The vibe here is pretty chill, which I prefer. On other forums, where the vibe is less chill, I can end up getting pretty venomous, which I don't like. Knowing this place is kind, safe, and supportive helps me to curb my worst instincts.

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

Sometimes my male persona makes a return. I have to remind myself that I am not depressed anymore. I was a confused male for 64 years. I made the late transition because I was seeing courageous teens like Jazz Jennings and I envied them.. What if, has never been far from my mind. In the last two years I have been introduced to many just as courageous young people. Some people I have met here that are a little naive but not for a bad reason. I have been naive most my life. I never intend to denigrate anyone but sometimes the lack of social skills gets the best of me.  I have to admit that finding Susan's is a Godsend. I would want any number of you for friends because of your caring, nurturing manner. I have to admit I am a political animal and have spent the last three years warning people of the dangers ahead which in some areas fell on deaf ears. Sometimes my Facebook meme's make their way into my comments. I am still trying to control my ego. Yeah,I have one but it is taking up less and less space in my thinking. I want success for everyone. I want to give back to the many, many people that have given me so much. Love to all.

My 10 year anniversary is coming up of registering here, and while I'm not here all the time, it seems the same now as it was when I joined. In terms of the attitudes of people who use the site and the posts made. On the whole I haven't noticed any drastic difference in there being more trolls, or folks just out to cause trouble.

I think that the number of people who are there to help others, to provide that feeling of family and support, or to ask questions out of genuine curiosity is as much the vast majority now as it ever was.

Hello Warlockmaker, I have only been on this site for a bit under two years but have noticed shifts in styles as people come and go. At times there seems to be more harshness or less forgiveness than others but overall I feel this to be a safe and comfortable place to grow in. I am older and do not have many connections in the cyber world so I am probably pretty ignorant of what could be considered common behavior. That said, I am surprised that this site can be kept as civil and supportive as it is. This thought emanates from where so many of us are or were coming from when we first arrive. The amount of stress and chaos found in our lives as our inner needs drive us to major changes in our expression and identity is so hard to keep in control. In many ways, each of our journeys comes frightfully close to howling lunacy (at least in my case) from time to time that maintaining civility is difficult if not impossible. This has to be a statement of the quality of work from our moderators and administrators that we are not biting each others heads off all the time.

By the way, I have often enjoyed reading your postings. Your thoughts and inputs, being further along in your journey, along with the distinct cultural perspectives have always been beneficial. I miss reading through and pondering your inputs for a while, I hope that you will continue to give us snapshots of where your journey continues to take you.

Tia Anne

I agree Warlockmaker; you seem like a really nice person, very warm-hearted, open, sincere, and friendly; and I appreciate your attitude of  accepting our trans identities, there is nothing wrong with being trans, we are who we are, and self acceptance is the key to happiness.

       I must agree with the general sentiment that this is a wonderful safe and caring place while there have been a very few people who were quite snarky i find they do not stay around long as few take their bait I looked around the internet for quite a while looking for good support sites with out a lot of conflict as I do not deal with conflict well due to being in a very abusive marriage up until 14 years ago this is one of only two i found that were not confrontational but rather supportive in almost all situations so this is a very rare and precious place

     bobbisue

I've only been here since October 2016. In that time I've seen people come and go. Overall everyone is really supportive and helpful to others. Sometimes tempers flare. Overall the members try to stay civil. Sometimes it seems kind of sad not seeing names you get used to for a while but I also tend to float away from here and gravitate back.

I find this forum to be one of the most welcoming and supportive places on all of the internet. You guys are the best.

Quote from: PollyQMcLovely on March 05, 2018, 09:20:48 PM
I find this forum to be one of the most welcoming and supportive places on all of the internet. You guys are the best.

   AGREED !!!!!

Quote from: Susan on March 05, 2018, 03:42:23 AM
Non-stop since late 1995. Got the susans.org domain in 1996.    We have no plans on going anywhere!

Anyone other than me remember the old compu.net/ts site that existed pre-susans.org? Was the same site but before the domain. Boo the wayback machine doesn't have it in their archive...

I remember dial-in BBS's, Usenet forums, and Compuserve  TS forums long before the Web. I can't remember the names of any of them, and the machines I downloaded to are long gone. Sometimes I wish I could look back at some of that stuff, but I've got enough to do as I finally move forward, and revisiting those times would probably just bring back all the fear, confusion, and shame. It's all in the past now, where it needs to stay.


- Stephanie

Quote from: PollyQMcLovely on March 05, 2018, 09:20:48 PM
I find this forum to be one of the most welcoming and supportive places on all of the internet.

