

It will be okay. From what you wrote, it does not mean you don't pass. If they have known for 10 years, it means they were 11 when they found out. Its no biggie. 3 people can grow but what is the real concern here.

Stealth is tough to accomplish. Especially with kids involved. Your posts suggest you think you should support your community more.  I can't tell you what to do. Why not embrace it. You may lose some folks. However, if that is the case, they may not have been so worth holding on to.

People can be brilliant or just a sea of ignorance and brutality. Go for the positive. You can't change it so own it. This is all very easy for me to say but I am not you.

Time has a way of moving on. So even if it doesn't heal all, it often numbs it. Accept that and keep going. Set up an extra appointment with your therapist or at least write them. See if you feel you still need help or advice and keep moving. You can be strong and independent. We all can and have to be. Transition is not for the faint of heart.

Hang in there. You will be fine.

With warmth,

Jacqui

Jacqui, Thank you

I know it's not the end of the world i wrote this post almost immediately after she told me.  It made me feel like i do not pass, lately i have been having a lot of issues crying a lot; depression etc.. so my brain has been all over the place. 

I would love to support the community more i have some fear if i came out from stealth what would happen but i do know that it would alleviate a lot of stress trying to cover my tracks being vague or flat out lie about my past.  I honestly was the happiest in my transition when i was out and i was documenting my first few years on you tube i went to support groups. i got the idea of stealth and in  One week i spent  scrubbing my past and digital footprint.

I don't know what i am doing anymore i talk to my therapist but it does not seem to help lately you are right its not for the faint of heart. it literally took me to the point of the idea suicide to go for it. now i have a happy married life great kids.  i just wanted to be seen as a cis woman and i feel like in one sentence my whole world shattered, like when i decided to go stealth i cut out everyone and everything, so no one would see me as my past facade. 

Thank you for taking the time to respond

Always
Lilly 

Lilly,

No worries. I hope you can move beyond this. It is kind of like a bolt out of the blue. Sorry.

I am in process of transitioning myself. I understand the allure of being stealth. I suspect I will generally pass but it might always be a question. I will see this summer when I go full time. In other words, I empathize but may not fully understand your situation as well as I should.

Hang in there. One day at a time and make a plan as your life shifts again.

With warmth,

Jacqui

Hi Honey,

Oh dear that would have been a nasty shock and very frightening.

Let's look at it from a different way though.
They love you and admire you. You are strong and courageous. They see a woman who is fighting for her life and they respect that.
They see strength and dignity.

They know and admire a lovely transgender woman and they want to share that love.

I told someone recently about my scars. My neck is a mass of them where my throat was opened up. I wear badges showing them off. Since people stare I advertise and people have to look.
Why?
Because I'm proud of being me. I fought a fight and I will win.

Be proud of your fight Honey. Don't hide.

Be proud and rejoice that you are a lovely woman.

Lilly,

Through hard work you have earned what so many other women were given.  You clawed and climbed your way up that mountain instead of just ending up there.  If a few people know you earned it, although unsettling to not plan out exactly who knew what and when - the fact is, your life is an incredible accomplishment. 

Kendra

Thank you for the words of encouragement, i have had a rough journey it is a bit unsettling and im still trying to get used to the idea that more people know honestly it has had me crying for the last few days i feel like a mess.  but i love the way you phrased it that   "your life is an incredible accomplishment." that made me feel like it was okay to be me and to be proud

Always
Lilly   

Cindy,

Yes it was a horrid shock it literally knocked the wind out of me.  i love the way you re-framed it i guess even after 10 plus years there still lies a bit of shame and embarrassment of what? i dont know.  i wish some day to have your strength and just be who i am and embrase my scars  just as you have. 

Thank you
Lilly

Jacqui,

Thank you for your response i wish the best of luck to you on going full time its a wonderful and scary time but so worth it.  my semi stealth has been great but at the same time i personally feel like its a lot of work and a lot of secrecy.   

If you ever want to talk or need advice dont hesitate to PM me

best of luck Lilly

Lilly,

That is very generous. Thank you for the offer and I may end up taking you up on it.

Warmly,

Jacqui