Just wondering, as I know my feeling of being different came along very early in life. But the real breakthrough came 64 years later when I learned that I could take estrogen, despite my health. Too late for surgeries but just right for living the last years of my life as authentically as possible. The mental stability has been fabulous.

Quote from: DawnOday on March 18, 2018, 12:13:38 PM
Just wondering, as I know my feeling of being different came along very early in life. But the real breakthrough came 64 years later when I learned that I could take estrogen, despite my health. Too late for surgeries but just right for living the last years of my life as authentically as possible. The mental stability has been fabulous.

My motivation is easy to understand.  To not proceed means going back to a state where I hated being alive and constantly wished I would die.  Other than that, it doesn't really have anything to do with living authentically for me.  It simply concerns wanting to live.

I just took a really long time before there was an intersection of favorable circumstances in my life and overwhelming despair in my mind.  I lived with knowing I was trans for 43 years after I figured it out and thought I could cope and bury it.  I was wrong. 


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Isn't it strange. I am one of the most stubborn people I know. I quit, drinking, drugging and smoking cold turkey. But I am absolutely flummoxed  at ignoring my gender dysphoria. It's always there and has always been there.

I lived 40 years knowing there was something wrong, but I adapted and lived a fulfilling life, even up to the point of when my wife mentioned our healthcare covered gender care.  Now I'm on the same life fulfilling path, but more in tune with my true self.

Hi Dawn,

I had only two choices, transition or continue a very destructive path. I chose to be me

Quote from: Rachel on March 18, 2018, 12:42:18 PM
Hi Dawn,

I had only two choices, transition or continue a very destructive path. I chose to be me

As my Therapist told me either I live the way I was before and be miserable forever, or transition to be who I am and happy. The green light just went off in head and here I am three months into HRT.

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Dawn, I think for people of our generation, being trans was something like an impossible dream. I saw very few people who transitioned happily, if at all. In my head it was like only the most extreme cases (1/10th of 1/10th of 1/10 of a percent) would do something visible in the way of transition. To me I was tortured by dysphoria but just thought I was not a member of that group, hence the term, 'not trans enough' was something I thought of myself. I was thoroughly convinced I was the unlucky, 'middle of the roader' doomed to live as two different battling personalities. The mental pain just got so bad, I finally allowed myself to look on the internet for information. Desperation made me drop my barriers to being discovered just a bit. I thought briefly about herbals, doing something in secret, but I started reading stories of people's positive transitions. By then I had let the Jeannie out of   the bottle, and there was no going back. Step by step, I watched transition steps, thinking surely  I would be embarrassed or it would be wrong. But it never happened. I can't believe how wrong I was my whole life. I know there are people on this site with the same thought process. It kills me to think that fear will turn them away from finding a happy answer.
Moni

Quote from: Rachel on March 18, 2018, 12:42:18 PM
Hi Dawn,

I had only two choices, transition or continue a very destructive path. I chose to be me

I was in the same boat. I drank just about every night for 5 years straight and then I got gout so I was forced into sobriety. After a month I noticed I was thinking clearer than ever and there was a lot of stuff building up and made me realize that I HAD to transition. If these thoughts were still with me when I was thinking clearly then they obviously weren't going away and I had to do something about it, so I started coming out to some friends and then I started seeing a therapist. If I kept it bottled up I know I would have just started drinking again once the gout cleared up and I would have ended up in an early grave, but thing have gotten so much better! Always have hope!

Monica, I don't get to go full out as I can't give up on a relationship that has lasted 35 years. So I settle for what I can get. So far 18 months on E. But at least I can be unleashed for a couple days a week to attend support meetings and Dr. appts. I have developed a deep affinity for my peers as it takes a great amount of courage to do what you have done. I love the fact that I can help advance our cause through voluntary service. Hugs

Maddie, Oh yes. Drinking, taking cocaine, smoking, all dulled the pain, but to what point? Unfortunately they never really make things better, do they?

Yes we are at that age where we had no knowledge of things, still waiting to be told the facts of life from my mum!!!!!!! For me I just needed to transition before getting to old , time is short and with 3 years to go before I can retire needed to get sorted so the strange old lady can move into her retirement bungalow!!!!!!! 

Avoid pain, pursue happiness

And curiosity.

Quote from: DawnOday on March 18, 2018, 01:39:13 PM
Monica, I don't get to go full out as I can't give up on a relationship that has lasted 35 years. So I settle for what I can get. So far 18 months on E. But at least I can be unleashed for a couple days a week to attend support meetings and Dr. appts. I have developed a deep affinity for my peers as it takes a great amount of courage to do what you have done. I love the fact that I can help advance our cause through voluntary service. Hugs

Maddie, Oh yes. Drinking, taking cocaine, smoking, all dulled the pain, but to what point? Unfortunately they never really make things better, do they?

I genuinely hope  you have found a happy answer for you, whatever that looks like, Dawn. I get the feeling you have.
Moni

Monica   Not exactly walking around in a cowboy outfit with a mop handle horse, but I am in my happy place. And no one is bringing me 4 pitchers of beer.

Quote from: DawnOday on March 18, 2018, 03:20:45 PM
Monica   Not exactly walking around in a cowboy outfit with a mop handle horse, but I am in my happy place. And no one is bringing me 4 pitchers of beer.

What about the horsey outside the store?  But don't drink and ride

At the time I was mostly at the end, nowhere left to go. That is when I went to the internet looking for help and found out I was not alone. I was so ignorant about anything transgender, I thought that the only way to transition was through surgery, you know, implants and all that. I had considered that soooo many times in my life. When I found out that I could really transition, in a way that I never imagined was possible, there was nothing in this world that could keep me from it.

I don't know 🤷‍♀️, I could not see myself living any little bit more of my life male. It was never going to go away so, if not now, when?

I really did just wake up one day and realize that I needed to do something. 

I had wondered for a long time if I might be trans, but managed to convince myself that it couldn't be so because I couldn't bear to be the butt of jokes, teasing and bullying.  Therefore it couldn't be true.

But one afternoon, I listened to a trans scientist deliver a brilliant lecture and realized that times had changed.  A trans person could be out in public without hiding in the shadows, and without being ridiculed.  This was about the same time that Caitlyn Jennings was in the news for being on the cover of Vanity Fair.

That was when I woke up from the sleep that I had been in for decades.

I tried to hide it, getting more depressed and resentful, until I could not live with myself any longer, I was at the point of ending it. It was that breaking point that made me realise I had to do something, it was live as me or die.

Just being all I can be!

Quote from: Cassi on March 18, 2018, 04:44:10 PM
Just being all I can be!

Hey, only Army Soldiers can say that![emoji12]


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