I wish I could say that was true for me. Susan's (rightly) attracts a cross section of mostly north american people and as such necessarily reflects a pretty broad array of trans people; trans identity doesn't discriminate wrt political or social outlook, race, creed etc.

I live in the radical, activist wing of the trans house and as such my views (which run closer to those of borenstein, claifia or serano than say jenner) are absolutely intersectional, feminist and queer. Also while I've only undertaken medical transition in the last 3 years, I've been transitioning and living as mostly out and functionally lesbian in my personal life for 20 years.

So when I interact with people who are just coming out, who may be hetero-normative or fail to see things in terms of privilege ... Well sometimes I don't feel all that accepted. That's in marked contrast to my real life in which I spend most of my time among 20-30 year olds, living and working in Cambridge ma which has.to be one of the most accepting places in the US.

More than half of the people I interact with daily are in one way or another queer and 99.5% of the rest are fully accepting of lgbtq identities. I'm lucky and privileged in this and remember that pretty much daily.

And yet in my real life I have to seek out safe space, queer and activist spaces that are guaranteed to be safe and respectful are just different. I need these spaces and time with my support networks to recharge because a world that's 50% queer is still predominantly cis or hetero.

And then I come here, a space that tries pretty hard to be safe and welcoming. And yet there are routine denials of fundamentals of feminism and of lgbtq activism as I understand them. In my idea of safe lgbtq space the concepts of post structuralism, queer theory etc are a shared basis of understanding. I don't get that here, nor do I expect it.

All of the above notwithstanding, I'm entirely on board with this:

Quote
You guys are the best.

I don't actually need to be understood to feel accepted and I've made some truly close friendships here with people who make me feel both understood.and accepted.

OP, I was a Susan's member in '99-00 and I remember a ton of sniping between prevalent and often antagonist views of transitioning women vs cross dressers vs nonbinary folks (who were a brand new phenomenon then).

Deciding that my path didn't match any of the above (i was femme, lesbian, non transitioning transexual) I left because the arguments weren't interesting and I'd found the sisters I needed who did understand, value and validate my path.

For better or worse, transition is a time that's often fraught with conflict. People come here usually in conflict in their real lives, spouses, social circles and looking for answers. Transition by it's nature is imx not an easy time and can be incredibly stressful.

And so to answer your question, compared to 20 years ago, yes, attitudes have changed. Compared to 5, I couldn't say, I was spending that time grappling.with accepting my need to transition via hrt and GCS.

I started lurking here almost 4 years ago, and to my memory, it seemed like there was more negativity at the time. Specifically, I remember a few posts where someone would tell others the "right way to be trans." For example, if you weren't suicidal, you weren't trans enough. This was when I first started coming here and perhaps I'm mistaken and it was another website, but this was pretty much the only one I've ever visited. It seemed like the attitudes got a lot better sometime within the first year that I came here. I'm pretty happy with this site!

Daisy Jane, in the couple of years I've been back, I agree that's a trend. Over the span of my earlier experience that's a far more succinct statement of what's different than mine above :-).

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

I haven't been very active lately, so I don't have a strong sense of the present atmosphere, but to me it still seems very support group like. However, I can't tell if this because there's the same percentage of members restraining themselves, or if the moderators have been busier lately.

If it's because there's a higher percentage of members expressing themselves beyond the scope of a support group, on one hand, I think this could be a good sign, so long as it's productive (i.e. more productive than most internet discourse), because I hope that eventually transgender people won't need support groups, but on the other, since I think we'll still need support groups for some time, I'm sorry if some of you are feeling a stifling degree of conflict creeping in. Maybe more spaces for transgender people will be established and it will be siphoned away.

I'm not active in my local trans community, but I do enjoy interacting with other trans people and sharing my thoughts and experiences.

Quote from: kitchentablepotpourri on March 13, 2018, 11:28:39 AM
I'm not active in my local trans community, but I do enjoy interacting with other trans people and sharing my thoughts and experiences.

@ kitchentablepotpourri:    What you stated is exactly what this site is all about... sharing thoughts and experiences.  If all the members here do that, then we help each other, encourage each other, edify each other and generally this allows a healthy give and take providing support, suggestions, and transition information for the newbies and old-timers alike.   
I have been full-time for almost a year and a half and I still enjoy reading about others experiences... perhaps they are just beginning their transition or maybe they have been full-time for 20 years....  no matter where we are in our transition journey we can still learn a trick or two and also share our story.
Thank you for your posting....
....and by the way, your Avatar Profile Picture is terrific... you look wonderful and is quite lovely too!
Danielle

Here are my thoughts....
This thread began as a possible discussion about how some of the members of this site have sometimes became "less than cordial and perhaps caustic" in their postings with other members as compared to the past.
 
Anywhere you go, any site, any interaction in real life or on line with others... this kind of thing is not a new thing.... there will always be unpleasant and disagreeable people wherever you go... 
The Susan's site is no exception BUT the Moderators and Administrators here are doing a superb and impeccable job of keeping this place with it's members... friendly, cordial, and respectful.  There will always be trash to be taken out but frankly this is very rare here thanks to the one's that oversee this place.

In my opinion, Susan's is getting better and better over time.... new members coming in are always welcomed with open arms.  Members here offer encouragement, testimonials, and suggestions and they are also open to receiving the same.

For us trans folks, there is no better place to be !!!!!
Hugs to all,
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 13, 2018, 11:39:58 AM
@ kitchentablepotpourri:    What you stated is exactly what this site is all about... sharing thoughts and experiences.  If all the members here do that, then we help each other, encourage each other, edify each other and generally this allows a healthy give and take providing support, suggestions, and transition information for the newbies and old-timers alike.   
I have been full-time for almost a year and a half and I still enjoy reading about others experiences... perhaps they are just beginning their transition or maybe they have been full-time for 20 years....  no matter where we are in our transition journey we can still learn a trick or two and also share our story.
Thank you for your posting....
....and by the way, your Avatar Profile Picture is terrific... you look wonderful and is quite lovely too!
Danielle

I started my transition journey in 1998, but I wasn't able to go full time until 2007.  I have learned a lot about myself during that time, and I also have gained a lot of knowledge about the transition process (e.g., voice, deportment, various surgeries [personal experiences as well as research], electrolysis, transitioning in the workplace, planning a transition timetable, etc.); And I try to share some insight when I can. Sometimes I read posts by people just beginning their journey, and it brings back memories of similar mistakes that I made early on, so I try to gently nudge them with a well meaning comment, because I would like to help them avoid some painful experiences, but the truth is that even a well planned transition is still a calculated risk filled with obstacles (and awesomeness!), so no matter what advice we get we still have to make our own mistakes in order to learn and grow.

And thanks for the compliment Danielle.  I like your avatar also, you look very pretty😊

I've been a member here for almost a year. I've found this site extremely helpful. I've only had one regular member who really dislikes me here.  There are probably more but they don't show it. Lol. Before I found this site I had joined transgenderdate.com. I wasn't looking for dates but that site does have a blog section where members discuss trans issues.  I have to say that that site is cut throat! There is no moderation and those women regularly attack and misgender each other as well as attack and make fun of the less passable members. If my dad hadn't made me delete my account on there I would have anyway. I know the people here often find the moderation really strict , and I do myself at times, but I would rather have strict moderation than none. People here do clash and squabble but put any people in a group and that's going to happen. We all have our own opinions and views about things.  When I first joined I noticed a substantial age difference and I wondered if I would be especially welcome here.  But I've met a lot of people here I consider friends.

Quote from: Mariah on March 04, 2018, 11:00:24 PM
Not everyone has those same aspirations though and it is important to remember that. I can understand what you want and that is fantastic for all, however others just want to live their lives and leave this part of their life behind without having to be defined by it. I have chances to get involved in those ways and for my own safety I choose not to considering my safety is more important than making progress for everyone at this point. Until things improve in this and other countries I will remain on the sidelines for my own safety. I rather blend in and just live than advocate at this time. Just my two cents. Hugs
Mariah

I too have chosen to "just live my life" for many years now. Fully transitioned m/f about 8-9 years ago. I joined up here to just watch and see if there is anything said that I may opine on in a positive way, or someone may seek me out for sharing of experiences etc... .
I always remember a story I picked up during TG counseling or 12 step or somewhere... Short version :
I went a long and arduous journey in my life (transitioning), crossing a vast desert to get to a place of love and fulfillment and acceptance. I almost gave up in defeat and exhaustion from the tears and pain and fight. Then I heard a laughing and singing, and saw in the distance trees and heard the music and laughter louder. Crawling along I made it to a place where only TG folks were present, and all supported each other and it was a safe and warm and friendly place. I made it to my destination...but WAIT...this was NOT my destination...and as the days turned to weeks and weeks to months....I realized I HAD to leave the comfort of this oasis in the desert of transition...and continue my journey to my destination OUTSIDE of the oasis. In the reality we call life, with all it's dark and not so loving folks around, as well as friends in the TG world. I could not live in the oasis of a closed TG community. I had to live my life NOT defined by my TG experience, but as myself. So I did.  end of story
hth
J